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Girls, if your man propose with his mother's ring is that a compliment?


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WHOLESALEPACK

One of my co-workers will be proposing to his gf of 4 years anytime this week or next. Though, he is wondering if his gf would liked it because it's his deceased mother's ring and both women happened to fit the same size. His father agreed to this and always got along with his gf.

 

His mother passed away shortly after giving birth to him so basically he was raised by his father all his life.

 

I know some girls might find this so sweet while others might want their own ring. Girls (and well you guys can participate too) if a man proposes to his gf with a ring that was given to his mother when she was alive, would you feel happy or would that be still sad?

Edited by WHOLESALEPACK
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Honestly, it may depend entirely on the style.

 

A girlfriend of mine was proposed to with his mother's ring, but it was circa 1970 and it was pretty ugly. Everybody thought so.

 

Since I make jewelry, we decided to repurpose the stones and create a new ring for her with his mother's stones and recast the metal into the new ring.

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Arieswoman

Wholesalepack,

I think that this is a very special gesture which shows that she is accepted and welcomed as part of her new family. She should be honoured to have this ring offered to her, and if she truly loves this man she should graciously accept.

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Never thought about this before but I think I probably wouldn't want to wear a dead woman's jewellery.

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Arieswoman

Emilia,

 

Never thought about this before but I think I probably wouldn't want to wear a dead woman's jewellery.

 

Responding as a Brit.

 

Now that's interesting, as Prince William of UK proposed to Kate Middleton and offered his dead mother's ring as an engagement ring.

 

The ring belonged to Diana Princess of Wales who was killed in a car crash.

 

Personally I wouldn't want to wear the jewellery of a woman who had died violently - especially if it was on their finger at the time.

 

That's because I am supersticious - bad Feng Shui etc.

 

However, I wear my late mother's engagment ring as a dress ring on the 3rd finger of my right hand sometimes for various events.

 

Interesting topic for discussion....

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Cablebandit

if a symbolic gift like a ring holds up a wedding, that man should RUN.

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Responding as a Brit.

 

Now that's interesting, as Prince William of UK proposed to Kate Middleton and offered his dead mother's ring as an engagement ring.

 

The ring belonged to Diana Princess of Wales who was killed in a car crash.

 

Personally I wouldn't want to wear the jewellery of a woman who had died violently - especially if it was on their finger at the time.

 

That's because I am supersticious - bad Feng Shui etc.

Yes I found that very weird, I find it strange now when she displays the ring. It's just... distasteful.

However, I wear my late mother's engagment ring as a dress ring on the 3rd finger of my right hand sometimes for various events.

 

Interesting topic for discussion....

I have friends who wear the spouse's mother's ring (nice big diamonds, why should they go to waste) and old rings often have a classier look but I think on reflection, not for me.

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Never thought about this before but I think I probably wouldn't want to wear a dead woman's jewellery.

 

I am exactly the opposite.

 

Because I make jewelry, when my now-husband proposed, he did not do so with a ring because he knew that I had a particular "style" and was afraid of offering something I wouldn't like.

 

For me, in truth, I know the industry too well to want something that is being made and sold now in those mall stores and I very specifically wanted something vintage because I know the level of craftsmanship and artistry that was put into jewelry during the Victorian and Edwardian eras.

 

So when we went ring shopping, we went to vendors who specialized in vintage and I know that I am wearing a set of rings (I have three; a solitaire sandwiched between two eternity bands of sapphires) that are over a hundred years old and have been probably worn and loved by several other women who are undoubtedly no longer alive.

 

To me, all those new rings have no "spirit" or "chi"....

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Can't speak for the couple in question but, being in possession of my mother's rings, rings she wore for life even after my father died but which I took off of her before she went into EOL care, would be considered by myself to be a marked and special compliment to any lady I offered them to as a symbol of my love and commitment. Why? Because they came from someone I loved and was committed to until her death.

 

Of course, the recipient would have their own feelings regarding whether or not they were complimented by such an offer. Other folks feelings are outside of our control. If things flow, go.

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losangelena

I think it'd be a very romantic gesture, but whether or not the ring is aesthetically pleasing would be another matter. I know of men who have taken a family stone and had it set into a more modern band to get around that problem.

 

Fwiw though, we're women answering this question, not girls.

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Hahaha...yes girls will likely want a different engagement ring than women ;)

 

My friend was furious when her boyfriend proposed with his mother's ring. His parents divorced and she said it was a ring from a failed marriage, plus his mother hated her and was really rude to her all the time, so she said she'd never want to wear her ring. And his mother was still alive. She also thought he did that because he couldn't afford to buy her a ring. Anyway she ended up not marrying him, as you can see they had tons of issues that were bigger than a ring, but she made the ring a big issue nonetheless.

 

I told her that if she really loved him and wanted to marry him, she'd not care at all about any of that. I'm the only granddaughter and therefore was given my grandmother's ring. I love it and wear it all the time, even though it's not a huge diamond or in style or anything.

 

For me, if it was a special ring to their family, it would mean a lot to me.

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Different strokes.

 

Your friend would do well to find out how his intended feels about such things. Asking about the ring worn by Princess Di and now Kate Middleton might be a good starting point.

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Re: Kate Middleton wearing Princess Di's ring:

Yes I found that very weird, I find it strange now when she displays the ring. It's just... distasteful.

 

To you it is distasteful, to me it is a charming and heartwarming that his mother is being thus remembered...

 

Diff'rent strokes!

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bathtub-row

I personally wouldn't like it but I wouldn't consider it something to be insulted by either. I would just want my own ring, something new.

 

For his part, he's taking a risk that she won't like it and if their marriage fails, he's risking losing something that should stay in the family.

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acrosstheuniverse

It's a massive compliment. I am not married or engaged but I wear my own dead mothers wedding ring from her marriage to my dad on my little finger, I had it resized as I wanted to always keep a piece of her with me. The marriage did end in divorced though haha!

 

If the roles were reversed I would have to think VERY highly of someone to give and allow them to wear my mother's ring, it's absolutely irreplaceable. It's worth next to nothing in cash but the value of it to me is enormous. The thought of someone out there walking around with my mother's precious ring on their finger would make me so nervous, they'd have to be a sure bet before I even considered it.

 

So yeah, if I was proposed to with someone's late mother's ring I would feel so honoured I'd wear it with pride even if I didn't like the style. Some things are more important than aesthetics. If their mom was alive and it was just an old unwanted ring with little sentimental value though I wouldn't feel as strongly.

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amaysngrace

Why would Lady Diana be wearing the ring Prince Charles gave her when she died? Weren't they divorced?

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Why would Lady Diana be wearing the ring Prince Charles gave her when she died? Weren't they divorced?

 

Exactly for that reason I doubt Diana was wearing it the night she died.

 

Also I think jewelry like that belongs to the Crown or possibly she even passed it on to William years earlier & it had been in a vault somewhere waiting for him.

 

Still because that is probably one of the more famous examples of a "re-used" ring, it's a casual place to bring up the subject.

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Miss Peach

I would also consider it a compliment. My XH had a ring made with some family member's ring in there. I would just hope I liked the style or if I didn't that we might be able to recast it as some point.

 

I'm with Tara though. I'm not really a big fan of the typical engagement rings out there in general so I would prefer in general for the guy to at least consider my taste.

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As a guy, if I proposed with a familial ring, then I would probably perceive any rejection of that ring as a rejection of my family. It also shows the level of commitment the man has to the perspective marriage to be willing to risk it (and likely risk the ire of other family members).

 

 

I can see the thought process behind wanting a new one, and how that if properly picked out, it would show how well a guy knew his fiancé, but I think that commitment to saying 'I want to build a family/future with you' is a lot bigger than saying 'I know who you are/what you like'.

 

 

Course that's just my opinion. And we all know what opinions are like.

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georgia girl

I would be deeply honored if my fiancé proposed using a ring that had once belonged to his mother. That possession has to be incredibly special to him. After all, he can't make more memories or receive more momentos from her. It is very likely one of the few possessions he has of hers. To have him decide to give it to the woman he loves shows an incredible generosity and vulnerability. He is literally giving her a piece of himself.

 

My husband designed my ring and it doesn't have a large stone. Instead, it was designed to replicate something very special and unique to him. When he gave me the ring, he was both proud and a little afraid because of the lack of a stone. I loved it then and I still do today. There is no other woman who will ever have a ring like mine and it is a piece of my husband's heart and soul.

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I happen to regard family heirlooms.

 

I'd be just as pleased with a cigar wrapper as a gesture. Why? Because the promise is not in the ring but in the person who asked. And I happen to value the person more then a gem .

 

My grandfathers ' watch has been rolling thru the family .. 5th generation ... And the man who wears that for his wedding day seems to have remained married. Much is attributed to the couple, and a small part is that my grandfather remained married to one fine lady!

 

final answer: Accept the gesture and value the gent who presents it.

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BettyDraper

If my fiance wanted to pass down his mother's ring to me, I would be touched by the gesture but I would also encourage a compromise. I would want to use the stones from his mother's ring in a different setting for the sake of individuality.

 

Prince William proposed to Kate Middleton with his mother's ring. I thought that was awful considering Princess Diana's marriage was terrible and she died in a car accident....just too many unhappy memories associated with that piece of jewelry.

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Wholesalepack,

I think that this is a very special gesture which shows that she is accepted and welcomed as part of her new family. She should be honoured to have this ring offered to her, and if she truly loves this man she should graciously accept.

 

It would be cool for a woman to respond this way, but I think most women would not react in this manner. Then again, I'm basing this off of my experience with women from LA :lmao:

 

Not sure I can blame the women that respond unfavorably though. Would need to think about it more.

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lana-banana

I have no issue with the idea, I think it's very touching. It seems very special if both women were the same size. Also, speaking as someone who's recently gone through the ring-and-diamond shopping thing with my boyfriend, I would be relieved to know that's just more money saved that could be going towards a house payment.

 

My issue would be the the style. The woman is the one wearing the ring, possibly for much of the rest of her life; I think she really ought to have some say in how it looks. If I liked my boyfriend's mother's ring, I would happily have it! If I thought it was hideous I'd be kind of annoyed, no matter how sweet of a gesture it is.

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Also, speaking as someone who's recently gone through the ring-and-diamond shopping thing with my boyfriend, I would be relieved to know that's just more money saved that could be going towards a house payment.

 

Stop. You're making me jealous of your BF for having a GF that thinks this way :p

 

I feel like I need to get an expensive ring.

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