Rocky Week with future DW

[WCSU1987]

Hi, I am not sure where to start and I feel very disoriented in emotions. This week started with a conversation with my SO about children.

 

Fiancé wants to have children after marriage fearing that she won't be able to bear children after 30. We'll be 29 when we're married. Fiancé and I are both in school for nursing should be completed by time 31/32. Suggested that around that time can start planning for children. Additionally, we're living on a separate housing of the MIL house. I mean we pay rent not much, but rent/utilities. I suggested to the fiancé to wait till more established and financially secure. Fiancé took it all that matters is money in our future together. Continued on that it never will be enough for me because there is never enough money. That is not the case I tried explaining it's more just we have a plan for careers that will help up us raise kid's together. Continues to go it's her body her choice I will have no more eggs by the time I am 30 I will not have anymore kid's after 35.

 

Continued on how I am selfish only care about myself and do what I need to do. Ended up crying in tears.

 

A few days later had a mix up in what holiday's fiancé was off. Fiancé was off Thanksgiving thought I see her in the morning before seeing my family on my mom's side. I told my fiancé working night shift at work sleep in because I worked the day before. Plan on seeing her Friday. Additionally, see fiancé Christmas Eve night and Christmas morning since fiancé works evenings of Christmas.

 

Fiancé was upset, but waa contained. However, come Thanksgiving title began to build with my fiancé. To a point calling me saying that I need to fix this, you don't care about me, your selfish, this is the second time I am crying this week, you don't love me, I am evaluating the marriage, do you want to marry me, and so forth. Continued on about the right answer is future holiday's are with me and our children that is it or a divorce. Continued on about swearing ay me and telling me how her mom kept asking if fiancé really wanted to marry me.

 

Had Thanksgiving with family and fiancé started talking to me again. However, canceled plans Friday with me and had something to do with her mom, which was fine.

 

Come later in the evening joked about how coworkers said another coworker is an older double of my fiancé. That didn't turn out well fiancé continually texted me about how I am cheating on her and if I ever did they'll be trouble.

 

Comes to today fiancé text me around 6 to come see her. Figured wouldn't see her with hetic schedule procrastinated a lot of my errands till the end of the day, especially since I worked night's. Kind of was upset fiancé asked me late to just come over. I kind of danced around the question telling her I had errands to do. I wanted to get ready for our Save the Date pictures tomorrow.

 

About tomorrow fiancé can't trust my mom and leary on her helping to take the picture. My mom is difficult to get along with very critical and over bearing, but that's another issue. I kept telling her yea mom will help with the picture, but became upset didn't tell her yes mom will take our picture's.

 

Fiancé is off and on talking to me tonight. Making accusations that something is wrong with me this week. Again fiancé may not want to come with me tomorrow again and drop plan's because she is upset. I did invite my fiancé and mom to family Thanksgiving dinner when I found out fiancé was off, but fiancé turned down the offer.

 

I really have no clue what to do. Am I wrong for not seeing my fiancé in the morning or this evening?

 

Appreciate any feedback or help. I don't know why the relationship, on my DW side, is so hostile lately. Am I in the wrong or doing anything wrong?

[dreamingoftigers]

Seems like you are avoiding answering a lot of questions she's asking from your future together, to whether you're cheating or able to meet up with her.

 

That's pretty conflict-avoidant and passive aggressive.

 

And guess what? She's now drawing some pretty heavy conclusions and asking more and more heavy questions.

 

Just be straight with her and quit trying to joke around about her age-wise etc. It's clearly VERY sensitive for her.

 

Seems like you are both manipulative.

 

However, IME, the best way bring out crazy is act all avoidant and wishy-washy.

[bathtub-row]

She sounds pretty immature, if you ask me, and this will cause you real problems in your marriage. Where does she come up with this stuff about not being able to have kids after 30? It's ridiculous that she wants to plow head on into having kids without any thought to finances. And then to accuse you of only caring about money. These are very child-like reactions and you should think long and hard about marrying someone like this.

[ExpatInItaly]

She sounds pretty immature, if you ask me, and this will cause you real problems in your marriage. Where does she come up with this stuff about not being able to have kids after 30? It's ridiculous that she wants to plow head on into having kids without any thought to finances. And then to accuse you of only caring about money. These are very child-like reactions and you should think long and hard about marrying someone like this.

 

I had the same impression reading the thread.

 

OP, your fiancee is having doubts about marrying you for a number of reasons. I don't know what type of history you have together but it seems to me there are deeper problems and she is grasping at straws here to put the blame on something: you wanting to be more financially secure, cheating accusations, etc.

 

How has your relationship been to this point? She seems insecure and in need of reassurance but I think there's more to this. Have you considered pre-marital counselling?