Otter2569 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 What are your thoughts about living together as husband and wife (being life partners) but never getting married? Frankly I wonder if I am marriage material. I mean I am awesome in many respects but I like the idea of being able to leave, with out having lawyers involved, if things did not work out. It has nothing to do with wanting to be with other women and everything to do with feeling afraid and being trapped. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I hated it. I was with somebody for 12 years. Lived together for 10. It did a huge number on my self esteem. He always fed me BS about a piece of paper. Without realizing it I sat there having it erode my soul wondering why I wasn't good enough to marry. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I would caution against automatically assuming that there are no legal implications to leaving a live-in relationship. You would have to check your local laws on that, but lots of places nowadays have laws governing the separation of de facto/common law relationships. Meaning if you live together for more than X number of years, separation still can involve legal issues if the other person chooses to pursue. Personally I'm somewhere in the middle, I don't think I would want a permanent de facto R like what you are suggesting, as marriage does have some significance to me, but I don't view marriage as an urgent or ultimate relationship goal either. I'm also not sure that it's something that I feel ready for at this stage - I would probably feel differently when I reach my 30s. That being said, I think you should do whatever feels best for you, without worrying about what others think. Just be sure to be honest with whomever you are with. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 IMO, if a person doesn't consider themselves marriage material, the same would apply to life partnership. In the everyday sense, they're pretty much the same. OTOH, if one does consider themselves marriage material and simply wishes to not be legally married, then life partnership can become a viable alternative. Myself, even with the legal entanglements, I liked being married, regardless of the end result. Living with someone has never really computed for me so I doubt that will change in my old age. Different strokes. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 (edited) Having a life partner without marriage is not my thing. Definitely won't live with a guy unless we're married. If I'm not feeling like he's someone I want to marry or he's not feeling like I'm someone he wants to marry, then we won't be living together, and will eventually break up (because we're not right for each other). I would like to get married again someday to the right person. Edited March 12, 2015 by Popsicle 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Otter2569 Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 Maybe I have just not met the right woman. Honestly I like having my own place to escape to. I have my kid a few days a week so I can be dad, catch up on house things and have my alone time then Ive got a few days to be the BF. Best of both worlds!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 (edited) Maybe I have just not met the right woman. Honestly I like having my own place to escape to. I have my kid a few days a week so I can be dad, catch up on house things and have my alone time then Ive got a few days to be the BF. Best of both worlds!!! You know, you don't have to live with someone. Personally, it seems like you're thinking too much. How these things usually work is you start dating, and obviously you aren't living together at that point, so it's not a problem. And then as you so desire, you spend more time together. It's a gradual thing based on how much you both want to see each other. If you don't want to see each other that much, then it moves slowly or maybe comes to a halt, but there are women who like their space too and would want to move slowly. Edited March 12, 2015 by Popsicle Link to post Share on other sites
Starship Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 What are your thoughts about living together as husband and wife (being life partners) but never getting married? Frankly I wonder if I am marriage material. I mean I am awesome in many respects but I like the idea of being able to leave, with out having lawyers involved, if things did not work out. It has nothing to do with wanting to be with other women and everything to do with feeling afraid and being trapped. I prefer living together. I'm in my 50's and third major relationship. So much easier settling things after 21 years of living together than it was of my 4 year marriage. My current boyfriend and I live together and no issues. Be aware that common law relationships are not different from marriage in many jurisdictions...but if you are both mature about things (as we were), no formalities needed if parting. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 (edited) What are your thoughts about living together as husband and wife (being life partners) but never getting married? Frankly I wonder if I am marriage material. I mean I am awesome in many respects but I like the idea of being able to leave, with out having lawyers involved, if things did not work out. It has nothing to do with wanting to be with other women and everything to do with feeling afraid and being trapped. What I never understand is why people believe that having a life with someone, doing everything married people do, say having children, pets, buying a home etc. WITHOUT the legal aspects of marriage is going to make things easier to leave? It won't. I posted in a thread a while back about this and posted several articles about home ownership between unmarried couples (which was the disagreement) and the experts all stated that the laws when you are married are clear about these things whereas if you're not you don't automatically have certain protection and it's more ambiguous, and unfortunately certain property laws and so on favor the married. All that to say, I think it's unrealistic to believe that just because you're not married you can just up one day and it will be a breeze. If you have 15 years of a life, kids, home, other material and intangible things it will not be any easier. I think maybe dating forever where you just never live together or have kids and so on might be a lot easier but if you join assets, households, monies and make offspring, not being married doesn't make the relationship ending easier and at times can make it harder even. I think the feeling of being trapped is your own issue you have to acknowledge and face and be realistic about instead of allowing that fear to make you make decisions that aren't really logical. Edited March 12, 2015 by MissBee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pinkdisney Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Having a life partner without marriage is not my thing. Definitely won't live with a guy unless we're married. If I'm not feeling like he's someone I want to marry or he's not feeling like I'm someone he wants to marry, then we won't be living together, and will eventually break up (because we're not right for each other). I would like to get married again someday to the right person. My thoughts exactly. I was married for 12+ years and things didn't work out, so perhaps I am coming at this from a different angle, but I liked being married and want to experience that again. I've been dating my BF for close to 3 years and we are talking marriage - I would not live with him as a life partner as I know for me I would not consider it the same thing as having a husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 They are both the same thing. Marriage just makes it legally official. Link to post Share on other sites
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