CrystalCastles Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 (edited) I've always wondered. What is the purpose of fancy weddings? Is it for showing off to your friends? I am for marriage and I hope to be married some day. But I can't understand why people feel the need to go through the whole expensive deal. It seems like the whole expense is for showing off, rather than celebrating their marriage. Surely the success of a marriage does not depend on how much you spent for the wedding dress? Just curious. Maybe there's a reason for it. I personally think small weddings with family and close friends is best, something inexpensive, homemade and a celebration of your union in the presence of people who mean a lot to you. But I'd like to hear what other people think. My impression of expensive weddings is probably wrong. Edited February 28, 2015 by CrystalCastles Link to post Share on other sites
Harold of Andraste Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 A wedding is supposed to be a celebration. A big party for friends and family. They've always been like that. Other than making the bride look beautiful I don't think the dress means anything else, except for the white virgin thing. I don't know how much the dress costs other than its most likely way too much. The diamond rings are all about the diamond industry and jewelers trying to make women believe that they need a ridiculously expensive ring. The tradition of giving a diamond ring is very modern. Honestly I see it as a gross waste of money that would be much better suited on things the young couple could actually use. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrystalCastles Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 A wedding is supposed to be a celebration. A big party for friends and family. They've always been like that. Other than making the bride look beautiful I don't think the dress means anything else, except for the white virgin thing. I don't know how much the dress costs other than its most likely way too much. The diamond rings are all about the diamond industry and jewelers trying to make women believe that they need a ridiculously expensive ring. The tradition of giving a diamond ring is very modern. Honestly I see it as a gross waste of money that would be much better suited on things the young couple could actually use. I see. To be frank, the engagement ring tradition in the West is a bit weird to me. I'm Russian, and traditionally, Russians don't get their fiancees engagement rings. Russian couples just wear gold bands and that's it. Not to mention, the planning of the wedding, all the details and expenses just sound like so much stress. I'm not sure why people put themselves through that just for the sake of one day! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Some ceremonial events carry pomp and dignity for religious reasons. Food and music are often blended in to the custom. It seems to have become an industry though instead of a respect for the vows themselves. You are right though,marriage is a life long event....the value of the ceremony doesn't equate or guarantee the couple will last. Its the couples decision though, so however its chosen to be organized...if you are blessed to be invited....support it and be a gracious guest. They will welcome that Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 We had a big lavish wedding. For us it was simply a party in a nice location with good food. I'm very organized so it wasn't that tough to put together. We were simply so happy about getting married that we wanted everybody to share our joy. We live in a HCOL area so we took great pains to keep costs low. We got married on a Sunday. I bargained shopped for a dress & accessories. We skipped the expensive extras. In the end though your wedding has to be about what the couple wants not what somebody else says you "should" do. The whole wedding industry "should's" brides & tries to make you feel guilty so they can charge you more money. One silly example, the wedding coordinator from the venue asked what color table cloths I wanted. I asked if table cloths came with the package. He said yes, white ones which I said was fine. He tried to convince me to get colored ones at an extra cost to "match my girls". I assured him that nobody attending my wedding cared about the color of the table clothes and that I liked my friends too much to dress them like the table cloths. He acted like I was the one with the problem. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 I agree with you Crystal, and was lucky enough that my (now) husband did too. We went on vacation and got married (planned ahead, but invited no one), and had a party a few weeks after we returned that was very informal. I had so many friends tell me how the day was so busy that they don't remember much of it. During the reception they spent so much time trying to talk to everyone that they couldn't enjoy it. But then I know others that say they loved every minute of it. To me that's a lot of pressure and it feels stressful just hearing about it, so the way I did it worked best for me. I have a feeling that the ones that did it for showing off, are the ones that either have a crappy marriage now or are divorced. But then again, there's no guarantees that a marriage from a small wedding will last forever either...it's all about who is getting married. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 It's pointless since they will probably end up divorced anyway. Do a cheap wedding then throw a fancy party if you make it ten years. That is miracle in and of itself these days. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
juicygirl Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 It really depends on the couple. Some people have super large families. Also for some people money isn't much of an issue. For one couple $18,000 may not be alot of money, but for another that maybe completely over budget. Other reasons: tradition, family pressure, brides crazy dream to play out her childhood fantasy. You're both popular people with a large social circle or you have rich parents and have to get married at the country club. The wedding coz be small and still have a large price tag on it, if you have expensive taste. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillmind Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 We just got married at the courthouse. It was fun. We can throw a party for one of the big anniversaries, but neither of us really cared about having a wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 (edited) The way some people view it, it's something that you're only going to do once in your life (hopefully), so there isn't any harm in going all out if you can afford it. I mean, if, say, you could have only one trip in your life, are you going to have a weekend domestic trip, or are you going to go travel for a month in the continent you always wanted to visit? There is absolutely nothing wrong with a small wedding or eloping IMO, but nothing wrong either with a big bash if the couple wants to and can afford it. Personally I'm in the middle in that regard. I definitely don't think people should do it out of pressure or go into debt to have it though. Edited March 1, 2015 by Elswyth 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I think it depends on personal preference on whether to have a lavish wedding or a more simple one. I'm on the simple side, something small would be my ideal. My sister though had quite a large party and the "whole wedding package" with no detail left out! Weddings are for celebrating however you like to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 (edited) I've always wondered. What is the purpose of fancy weddings? Is it for showing off to your friends? I am for marriage and I hope to be married some day. But I can't understand why people feel the need to go through the whole expensive deal. It seems like the whole expense is for showing off, rather than celebrating their marriage. Surely the success of a marriage does not depend on how much you spent for the wedding dress? Just curious. Maybe there's a reason for it. I personally think small weddings with family and close friends is best, something inexpensive, homemade and a celebration of your union in the presence of people who mean a lot to you. But I'd like to hear what other people think. My impression of expensive weddings is probably wrong. It depends on the people and the culture. In some cultures where the groom's family pays for the wedding it's lavish as a sign to show that the woman is marrying into a "good family" and will be "taken care of." For others, it's simply that they feel this is one of the most important days in their life and will spare no expense in making it lavish and special since chances are they won't ever spend that money again on any kind of party, so feel doing it this once will be a big celebration of their love and union and not necessarily just showing off. Of course it's also a party for friends and family so you care about if it is nice, and if people will have a good time, and if you'll have good pictures etc...but I don't think for most it's ONLY a thing about showing off. I personally don't want a huge wedding, but I want a nice one with beautiful things that are special and that I wouldn't buy/eat/drink/use on any other day. Since I know that I think I'd have a smaller wedding but where I can spend more on good food, nice ambiance etc without totally breaking the bank. Feasting has existed as long as man has, and the purpose has tended to be the same, for special events and ceremonies people would go all out as a way to celebrate and commemorate and yes some of it is to show one's social status but it's hardly ever JUST about that. Edited March 2, 2015 by MissBee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
digdoug Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 "purpose of a fancy wedding?" in my eyes to empress a bunch of people you don't even like. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 IMO it's a matter of personal taste and available budgets. When I got married the first time it was in the Registry Office because we preferred to have money for a deposit on a house. The second time we had a church wedding and because we knew so many people we got some 'freebies' as wedding presents. So we never paid for the organist, printing of service sheets, choir, limo, photographs and the local Flower Club gave us a discount on the flowers. Each to their own Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I'm with OP. Not into the idea of a big wedding. Sounds like way too much work, and it's beyond the means of most people. Unfortunately, little girls grow up expecting one. If money is no object, then certainly why not, but for most working people, this is a frivolous waste of money that would be better spent on almost anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 We had a big lavish wedding. For us it was simply a party in a nice location with good food. I'm very organized so it wasn't that tough to put together. We were simply so happy about getting married that we wanted everybody to share our joy. We live in a HCOL area so we took great pains to keep costs low. We got married on a Sunday. I bargained shopped for a dress & accessories. We skipped the expensive extras. In the end though your wedding has to be about what the couple wants not what somebody else says you "should" do. The whole wedding industry "should's" brides & tries to make you feel guilty so they can charge you more money. One silly example, the wedding coordinator from the venue asked what color table cloths I wanted. I asked if table cloths came with the package. He said yes, white ones which I said was fine. He tried to convince me to get colored ones at an extra cost to "match my girls". I assured him that nobody attending my wedding cared about the color of the table clothes and that I liked my friends too much to dress them like the table cloths. He acted like I was the one with the problem. Not only that but if the colors are too close to one another you have no idea where the bridesmaid starts and the tablecloth ends. Uncle Jeff might eat a piece on/of the bridesmaid. My sister's wedding was expensive by local standards but cheap considering what we had and who we had. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrystalCastles Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 Some excellent responses guys! I can understand why someone would want to have a big wedding because they got a big family to accomodate or they're rich. But quite often I see or hear about couples who have gone into debt to pay off a big, fancy wedding they couldn't afford in the first place, while they could have had a smaller one and put money towards a house instead. Why start a married life full of stress and debt straight out of the gate? Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 I was an older first-time bride when I got married and i was of the opinion that you throw the wedding you want and can afford. My whole philosophy about money is that you should live under your means. That said, we had what was for me the wedding of my dreams. Good food, hand selected wines and craft beers, an outdoor wedding, 80 guests and total family inclusion. I would not change a thing. Sometimes, I do believe younger brides get caught up in the hype created by television shows and they want something unrealistic. Or they are trying to keep up with their friends. Or caught up in that cycle of the perfect day. In the end, it is a spectacular day that you remember the rest of your life - but I doubt very much that it's so memorable because you overspent. It should be memorable because that's the day you became a family. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 i think it is purely up to the bride and groom what they want their day to be if its lavish then its lavish and formal, if its quiet and informal then thats up to them Personally I like quiet, close and intimate if i were to ever get married, something more organic and natural, no gifts or wedding register gift thingie....if people really want to give something give it to charity and just spend a special time together with my guy and me.... no money required......no bar or alcohol...i want fruit punch ....just true friends family to share our joy..well thats a dream of mine anyway......not looking too realistic or logical.... in saying that......i do understand why some people opt for a big lavish do...its meant to be one special day for the rest of your life.never to be repeated or duplicated ..i think a wedding is a very personal and special day and the people getting married should do what they really want to do....with a bit of realism about debt in mind....because going into debt before you tie the knot to me, seems a little silly........deb Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 it's all part of the local economy.. they burn cash and lots of it. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 We had a very small church wedding that hardly cost anything. Beautiful gracious father-in-law paid for the reception in his home. This enabled us (in our early 20's) to purchase our first home, seven months later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 . But quite often I see or hear about couples who have gone into debt to pay off a big, fancy wedding they couldn't afford in the first place, while they could have had a smaller one and put money towards a house instead. Why start a married life full of stress and debt straight out of the gate? While I think every couple should get the wedding of their dreams, that has to be tempered by the reality of what they can afford. There are also ways to cut costs & you have to understand what is important & what's not. I got my cake cutters at WalMart for $9.99. The clear handles are plastic, not crystal but they still looked great in the pictures & cut the cake. No need to spend $250.00 on Lenox. My veil was $12, rather than $300. Who cares that the sparkly "crystals" were paste not Swarovski? They still shone in the photos. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 ^ You do have be really creative to have a cheap wedding these days because everything to do with a wedding is so crazy inflated now. You can't afford a venue and anything you go buy that has the word "wedding" attached to it will cost 10 times as much as something that doesn't. Anything you rent "for a wedding" will cost more than if it was for something else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 I've always wondered. What is the purpose of fancy weddings? Is it for showing off to your friends? I am for marriage and I hope to be married some day. But I can't understand why people feel the need to go through the whole expensive deal. It seems like the whole expense is for showing off, rather than celebrating their marriage. Surely the success of a marriage does not depend on how much you spent for the wedding dress? Just curious. Maybe there's a reason for it. I personally think small weddings with family and close friends is best, something inexpensive, homemade and a celebration of your union in the presence of people who mean a lot to you. But I'd like to hear what other people think. My impression of expensive weddings is probably wrong. my brother the doctor is getting married in May. He spent $30,000 on the engagement ring and the wedding will have 700 people and is expected to run $125,000. If that isn't showing off I don't know what is. I love him dearly but this is a bit much. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 ^ You do have be really creative to have a cheap wedding these days because everything to do with a wedding is so crazy inflated now. You can't afford a venue and anything you go buy that has the word "wedding" attached to it will cost 10 times as much as something that doesn't. Anything you rent "for a wedding" will cost more than if it was for something else. Yup, if you're doing any kind of event-like wedding instead of a potluck at the park, it's hard to find good deals. Everyone wants their piece of you because it's ~*~*~*Your Day!!!*~*~*~. We had a tough time finding a caterer who wasn't going to gouge us. Picking up food at a restaurant and taking care of the linens, plates, silverware, etc. ourselves would've cost just as much and taken even more time. Even with the caterers taking care of the table settings, we hardly had enough time to set up the reception space. I did as much as I could by hand. Made my own save-the-dates, invitations, centerpieces, favors, program, seating chart dealybobber, cake topper. But the venue fees and food were unavoidable (large family and no one has a yard big enough to accommodate them all) , and that's what did us in. Got the extra joy of hearing a few people b-tch about how it wasn't good enough, during the actual wedding itself. Anyway, we went through all that mostly because of the pressure of family tradition. My cousins, who all went totally overboard with their weddings, did it because their parents have always been the ostentatious types, so they were pressured to go big. And why wouldn't they, since my aunt and uncle took out a huge equity loan to pay for it all? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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