MelodyRye Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 (edited) I see that as one of my goals (as well as having kids too) once I'm done with college. However, thing is I don't believe in god and so would have no interest in doing the whole ''walking down the aisle'' at a church. It would be hypocritical of me to do something I don't even believe in. The only one I would be pleading my strong love for during the wedding would be to the man I love (and vice-versa) and want to have a child with, no one else. Many of my family members (and apparently many people, even many of my female freinds) however tend to associate marriage with god and religion. I feel so strange. Sometimes it makes me feel that god and religion is one of the most common reasons for wanting marriage. Edited January 10, 2015 by MelodyRye Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Of course it's ok. That's why the state issues marriage licenses. Marriage can be completely secular. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MelodyRye Posted January 10, 2015 Author Share Posted January 10, 2015 Good to hear that it's not only about the traditional religious ceremony. I wouldn't mind making my marriage creative though. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Marriage is now a contract first and foremost. There are countries [Europe mostly] where you can't get married in a church unless you already got married at City Hall. God is simply the Western interpretation to it. Hindu's don't believe in God and still get married, same for Budhists. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Good to hear that it's not only about the traditional religious ceremony. I wouldn't mind making my marriage creative though. My husband and I were Pagans when we married. Treading the atheist border, to be honest. We married at City Hall with a Justice of the Peace officiating and we wrote our own vows based on the lines of many vows of different traditions. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 It's fine. Because believing in God is so widespread, you may run into conflict because weddings are also for family, so you don't want to alienate one's entire family by refusing a church wedding if they really care about it. That's one reason that I was always more amenable to eloping though, to avoid the whole issue and not waste money. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 (edited) I see that as one of my goals (as well as having kids too) once I'm done with college. However, thing is I don't believe in god and so would have no interest in doing the whole ''walking down the aisle'' at a church. It would be hypocritical of me to do something I don't even believe in. The only one I would be pleading my strong love for during the wedding would be to the man I love (and vice-versa) and want to have a child with, no one else. Many of my family members (and apparently many people, even many of my female freinds) however tend to associate marriage with god and religion. I feel so strange. Sometimes it makes me feel that god and religion is one of the most common reasons for wanting marriage. Marriage is not owned by religion, it may have a religious component for some, but it is primarily a social, civil and legal contract governed by the state. When one marries in a church or religious ceremony your church can only conduct the ceremonial and spiritual aspect of the wedding, the wedding itself is just a ceremony that folks can conduct how they see fit, so some choose a church because that's part of their beliefs, but you still have to get the actual marriage license from the marriage license bureau (many religious leaders are legally allowed to confer this as well but some aren't) without which you're not legally wed. The wedding ceremony can have a religious component but marriage itself is not religious. Edited January 11, 2015 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 It's absolutely okay. My husband and I are both agnostic (granted, not atheist, but neither of us has any religious beliefs whatsoever) and we both value marriage. We had a secular ceremony and had many friends and family members, even religious ones, tell us how beautiful and heartfelt it was. "God" was not mentioned once. The fun thing about a secular wedding ceremony is that the options are endless, and the ceremony will actually be about you and your betrothed, rather than about a religion. I recommend finding a secular/non-denominational officiant in your area with lots of experience and good reviews. Ours really helped us design a perfect ceremony for us! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 My husband and I are married and atheist. We have three kids, ages 10-18. Our wedding wasn't in a church. We had it at a very nice venue. We also used traditional wedding vows, which we added our own flavor to. Some people in my family expected a religious wedding (Catholic), but not those that truly know me. I've been an atheist since I was in elementary school. My husband and I are an interracial couple. I had family members that were sad we weren't including religion, and also some that thought I shouldn't be marrying a black guy. However, we did have an open bar, so they were happy about something! I would like to add that before you have kids, you should have a clear understanding with your husband as to how you will handle holidays/ traditions/ and your child's religious friends. There are still many religious people around, and depending on your area, your child may be judged for it. You have to prepare your kids for this or else you will have a child coming home in tears crying "They said I'm going to hell!!!" It goes the other way, too, in that you have to make sure that your kids are respectful of others beliefs. My son told other kids that since Jesus came back from the dead he must be zombie, and my daughter was horrified when her friend told her that she went to church and drank the blood of Christ! When you are an atheist family, it's really important to teach your kids to be tolerant and respectful, because they can develop a superior attitude and offend others by saying things like "You only believe that because your parents told you to". I was somewhat like this as a child, when I was rebelling against my mother for forcing her religion on me. I had this attitude like I was the smart all knowing one and any believer was a stupid follower. As I matured, I realized how wrong I was, but I've seen that attitude come out in my kids once in awhile and I don't like it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 However, we did have an open bar, so they were happy about something! Always a good rule of thumb. Yes, we did our own ceremony too. We got officially married at the courthouse, then held a ceremony officiated by a close friend and a reception tailor-made to us. It was really beautiful and personal. When you are an atheist family, it's really important to teach your kids to be tolerant and respectful, because they can develop a superior attitude and offend others by saying things like "You only believe that because your parents told you to". I was somewhat like this as a child, when I was rebelling against my mother for forcing her religion on me. I had this attitude like I was the smart all knowing one and any believer was a stupid follower. As I matured, I realized how wrong I was, but I've seen that attitude come out in my kids once in awhile and I don't like it. This is true, but I'd add that all kids are kind of this way - know-it-alls, I mean. Can't really do much about that except help them through it. I grew up Catholic, and my two best friends were Jewish and Protestant, respectively. We had some lively debates and everybody was a smartass at times. Somehow we all grew past that phase and stayed friends. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 It doesn't matter if you believe in God or not to be married. Just go down to the justice of the peace and say I do. Why did you think it involved God? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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