Breaking123 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 If this is not the right forum for this post, please let me know where I should post. An ex-boyfriend is getting married, and I received an invitation to the wedding. He and I were friends before we dated, and we have remained friends after we dated. We have dated a couple of different times, the last was several years ago. I was telling some friends that I received an invitation, but I have not RSVP'd yet. My friends seem to be not only surprised but shocked that I received the invite. This is not the first ex who has invited me to his wedding. However, this ex and I had a very sexual relationship (I didn't have sex with the other ex). Two of my married friends told me it would be inconsiderate for me to be there because the bride doesn't need anyone there who has slept with her fiance. For all of you getting married, would you want an ex at the wedding, especially if the ex had slept with your fiance? I did receive the invite, and since I consider the groom a friend - I am thinking about going. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 Two of my married friends told me it would be inconsiderate for me to be there because the bride doesn't need anyone there who has slept with her fiance. I think the couple who are getting married are perfectly capable of making those decisions themselves. They came up with their guest list together, I'm sure, and they both thought it would be fine if you attended. The groom is your friend, he wants you there, you should go if you want to. Don't let your friends guilt you about it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 ^ Right, people don't just pluck guest lists out of the air. If you're worried then why not talk to your friend about it? He is your friend after all right, you can talk to him about things? Make sure his fiance wants you there as well. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 They made the decision to invite you so clearly they are OK with your presence. Since weddings are ghastly expensive, this is a huge thing on their part. Go if you want. Skip if & send a gift if you don't want to go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted October 27, 2014 Share Posted October 27, 2014 I mean I wouldn't want my man's exes at our wedding but if she's okay with it then go ahead if you'd like. Have you met her? Since you and your ex are friends? If you have a friendly relationship with them both then I don't see anything weird about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 i don't think it's so much an invite as a notice. they are getting married. one or both of them want you to know. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Err no, there's a very big difference between a wedding invite and notice. It's blatantly obvious if you're invited to the ceremony, the reception, both, or neither. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mascara Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 I think they've invited you out of etiquette. Not inviting you looks a bit iffy, as if they have a problem with you. Etiquette is a 2-way street. Your part of it is to politely define the invitation and wish them well. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 How do YOU feel about the prospect of going to this wedding? You haven't talked about that. Do you shave any lingering feelings toward this ex, however slight? Would it be uncomfortable to see him walking down the aisle? Did you feel any jealousy or dismay to learn that he was getting married? Only consider going to this wedding if you truly, TRULY think of him as just a friend and have gotten over anything romantic/sexual from the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Breaking123 Posted October 28, 2014 Author Share Posted October 28, 2014 Thank you for the replies. I have met her. Also, I have attended functions where they have both attended too. She and I are cordial. She knows he and I have been friends for many years. The last time I saw both of them was at a social function. He gave me hug, and we briefly chatted. I made sure I spoke to her too. Honestly, I am not sure if she knows he and I dated or were sexually intimate. That is his place to tell her, not mine. I no longer have any sexual feelings or desires for him. I care about him as a friend. I'm happy that he has found someone whom he adores and wants to marry. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted October 28, 2014 Share Posted October 28, 2014 Thank you for the replies. I have met her. Also, I have attended functions where they have both attended too. She and I are cordial. She knows he and I have been friends for many years. The last time I saw both of them was at a social function. He gave me hug, and we briefly chatted. I made sure I spoke to her too. Honestly, I am not sure if she knows he and I dated or were sexually intimate. That is his place to tell her, not mine. I no longer have any sexual feelings or desires for him. I care about him as a friend. I'm happy that he has found someone whom he adores and wants to marry. Well, if this is the genuine truth, and you know for sure that your ex feels the same way about you -- that sounds about as good as things can get between exes. And you should feel comfortable attending this wedding if you feel like you want to. Don't worry about the awkwardness/scandal that other people are trying to ferment. They're just bored. Link to post Share on other sites
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