Jump to content

my fiance may have been a prostitute, how to investigate?


Recommended Posts

Just learned that my fiance's bff was a prostitute after her ex boyfriend told me so I checked out the story with a few people who had known her and they confirmed it. Its been bothering me alot especially since we're are to be married in August. Maybe my fiance wasn't a prostitute even though her bff was one. The question that I have is how to be sure that she (fiance) wasn't one.

 

Her friends claim that she never prostituted but my gut says otherwise. When we first met she had taken many vacations that I couldn't have afforded along expensive clothes and many other things indicating that money was spent.

 

Hired a p.i to get a crim check but that too was clean, what bothers me is that she got a new a job in a swank hotel where her bff used to met her clients. Yeah I can't find anything to prove that she prostituted but my gut again says that she did.

 

Does anyone have any advice or strategy that I can use to investigate my suspicions, don't want leave her with out proof that would break her heart. After all isn't it soo that you are what your friends are? Guess that I see her bff inviting her to the surrounding hotels just because she was afraid to go alone.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You hired a PI to snoop on your fiancee? Why are you even considering marrying this woman if you have so little trust in her?

  • Like 8
Link to post
Share on other sites

Why is it such a bad thing ?

 

They are bound to be married and he hired a PI to do a criminal check [rapsheet and all that].

 

OP, i would be suspicious too ... but does it really matter in the larger scheme if she was one or not ?

I assume you did an STD test together early on.

 

If she was one, you should have a problem with :

- her bff having been one and her getting a job where her bff used to 'work' - could indicate poor boundaries

- spending spree [why did she not save the money, is she financially irresponsible ?] - could indicate she's not good with money

- her not having said it - a pretty big thing imho

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you don't trust her word, then you should reconsider the marriage plans. If you need to hire a PI to double check her story, then you don't trust her, her friends, or family.

 

I would run away from her.

 

As a comparison, I knew my wife's background quite well prior to marriage. I met her family and friends. I went to her workplace. I saw and went to where she grew up. While there may have been some things in her past I don't know, I was comfortable enough to realize that anything of significance was known by me.

 

If you don't have this comfort level, then you don't have enough trust to make a commitment.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Why is it such a bad thing ?

 

They are bound to be married and he hired a PI to do a criminal check [rapsheet and all that].

 

OP, i would be suspicious too ... but does it really matter in the larger scheme if she was one or not ?

I assume you did an STD test together early on.

 

If she was one, you should have a problem with :

- her bff having been one and her getting a job where her bff used to 'work' -

could indicate poor boundaries

- spending spree [why did she not save the money, is she financially irresponsible ?] - could indicate she's not good with money

- her not having said it - a pretty big thing imho

I agree Radu and I might add if bff did work in the hotel as a prostitute, than maybe the fiancee of OP is working there hoping to meet the same Johns aren't they creatures of habit? Most Johns should return to the same hunting ground after all they know the terrain. OP its apparent that you love your fiancee, but escorts are cagey my thinking is that she is an escort trust your instincts.

Link to post
Share on other sites

How about this crazy idea: have you tried asking her??

 

Obviously don't open the conversation with "were you ever a prostitute?" lol but just talk to each other! I'm sure if you're getting married, you're able to talk to each other. The PI thing is just crayyy btw.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Friskyone4u

If you cannot figure out how on earth she could have afforded these trips and clothes from whatever she was doing for support when you met her and her best friend was selling herself with her knowledge then I can see how you would be suspicious . Did her BFF give her the money because it had to come from somewhere unless she printed it herself. The new job also is awful coincidental at the hotel where all this went on.

I suggest you find all this out no matter how difficult unless u can accept finding out some unpleasant information after u are married . If u can't live with the truth I would make sure your fiancé knows any lying will end your relationship immediately. Unless she actually believes that you will not get the truth.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Jasper I know that you are smitten with your fiancé and therefore want hear only positive things about her which is why your not replying. Fact the average person at least where I live earns 65 dollars a day. Where did the money come from to pay for the lavish vacations? I'd ask her were you a hooker? But you won't due to your love for her. P.I is bad thing after all what's he going to find out. Lastly you can't make a hooker into a wife! Over the years I've known guys who married strippers and call girls albeit some knew prior to marrying them while others didn't. Today every one of them divorced their X stripping wives. Honestly if she went on paid vacation yesterday for certain it'll happen today. The excuse will be a vacation with her girlfriends pfft.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

If my GF was a prostitute before she met me, I wouldn't want to know. It's not something that I would even consider looking in to.

 

No matter who she is, I'd want to see STD test results before we start having unprotected sex.

 

As long as she isn't doing anything with other guys since we got together, then that's good enough for me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Sorry for the delay in responding, FYI I asked my fiancé if worked as a prostitute she blew up in my face until I demanded to know how money magically appeared paying her trips to the Caribbean among other items. Wedding what wedding! Until the truth was let known our relationship was officially over. Later that night she called me sounding drunk and told me that she had a dark secret to tell and if I promised to forgive her she'd share it with me. Yep I promised and she told me that she had prostituted herself one time only with her bff. What to do? Trust an ex hooker and marry her, help me please.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Sorry for the delay in responding, FYI I asked my fiancé if worked as a prostitute she blew up in my face until I demanded to know how money magically appeared paying her trips to the Caribbean among other items. Wedding what wedding! Until the truth was let known our relationship was officially over. Later that night she called me sounding drunk and told me that she had a dark secret to tell and if I promised to forgive her she'd share it with me. Yep I promised and she told me that she had prostituted herself one time only with her bff. What to do? Trust an ex hooker and marry her, help me please.

 

I have a feeling she has softened the blow and there is in fact more. One time only... Ahhh don't think so . you're in tricky situation, take some time for you to figure things out. I'm happy you found out now.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Do people change? Hotel where she now works is same place went with her bff to prostitute. Fiancé says she's not the same person anymore, what do I believe her or my gut thats says we never change?

Link to post
Share on other sites
todreaminblue
Sorry for the delay in responding, FYI I asked my fiancé if worked as a prostitute she blew up in my face until I demanded to know how money magically appeared paying her trips to the Caribbean among other items. Wedding what wedding! Until the truth was let known our relationship was officially over. Later that night she called me sounding drunk and told me that she had a dark secret to tell and if I promised to forgive her she'd share it with me. Yep I promised and she told me that she had prostituted herself one time only with her bff. What to do? Trust an ex hooker and marry her, help me please.

 

 

your trust in her has been broken, its not the fact of what she did but that she lied and that she didn't feel she could tell you....reason being she probably does love you in some ways and didn't want to lose you she obviously knows how you feel about the subject of prostitution....that is where trust exists.......your trust for her is gone and she never trusted you to stick by her....to me if i cant trust someone i am not in love or love them and i would in no way let them know me completely its a defense mechanism....not a good sign for nuptials.......no trust.......and lies......lies get found out or they snowball into this catastrophe .....she should have come clean with you as soon as she knew how you felt that would be an example of trust and love........for you not just for herself....to get through it would be extremely hard you have your values and they should never be lowered to suit someone else.....it is your choice and your right to feel that way.......

 

 

 

Maybe professional therapy and an indefinite halt on wedding plans if you go ahead........or you could call it a day and find someone who really does suit you and for her to find the same.......it doesnt have to be a mean split or blame thrown ........when lies are told someone will always get hurt and its uncanny the person who lies is often the most hurt.......i dont agree with not forgiving someone though for a past that includes mistakes....or not forgiving them when they come clean as she is obviously ashamed of her past one time thing...but only you know if you can forgive her or not if you cant forgive her...... let her go......she already risked you walking away by telling you the truth before you were married .....she did the right thing....she will be prepared for you to go and hoping that you will stay ......now its up to you...i wish you well....deb

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
your trust in her has been broken, its not the fact of what she did but that she lied and that she didn't feel she could tell you....reason being she probably does love you in some ways and didn't want to lose you she obviously knows how you feel about the subject of prostitution....that is where trust exists.......your trust for her is gone and she never trusted you to stick by her....to me if i cant trust someone i am not in love or love them and i would in no way let them know me completely its a defense mechanism....not a good sign for nuptials.......no trust.......and lies......lies get found out or they snowball into this catastrophe .....she should have come clean with you as soon as she knew how you felt that would be an example of trust and love........for you not just for herself....to get through it would be extremely hard you have your values and they should never be lowered to suit someone else.....it is your choice and your right to feel that way.......

 

 

 

Maybe professional therapy and an indefinite halt on wedding plans if you go ahead........or you could call it a day and find someone who really does suit you and for her to find the same.......it doesnt have to be a mean split or blame thrown ........when lies are told someone will always get hurt and its uncanny the person who lies is often the most hurt.......i dont agree with not forgiving someone though for a past that includes mistakes....or not forgiving them when they come clean as she is obviously ashamed of her past one time thing...but only you know if you can forgive her or not if you cant forgive her...... let her go......she already risked you walking away by telling you the truth before you were married .....she did the right thing....she will be prepared for you to go and hoping that you will stay ......now its up to you...i wish you well....deb

your sure that she still loves me... I think that if I leave her I might go nuts and there fore am willing to iron things out. We get along fine with alot in common plus I am planning to make her Prego at least 3x. Purchased a house and a couple of cars, just want to be certain that she cares for me like do for her. Brought hospital insurance.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Jasper

my first wife graduated from a premiere law school all paid for by escorting - didn't know until after we had divorced. As you said money was being spent a spring break vacation to Punta Cana during the weekend she partied in bars.

 

I was a young tiger religious and idealistic so we married against my better judgment stemming from her list of male friends. A year after our wedding she gave birth to a boy, to celebrate we took a family portrait with my wife holding the baby- my arm around her. Remember standing regally with a proud s--t eating grin on my face with the stains to match thinking that I was the most spoiled man alive.

 

Three months later there was a knock at the door, as I opened the door a young lady with an envelope in hand demanded that she hand over the envelope to my wife only. Wife came to the door to receive the package. " You just been served". The om was suing ww for joint custody of who I thought was my son -DNA testing proved that he was indeed the father. This was done under my nose.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
TiredFamilyGuy

I think, knowing who your spouse really is, is important.

Trusting your spouse, is really really important.

 

"One time only". So how about the money for all those vacations? She is very very likely trickle truthing you. She didn't "tell you the truth and do the right thing" as another poster put it. Instead, you figured it out and challenged her.

 

Her BFF obviously didn't encourage her to tell you the truth before you figured it out already, so you know going in that there is someone who will cover up anything for your wife.

 

The thing is, some experiences really change a person. She got paid for sex. You were entitled to be told that, and now that you know, are entitled to change your mind. If you want to choose to go ahead, to choose to trust, I would be very very very careful you have the whole truth of it. And even then you will never know and always doubt.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...