carol_pa Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Hey guys, I got engaged about a month ago. My fiancé is the older from a brother and a sister. His middle brother, who is already married and has a baby now, have always been close to him. He always liked me, since I started dating my fiancé. He even used to say "at last you got a nice girl", and treated me very kindly everytime. As I see, he just hated my fiancé's exes. But he started acting tremendously jealous since we got engaged. He keeps calling when we go out to dinner, makes plans for them to play guitar or something all weekend (when he knows is the only time we can see each other), and when my fiancé says he won't go he starts acting all bitchy. He is even making plans on building a studio in their father's farm for them to play. On top of it, when we announced we were engaged to his family, everybody was happy and greeted us. He just said "what a **** up"! When they were toasting for our engagement, he said out loud "this is the first time I see people toasting on a funeral. You're damned". Then he just turned to me and said "Nooo, please. HE is ****ed up. For you, congratulations". I was not the only one feeling bad about all this. His wife was dying in shame from his behaviour. I don't want to confront my fiancé on this, because I would be putting him against his brother and I don't want this awkward situation to go on and on trough our married life. I think he does what he can to be there for me AND for him so he won't be jealous (like, this weekend he spent saturday on his brother's house and sunday with me). I just don't see how he can be so selfish and childish when he's married and has a kid. He should be worried about THEM, not about my fiance!!!! And I just don't know how to deal with this situation anymore! Link to post Share on other sites
EverLastluv Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Sorry to hear what you going through. It's damed when family dont respect your relationship. I had a hard time my self. What I sujest you do is have a nice talk with him when your are alone together. Explain how your feel, Let him know you want to spend more time together so your relationship can get stronger. I had situtations where my fiance sister would take him out with her on a surprise notice not letting me know when we already had plans. Another time she gets upset when he give me a drink and not offer her first. He did not say to her "hey I have to serve my girl first" I understand how it can be very stressfull when family member just wants to take all your time and space. I came to a point where I stay away .........far far away. Do things alone with your man, try to make plans ahead of time before they do. And most importantly be sincere sweet loving and caring. Because they always show they would love him more than you. (I learn that) the hard way! Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 OP, how did your fiancé act when his brother was so utterly rude? And what did he say to you about it, either at the time or later? You guys plan to marry.... You should be able to sit and talk frankly about this stuff. Don't try and 'protect' him. What if, in future, his brother got even worse? What if being a part of their family was so tough, and your fiancé constantly sided with his brother, that it meant you had to consider leaving the relationship? Wouldn't you wish that you'd talked about this stuff and aired feelings and concerns? I don't suggest you are vicious about the brother, but the conversation needs to happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 With the blatantly disrespectful toast, was he saying that marriage sucks and he is damned for getting married or for marrying you? Sure, he may be jealous or maybe his marriage is screwed up and he doesn't want his brother to make the same "mistake." It sounds like he has an ugly way at looking at women and marriage in general. I find it impossible to believe that your fiancé thinks this behavior is okay or respectful towards you. You need to talk to your fiancé about this ...just ask him what his brother meant by his toast and swearing at a family get together. He sounds moronic and immature. Your husband may not be the confrontational type but he shouldn't let your BIL disrespect him or his fiancé. Does your bf not see this dysfunction or do you think he just accepts it because he believes that way too...that women are balls and chains? No man will speak to my wife or around my family that way unless he wants to get tossed out. Not my father, not my grandfather, not my best friend and not my brothers. Communicate, Grumps Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 Sounds like the brother is jealous and even though he's married, he likes to have some control over his brother. Either that or he is just an a hole, or has mental health issues. Your fiancee has to put his brother in his place and tell him to not speak to you like that and be rude about the wedding and getting married. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 I'd ask your FI if he has any insight into his brother's behavior. Beyond that, just bite your tongue. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 the brother is seeing the last rivulet of his bromance trickle away and he wishes he didn't have to, the guitar-playing weekend story tells me that, tell the brother something nice, idk, we are siblings too now siblings never part and squeeze his hand, with pity in mind, give him assurance/s Link to post Share on other sites
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