Anastasia777 Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 (edited) I just don't know what to do in this dire situation! We have been dating since early-mid 2013 and I just got engaged a month back and the wedding is 8 months away! But I've now been having doubts... There is nothing wrong with him but the problem is with me! It's not because I am not ready but I am feeling very scared... You know, I am only 18 now going to be 19 this June. My fiance is 24 going to be 25 in October... Let me tell you something! My life hasn't been easy ever since childhood and being raised by a single mom with whom I always had conflicts with, and I was bullied when I was very young because I am very tall (It's not that I am over 6 feet but 5'9.5 only) and was always quite at school and I never had many friends and I hated men... I always felt unloved... Then he came, and things started to change. He is such a wonderful person and a gentleman! And you know, he is actually a youth pastor. He is amazing, kind and an interesting person! And he's also very handsome, tall, dark and very hot too. But recently I have been having these irrational thoughts about, if I am going to miss out on life and being burdened with so many responsibilities of marriage and the church... The thing is, I've always been the most irresponsible, heedless and inconsistent person, plus people say I am very childish and childlike. I don't know what sort of responsibilities to take in marriage and the church which is making me feel very overwhelmed by it all. I am religious; since I came from a religious family but I am also rebellious and there are things sometimes I still oppose. In fact, my mom's extreme religiousness is one of the reasons why we always fight. One thing that is also terrifying me is "having children". I am never having kids before 25! And I am still a virgin and yeah I might be very naive but I don't know much about sex or how to take birth controls.... I don't want to get pregnant anytime soon after marriage! And I am also extremely nervous about the Wedding night... I don't know what to expect or what he is going to think; it just feels awkward... And yes! Recently I've also started going to the University. I am studying English Literature and Italian. I just don't know how I can manage everything... These things have been haunting my mind.... What should I do....? I don't want to break off the engagement because I love him and he loves me a lot too. But I need some reassurance and these thoughts have been making me restless. Can you help me clear away my doubts? Or do you think, I am not ready yet..? But I don't want to loose him! He is very special and not like other guys. Oh, what to do... Edited February 24, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Remove bolding Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 I think you should talk to your fiancé about your worries. I think each one is completely justified. You are VERY young! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 I have to ask, what is your faith and your fiance's faith? Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 First of all, discussing children and when you will have them is an essential conversation to have before you marry. You have every reason and right to raise it with him to discuss his views. He's older, but he understands I'm sure that you are much younger and have to get your education finished before it is disrupted by having babies. Also if you want to work in your chosen field as well, then babies might come even later than that. He'll need to accept that. As for other expectations, clearly you have to discuss at length what expectations he has for you as the wife of a pastor. I know a couple of women married to pastors and they essentially married the church. Both have their own careers, but still they are drawn into the church because the congregations expect that from the pastor's wife. They find themselves judged quite heavily becuase the Pastor's wife should be free of all controversy (or so it seems). It's a heavy burden to carry from the way they describe it. Of course thigns change over time, but you must discuss these concerns with him now and as much as possible be on the same page. Find out what his vision is for your marriage and your participation in his church, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
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