iris219 Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I'm engaged! My bf surprised me last night! It was perfect! :love: Except that I despise the ring. It's hideous. Not my style AT ALL. Luckily, it's too big and I can't wear it right now anyway. Ladies, what would you do? Guys, would it hurt your feelings if your fiancé said she'd rather have a different ring? Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Quite a toughie. Personally, I think you need to decide if you think you could grow to love it. If not, just be honest and let him know how much you love and appreciate him, make a big deal of him proposing and all that... but let him know the ring isn't exactly your style. But congrats on getting engaged 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Yeah it would hurt his feelings. Basically saying " you didn't do it right and I don't like it " Also seems kind of petty that you complain about this less than 24 hours after getting it. I guess its more about the ring than the idea of spending your life with that person. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I can see where Keenly is coming from. But I'm picky too and my husband knew this. So we went shopping for rings together. There's gotta be a compromise to be had!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 OP, I handled the issue by getting the gem that I liked in the shape of my GF's preference, with the setting being irrelevant (it was a vintage ring) and then, after the proposal, taking it to my then fiance's jeweler to put it in a setting which she liked. Sounds like your complaint is about the setting and that's easily fixable. Getting it sorted wouldn't bother me at all. A ring is a ring. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I'm engaged! My bf surprised me last night! It was perfect! :love: Except that I despise the ring. It's hideous. Not my style AT ALL. Luckily, it's too big and I can't wear it right now anyway. Ladies, what would you do? Guys, would it hurt your feelings if your fiancé said she'd rather have a different ring? Do you get on with his mom? Why not take her into your confidence and talk to her about how you could tackle this? Tell her exactly what you told us. She may be able to help in a constructive way.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iris219 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Share Posted February 20, 2014 Yeah it would hurt his feelings. Basically saying " you didn't do it right and I don't like it " Also seems kind of petty that you complain about this less than 24 hours after getting it. I guess its more about the ring than the idea of spending your life with that person. If I'm petty, you could also argue that he's clueless and insensitive for picking a ring that is the opposite of my style. (I'm not arguing that; I'm just using the same logic you used to call me petty.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iris219 Posted February 20, 2014 Author Share Posted February 20, 2014 The problem with the ring is that it's yellow gold, which I don't like and never wear. Also, it's too big. I have thin fingers and it overwhelms my hand. I prefer small, delicate pieces. The ring I'd want would be cheaper. It doesn't really look like an engagement ring. It looks like old lady costume jewelry. Carhill, I don't think it's going to be as simple as changing the setting. Taramaiden, His family doesn't know yet. We are going to surprise them with the announcement in a few weeks. I want to be happy with the ring. This is my first and (hopefully!) last engagement, so I want to love the ring. I want it to represent my style. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 The ring is a symbolic gesture. Just like the wedding, it is the marriage that really counts. Think long term . And good luck, hopefully it goes without anyone getting hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Honestly, I would be hurt if I gave an engagement ring to a woman and she wasn't happy with it and wanted to return it. I didn't know that something as small as a ring would clash with anything you wore. If it was me and you told me that it wasn't your style because it's yellow gold, I would have some serious reservations about what else you wont be satisfied with. Try to consider that he put a lot of time and effort in this. I could understand if he bought you a complete wardrobe of clothes but it's a ring and a symbol that he loves you and wants you in his life forever. Remember, it's the thought that counts. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 It wouldn't even register on the list of things I get hurt about. Be honest, tell him your tiny hands need a smaller ring, and that you really love white gold. Make sure you say how much you love that he picked it out himself and put so much time and effort into it. You just need something different because of your little hands and aversion to yellow gold. My wife and I picked out her ring together because I pretty much knew I would be rubbish at it...then she pretended it was all a surprise when I proposed . We knew we were getting married for a long time anyway. Honesty is always the best policy. Congrats, Grumps 12 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I don't understand getting your feelings hurt about it. Would a guy really want his future wife to just shut up and take a ring that she's going to dislike forever? Jewelry is very personal, and your engagement and wedding ring should be something you look down at with love and admiration. It's the thought that counts for a birthday gift. Not for a ring that symbolizes your love that you will wear for the rest of your life. You should LOVE it. "If it was me and you told me that it wasn't your style because it's yellow gold, I would have some serious reservations about what else you wont be satisfied with." Using this logic, if it was me and a guy proposed with a ring that isn't me at all, I would have some serious reservations about what other decisions he would make for me without my input, then expect me to shut up and be happy with his decision. OP - yes, you should say something. What Grumpy said. And guys who read this... you should always get an idea of what your gf likes before just going out and buying a ring. It's not difficult. Look at what she wears now. Work it into one of those after-sex conversations... "What's your dream vacation; what's your dream wedding; what's your dream engagement ring..." etc. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I guess its more about the ring than the idea of spending your life with that person. Yes, it's about someone spending ~$3-4,000 on a piece of jewelry that the recipient doesn't even like and is supposed to wear for the rest of her life. You don't see a problem with that? This is why the only people who should be buying an engagement ring blind are the ones who understand what their partner likes and who understand jewelry. This is incidentally why I basically picked my own and why my husband was extremely relieved that I was willing to tell him which ones I liked and which ones I didn't. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
kodakgirl Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Congratulations on the engagement!!! I don't think it's shallow or petty to want a ring that really suits you. This is (ideally) something you are going to wear every day for the rest of your life. You want to look at it and think of all the wonderful things that go along with it... if you just flat-out don't like the style, that is always going to be distracting. I think grumpybutfun's advice is just right-- emphasize all the positive things you associate with it, tell him how much you appreciate his thought in picking it out, then nicely explain how a smaller, silver-coloured one would be a better fit for you. If he does really care about your and your feelings (and I"m sure he does!) he will listen and work with you... that's what marriage is based on, anyway! All the best!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I guess its more about the ring than the idea of spending your life with that person. This also says: "when I buy my GF a gift I give a schytt whether she likes it or not and if she doesn't, I reserve the right to be offended that she has different tastes to mine." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
man_in_the_box Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 For what's it worth I wouldn't be to bothered about it - it's just s friggin ring and if she doesn't like it then go get a new one. Its the intention that counts and if she doesn't get angry about it I'd probably let it slide. I'll probably just fork over engagement cash to avoid the whole problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Taramaiden, His family doesn't know yet. We are going to surprise them with the announcement in a few weeks. I want to be happy with the ring. This is my first and (hopefully!) last engagement, so I want to love the ring. I want it to represent my style. I just figured that, if you get on well with her, you could let her in on the secret and get some feedback... But otherwise you're going to have to bite the bullet and tackle this head-on.... Link to post Share on other sites
Under The Radar Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 It wouldn't even register on the list of things I get hurt about. Be honest, tell him your tiny hands need a smaller ring, and that you really love white gold. Make sure you say how much you love that he picked it out himself and put so much time and effort into it. You just need something different because of your little hands and aversion to yellow gold. My wife and I picked out her ring together because I pretty much knew I would be rubbish at it...then she pretended it was all a surprise when I proposed . We knew we were getting married for a long time anyway. Honesty is always the best policy. Congrats, Grumps Grumps nailed it; this is exactly what you should do. Your future husband is going to want you happy with a ring you can wear ...... not one that's left in a drawer because it's too big and not your style. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Is it a family ring or did he pick it out? Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I'm engaged! My bf surprised me last night! It was perfect! :love: Except that I despise the ring. It's hideous. Not my style AT ALL. Luckily, it's too big and I can't wear it right now anyway. Ladies, what would you do? Guys, would it hurt your feelings if your fiancé said she'd rather have a different ring? Why didn't you give him ring specifics before he went shopping? Describe the ring to us... Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 The problem with the ring is that it's yellow gold, which I don't like and never wear. Also, it's too big. I have thin fingers and it overwhelms my hand. I prefer small, delicate pieces. The ring I'd want would be cheaper. It doesn't really look like an engagement ring. It looks like old lady costume jewelry. Carhill, I don't think it's going to be as simple as changing the setting. Taramaiden, His family doesn't know yet. We are going to surprise them with the announcement in a few weeks. I want to be happy with the ring. This is my first and (hopefully!) last engagement, so I want to love the ring. I want it to represent my style. Sorry, I see you've described it. Ouch, I hate yellow gold too! I'd be pretty specific about a ring (for example, lab created diamond, not one dug out of the ground, and I have long fingers, so many styles look a bit lost on my hands, and absolutely no yellow gold) so I'd be handing out specifics. Yes, it's not as romantic, but like you said, you're wearing it for a long time. You'll have to broach it with him gently, and hope for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 If I'm petty, you could also argue that he's clueless and insensitive for picking a ring that is the opposite of my style. (I'm not arguing that; I'm just using the same logic you used to call me petty.) My bad, I didn't mean it like KEENLY thinks you are petty, I meant it like your fiance might think you are petty. Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Hmmm, I'd probably tell him that I loved the ring. And I would because it is a symbol of his love. And, to me, telling someone that the symbol of their love is ugly is just....wrong. Then, after we were married and the dust had settled (so to speak), I'd get it reset in a different band. Then I'd mention it to him in an offhand sort of way, almost bored, like this.... "My ring kept get snagged on my clothes and knocked around at work and a jeweler/friend/relative/whatever suggested that resetting might keep it from getting scratched or ruined." If he even notices that you chose a white gold band instead of a yellow gold band (And I doubt he will), you can just say, "Oh, yeah. I figured since I was changing the band anyway, might as well change it to something that matches my other jewelry." Then you get a ring to your tastes and his feelings stay intact. Win-win. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 No because that plan is built on deception. You're encouraging her to lie to him. Why start a marriage on deceit? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OpheliaSong Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Wow some of the men here are so sensitive over something that isn't that big of a deal. Be honest. Don't start off your marriage with dishonesty. I would rather know if my fiancé liked something different rather than resent the ring I got them out of some sort of fear of hurting my girly feelings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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