Feel left out of fiancee's family gatherings

[smellybelly]

My fiancée is really close to his cousins and their significant others and they all like to hang out. Lately what happens is that he'll go out with the guy cousins and it's supposed to be a guys thing then all the girls end up there as well somehow- all the girls except for me. My fiancée doesn't invite me or if he does it's usually late at night when he finally notices his partner is the only girl missing or late at night when it's unlikely I'm going to come. This is really bothering me because I feel excluded. My bf doesn't see the issue because he says - I invited you didn't I .... Am I over reacting? Has anyone experienced this? How was it handled?

[CarrieT]

You aren't over-reacting and it is a giant Red Flag that you aren't included from the get-go.

 

You are not a primary focus in his life.

[MissBee]

It seems, from what you're saying, that it's not a case where he and his cousins go out and its a couple's thing and your bf excludes you, but that it's a guys thing only and "somehow" the gfs show up. How do they show up? Can you explain that part a bit more? I don't know any guy or girl for that matter who knows beforehand that everyone will be coupled up but chooses to be among couples flying sol, there is no fun in that...so it seems logical then that your bf truly goes out thinking it's a guys night and these gfs either crash the party or later on their bfs invite them or something.

 

It's one thing if your bf purposefully doesn't invite you to hang out when he's hanging out with his cousins and their SO's, but if it truly was only the guys but then their gfs show up (maybe of their own will later on)then that's a bit different.How do you know the gfs show up?

 

Please explain further. But to me it sounds like there are no plans for it to be a couple's thing but these other gfs truly just invite themselves or something and then all of a sudden it's a couples thing now, which wasn't the original plan, and when he does realize that now it's a couples thing he does invite you. I need to know if this is what's happening, as if it is he cannot control if his cousins gfs like to pop up at guys' night and cannot control you feeling excluded if they do this, and in any case it seems like when they do pop up and it becomes a couple's night out, he does invite you. I wouldn't rush to say you're not important if this is the case.

Edited February 4, 2014 by MissBee

[pink_sugar]

I agree. It does sound like your fiance is looking for a guy's night out. Maybe he could tell the guys that they should keep it as just a guy's night out and if not, it would be nice for everyone to be included.

[Ronni_W]

It is difficult to have to find one's way into an established circle of friends, but you can take the initiative instead of just hanging back.

 

The next time he announces a 'guys night', you can consider getting in touch with the girls and suggesting some type of outing/get-together. It can be coffee or manicures or whatever you know floats their boat.

 

If you are not yet close enough with any of the girls, that is also something that you as an adult ought correct for yourself. Yes, it can be challenging or daunting...but if anyone hadda warned me about all the crappy stuff adults must also do and take responsibility for, I never woulda signed-up for the gig

[d0nnivain]

They seem to have a dynamic . .. . . guys, then girls.

 

 

Have you asked him to call you when the 1st girl shows up?

 

 

Have you tried making friends with the girls so that you can have fun with them while the guys are doing there thing or at least so the girls can let you know when you will be heading over to meet the guys?

 

 

Have you tried showing up a few hours into the guys' get together?

 

 

They may think you know you are welcome even though nobody made that abundantly clear.