How long does it take to know you want to marry your SO?

[tme0]

I know it varies from couple to couple..but I was just wondering like an average time frame.

 

And what happens...like when one person knows before the other? If the girlfriend knows before the boyfriend..what happens? What does she do? Just wait awhile until he catches up? Or do both people kind of end up knowing around the same time, or what?

[Silly_Girl]

My husband believed from our first date I was either someone he'd end up marrying or damned close to it.

 

I knew we'd end up together forever before I even told him I loved him, which was about 3-4 months.

 

I don't believe in fate but everything about us seemed as though we were destined to meet and build a life together.

 

He went slowly for me and didn't push on to me his belief that we were a big deal. Once I realised that was the case, it was me leading the way a bit, happy to progress things. Still all very quick though. Five months in we discussed marriage, a month later we got engaged and booked the wedding.

 

I know we're on the fast side, compared to most couples.

[KathyM]

I think it would be best if people wait at least a year before making such a monumental lifelong, life changing decision as marriage. It takes at least a year to really get to know someone and find out how they deal with life and what kind of person they are before being able to make that kind of commitment, and I believe such a commitment should be given a lot of thought and people should know what and with whom they are committing their life to. I think a year is about right. I think a lot of people go into it without really knowing the person well enough, or they ignore red flags, and then they are more likely to have a failed marriage because of it.

[Silly_Girl]

I don't think a timescale works. There are way too many variables.

[MissBee]

I don't think there is a magic number, but I will say though, being with someone a 1-3 years is ample time for you to be able to tell if they're someone you'd want to marry.

 

Whether you sit down and think through the decision some more and whether or not it just doesn't work out is one thing, but I think it takes less than 3 years to know this person well enough to be able to feel/envision if a life with them permanently is something you'd even want.

[miss_jaclynrae]

As soon as I saw him I knew he would be important.

 

Since it has been almost a year now, I have to say, this one year definitely has solidified the fact that I definitely want to spend forever with this man.

 

 

Granted, I knew 4 months ago too. I think reaching this year mark and seeing just how much more amazing our relationship has gotten just makes me feel more and more sure.

 

I don't think there is a specific time line, but I do think the more time can't hurt, and only can solidify the fact that you are truly meant to be.

[todreaminblue]

i dont think anyone can predict or say what time is right...i would go on what feels right...listen to my heart pray about it...and if i got yes...i would listen..even fi others thought i twas too soon...my heart would be my guide.....and hopefully his as well....i dont believe in divorce....you do it once you get it right..deb

[onlyjs]

I think the older, more mature/self-aware you are, you can move "faster" to get married. You have to trust your instincts, if something is remotely off you have to listen to yourself. Personally, if I can ever fall in-love again, I won't hesitate. If I could be with the person I'm with, I'd take no more than 90 days to make it official.

[sunshinegirl]

We met in May 2009, were dating by late October, and by mid-November I was secretly starting to write my wedding guest list.

 

Hubby's a little fuzzy on when he "knew," but he pegs it between November and February. We got engaged in May and married in Oct 2010.

 

We're also on the "older" side - mid to late 30s when we met - and think that enabled us to know pretty quickly that we had found who we were looking for.

[pink_sugar]

I'd say you should usually be able to see whether or not you could be with a certain person for the rest of your life after a year or so. You should know them well enough by that time to know whether or not you see a long term future with them. However, my view is a bit skewed since I married young. In that case since you are still maturing, you may not know the right person for you for some time, even if you think you do. Also people can and do change over time, hence the reason for divorce, but that is a risk you will take in any marriage, no matter how long you waited to get married. But generally speaking for mature adults, I'd say most should be able to answer whether or not they see themselves together with someone long term after a year or so of steady dating.

Edited October 29, 2013 by pink_sugar

[ThomasD]

No, I don't think there's a magic number and my wife and I pretty much knew about the same time, so I can't give you much insight into your questions.

 

People can fall "in lust" with somebody based on physical appearances in a few minutes or less, but that's not something to build a life partnership on. I'd say you need to know a person well enough as a friend to recognize fundamental compatibility traits before you can think about marriage. If it's, say, somebody you grew up with then this may be settled well before the first date. In other situations it probably takes at least a few months to a year or more. Making the decision to commit to marriage could come rather quickly, or quite a bit after, recognizing the compatibility.

 

My wife and I wrote to each other sight unseen for over 3 months before we met. By the time we saw each other in person we were already, or at least quickly becoming, friends and "in like" with each other. Within the first few dates I was thinking of her as a likely life partner, and a little more than 3 months after we started dating we became engaged. A little over a year after our first face-to-face meeting (about 16 months after our introduction via correspondence) we were married at age 23, and still are over 39 years later.

[ThomasD]

....you do it once you get it right...

Or work to make it right.

 

I think this is one of the fundamentals where my wife and I knew we agreed with each other even before we met in-person.

 

...my heart would be my guide....

That sounds very romantic and perhaps ultimately that's where the decision must be made, but I wouldn't totally dismiss the observations and suggestions of close friends, or even anonymous strangers such as the folks on this Forum.

[Silly_Girl]

Or work to make it right.

 

I think this is one of the fundamentals where my wife and I knew we agreed with each other even before we met in-person.

 

That sounds very romantic and perhaps ultimately that's where the decision must be made, but I wouldn't totally dismiss the observations and suggestions of close friends, or even anonymous strangers such as the folks on this Forum.

 

Yes, agreed, my heart has got a little confused at times

[unicorn farts]

My husband and I were great friends for a long time before we got together. We were long distance and knew it would be rough, so we took our time discussing serious business relationship issues before we were ever in a relationship at all. Decided we were probably soulmates, he packed his bags and moved in, and we were married 1 year and 1 week later.

[ThomasD]

Yes, agreed, my heart has got a little confused at times

Is that you in the "Wedding" album? I hope your heart is now un-confused.

[Silly_Girl]

Is that you in the "Wedding" album? I hope your heart is now un-confused.

 

Can you see that?? I had no idea.

 

Yes. Not confused. Very peaceful indeed

[Silly_Girl]

My husband and I were great friends for a long time before we got together. We were long distance and knew it would be rough, so we took our time discussing serious business relationship issues before we were ever in a relationship at all. Decided we were probably soulmates, he packed his bags and moved in, and we were married 1 year and 1 week later.

 

How long have you been/were you together? Were you right about being soulmates?

[Nyla]

I know it varies from couple to couple..but I was just wondering like an average time frame.

 

And what happens...like when one person knows before the other? If the girlfriend knows before the boyfriend..what happens? What does she do? Just wait awhile until he catches up? Or do both people kind of end up knowing around the same time, or what?

 

I knew I wanted to marry my husband after about a year together. Hubby took a little longer than me but once he was ready, he was very keen on starting our life together as a married couple. My husband told me not to accept his invitation to move in if I didn't want to get married. He proposed two months later.

[CherryT]

I am way too cynical to believe in love at first site... and yet here I am. I told my friend "mark my words. If him and I ever became that serious and we eventually got married and had kids, I could say that I knew almost from day 1".

 

He's unlike any other man I've been friends with or had relationships with. From day one, he was just on a mission to show me through his actions that he was a man of integrity. After being together for a few years (LD at that) we decided it was time to start our lives together. No hesitations and/or nervousness... it just feels right to be progressing this way. We started talking about it 10 months into our relationship (we've been together for 2). He's always known, so he said, but just waited for until I was ready because he knows we'll have to close the gap. Now that I'm ready, it can't come any faster!

[d0nnivain]

Growing up my mom always told me that I'd know my husband the moment I met him. Both she and I have always been "sensitive" so I believed her.

 

I met my EX & a shock of electricity jolted through my entire body when he shook my hand. I "knew" I had met The One. That false hope kept me in an emotionally draining relationship for 12 years. I kept thinking it would get better as soon as we were married.

 

When I met the man who is now my husband, I knew instantly that I wanted to date him. I fell in love with him about 6 weeks later but didn't tell him for another 3 months. About nine months in I started wondering if he'd make a good husband & woudl we be compatable. I probably started day dreaming about it about 13 -14 months in when coincidentally & unbeknownst to me he started designing my e-ring.

[Nyla]

Growing up my mom always told me that I'd know my husband the moment I met him. Both she and I have always been "sensitive" so I believed her.

 

I met my EX & a shock of electricity jolted through my entire body when he shook my hand. I "knew" I had met The One. That false hope kept me in an emotionally draining relationship for 12 years. I kept thinking it would get better as soon as we were married.

 

When I met the man who is now my husband, I knew instantly that I wanted to date him. I fell in love with him about 6 weeks later but didn't tell him for another 3 months. About nine months in I started wondering if he'd make a good husband & woudl we be compatable. I probably started day dreaming about it about 13 -14 months in when coincidentally & unbeknownst to me he started designing my e-ring.

 

My mother knew I would marry my husband when we were dating.

He helped me move in a snow storm and when my mother saw that, she said: "This is the boy. This is the one you're going to marry." I never wanted to get married until I met my husband.

[newmoon]

I don't think a timescale works. There are way too many variables.

 

 

I agree. Every circumstance is so very different and while some people need concrete proof of this and that, others are more willing to just leap. It's based on the two people involved. Friendships that have lasted many years also speed things up and a marriage can happen quite fast if you hook up with a friend as opposed to someone 'new.' I do believe in an immediate connection though and that you do in fact feel something when the right person enters your life.

[newmoon]

Growing up my mom always told me that I'd know my husband the moment I met him. Both she and I have always been "sensitive" so I believed her.

 

I met my EX & a shock of electricity jolted through my entire body when he shook my hand. I "knew" I had met The One. That false hope kept me in an emotionally draining relationship for 12 years. I kept thinking it would get better as soon as we were married.

 

When I met the man who is now my husband, I knew instantly that I wanted to date him. I fell in love with him about 6 weeks later but didn't tell him for another 3 months. About nine months in I started wondering if he'd make a good husband & woudl we be compatable. I probably started day dreaming about it about 13 -14 months in when coincidentally & unbeknownst to me he started designing my e-ring.

 

this exact thing happened to me. i felt "IT" the minute i met my ex bf and although we lasted many years he actually wasn't 'the one.' but i don't trust my own judgment now... when the feeling is so strong and then is wrong, it makes you doubt yourself the next time, which i'm doing :-)

[StripeyShirt]

We met online and I saw his photo and jsut sat back in my chair, and just thought "yes please", and we emailed all that night and corresponded for a few weeks before he came to see me, a few hours drive away. I confess, we slept together (hussy!). In the morning as he was leaving, I remember leaning against the doorway watching him and thought to myself that I loved him right there and then.

 

He mentioned marriage a few months later, and we did move in together, but it wasnt quite right. We stopped living together (blended family issues), worked on things a bit more, and then after a year or so of living apart and me working on my own issues, and him going through his own stuff, we went overseas for the trip of a lifetime and it was then that he proposed.

 

Being older (47) and married before, with kids, I know what is needed for a good solid marriage. I have found it, and along with the companionship, passion, respect and absolute crazy in love feelings we have, I know we will last the distance.