lush lady Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I have been dating this guy for 3 years now and he is not ready to get married. However I was wondering, when he does become ready, how do I know if I will be the one he marries or if he will then decide to find a new gf and marry her? Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 If you are ready to be married and he TELLS you he isn't...move on. He isn't going to wake up some future Saturday and marry whoever is in front of him. If you move on, he might realize he was ready after all, and you might realize you were ready for a change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mercuryshadow Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I somewhat agree with 2sure, but I don't think an ultimatum or such drastic measures are completely necessary. I've skimmed through your other related thread and believe that if he's talking about marriage and a future with you, then you're on the right track. A lot of men are inherently afraid of taking that step, though. I think that in your case, you may need to turn up the heat a little. Initially, do so in a very positive way. Point out (engagement) rings you like. Indicate to your boyfriend that you'd really like to move things forward. See how he reacts, and if he takes action. If he doesn't take action or seems uncomfortable with the topic, at that point, I'd suggest some subtle distance. I don't mean you should flat out tell him in such a way that it seems to be an ultimatum, but start doing your own thing and not being as available to him. If he loves you and wants a future with you, he will get the hint. If not, then it may be time to do what 2sure had suggested. IME, most men need a little nudge in this area. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 IME, most men need a little nudge in this area. Best of luck.I don't know. If I have to remind a guy about the future, even though he clearly knows from the start I want that at some point but is playing dumb I'm not going to stick around. I still thinks if a man really wants it, he's the one that will happily take that plunge. A man isn't terrible in forgetting important dates or stuff but when he isn't interested in taking moving the relationship further than just dating, then he'll pretend to be totally clueless but he isn't. What man doesn't know or even at least guess some of us want further commitment than just dating after a certain time passes by? He does know but like stated is playing dumb. In this case, I would move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CherryT Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 I have been dating this guy for 3 years now and he is not ready to get married. However I was wondering, when he does become ready, how do I know if I will be the one he marries or if he will then decide to find a new gf and marry her? You have 2 threads opened about the same topic. If he isn't begging you to move closer or spend more time with him (at the VERY LEAST), you are likely NOT the one. How do I know this? Because I am in a LDR and the actions my boyfriend makes to see me (he flies to me often - your boyfriend only has to drive an hour) gives me NO doubt that I am the one for him; nevermind him telling me that. We see each other probably the same amount you see your bf (weekends several times a month). And my boyfriend cannot wait for us to get married and for me to be living with him. He even gives me a timeline and we discuss how we're getting there on a daily basis. For example, I am in a different country than him (but still in North America) and he tells me by X DATE he will have the paperwork ready to file for our visa. I don't even have to ask. That's how you know. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 (edited) I have been dating this guy for 3 years now and he is not ready to get married. However I was wondering, when he does become ready, how do I know if I will be the one he marries or if he will then decide to find a new gf and marry her? You can't guarantee he will want to marry you. But in all relationships you need to do periodic checks about what you both want and if you're on the same page and going in the same direction. Have a frank talk about marriage and if he sees marriage with you as a possibility and time frame and really listen to what he says. You have 2 threads opened about the same topic. If he isn't begging you to move closer or spend more time with him (at the VERY LEAST), you are likely NOT the one. How do I know this? Because I am in a LDR and the actions my boyfriend makes to see me (he flies to me often - your boyfriend only has to drive an hour) gives me NO doubt that I am the one for him; nevermind him telling me that. We see each other probably the same amount you see your bf (weekends several times a month). And my boyfriend cannot wait for us to get married and for me to be living with him. He even gives me a timeline and we discuss how we're getting there on a daily basis. For example, I am in a different country than him (but still in North America) and he tells me by X DATE he will have the paperwork ready to file for our visa. I don't even have to ask. That's how you know. I agree 1000%! When a man (or woman) wants to be with you, they actively work on things and show you. You don't have to ask or coerce, they naturally and happily plan and bring stuff up on their own. If it's a game of guesswork and maybe maybe not then that's your clue. If they are serious about you and want a future commitment...you KNOW! Edited July 4, 2013 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 However I was wondering, when he does become ready, how do I know if I will be the one he marries or if he will then decide to find a new gf and marry her? As many of us have told you in your other thread, you should have a line of communication with him already established that would TELL YOU if you are going to be the one he will marry -- and a potential time frame. The mere fact that you are questioning this leads many of us to believe that you are just a figure of convenience in his life right now and you will not be the one he eventually marries. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 I'm only interested in men who are already at the stage of life to get married, except they need to fall in love and find the one. The hold-up needs to be the time it takes to fall in love and be sure of each other personally, not something else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted July 7, 2013 Share Posted July 7, 2013 I have been dating this guy for 3 years now and he is not ready to get married. However I was wondering, when he does become ready, how do I know if I will be the one he marries or if he will then decide to find a new gf and marry her? Well, you will know when he puts a ring on your finger, OR, when he dumps you to find her. What exactly do you mean, how will you know? Its going to be BLATANTLY obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
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