Illinoize Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 Okay I'm a male 21 years old, she is 20 we have a 2 year old daughter and have been togeather for 3 years. Problem lately is when we text it's the same thing good mornings, how's work, I love you message and then maybe here and there something new. But recently we seem to be rough i alway feel like I have to try to make the move for sex. She's always tired and text me roughly about 2 hours out of the day. She works am shifts and goes to school at night. I go to work on 1st shift. I gotten into a habit of feeling upset when she doesn't text me back right away or at all. It has me questioning what's going on. So much to the point we got into a fight and she said I've gotten so worried she says she can't text me hello without me asking if she cheating on me or of she still loves me. She says she loves me "forever and ever". But I wanna know if you guys think i should worry much about it? We seem better now its been 2 days sense the fight but she still texting me a little less then usual. I asked my coworkers what I should do and they said check her phone so I did and didn't find anything even on Facebook. But I still feel like sad but kinda feel like I can't ask her if something's going on without her getting mad at me. Should I believe her or what can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 (edited) How often do you guys have sex? It sounds like you both have a full load on your plate with work, school and raising a child. I remember when my parents were in marital counseling, usually the average if you have such a schedule is about once a week....twice if you're lucky. I know I was drained when working and going to school full time, even without a kid. It sounds like you both are just stressed and everyone handles it differently. Maybe she is more so than you. It sounds like you are insecure and going overboard with checking her phone. It sounds like she's just overwhelmed with everything going on, it doesn't mean she is cheating on you. I was there once myself and stress really does take a toll on your sex drive. Edited April 30, 2013 by pink_sugar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Illinoize Posted May 1, 2013 Author Share Posted May 1, 2013 Umm usually like 4 times a weeks but I feel bad because I always ask kinda embarrassing but ya and she really hurt me when during the fight she said sometimes i don't want you over here bc all you do is ask me what's wrong or do u still love me? To her. Was just over there and she was tired but it still hurts to not really have as much affection Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 Oh wow, yeah. I don't think you have a sex issue. It sounds like she's just really overwhelmed. If it helps, consider seeing a pre-marital therapist. Perhaps you could emphasize how important it is to you that she show interest in making the first move and wait for her to take the lead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MuscleCarFan Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 You sound rather needy for a dude. Of course she is tired from both work and school! That's a lot to do. Try to plan to do fun things together do you both feel affectionate towards one another. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Illinoize Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 Well before we kinda took a few days off about 6 months ago she was like all about me and sense then it seems totally different i sent her this last night and am waiting for a response in the morning "Hi baby I know your asleep but I just wanted to say that I'm trying real hard to show you that I want to be with you and that you make me happy, I just feel like your not as happy with me as you were before we broke up for a few days... I feel like I have to make the 1st move every time, and if I ask you what's wrong that it will start a fight. I just want you to feel happy with me and show me that your happy it seems like you hide your feelings and I can't seem to get them out of you. I love you so much and I don't want to ever lose you and am doing all I can so you don't do that but I just wish to get more of your input on how you feel towards me and some reassurance not every week but a couple times here and there and some days where your clingy towards me would be nice. I love you way to much to ever want to break up. I don't want it to ever get to that point but it hurt me a lot when you said I keep asking you what's wrong all the time or me accusing you of cheating. And you saying its been going on for 6 months now and that I stress you out so much that you don't want to hangout with me sometimes or to even text me. I know you would never cheat on me I just get weird feelings when you get in these funks of not really showing me any affection or hardly talking to me. I just want to know that your happy with me and that you want to build a future with me and that one day we will get married I love you so much baby and I just would like some clearance and reassurance. Something long with how you feel and where you want are future to go would be nice I love you so much baby your my life, please text me with more then a couple words saying how you feel and where you think our futures going I love you baby goodnight" Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 "Hi baby I know your asleep but I just wanted to say that I'm trying real hard to show you that I want to be with you and that you make me happy, I just feel like your not as happy with me as you were before we broke up for a few days... I feel like I have to make the 1st move every time, and if I ask you what's wrong that it will start a fight. I just want you to feel happy with me and show me that your happy it seems like you hide your feelings and I can't seem to get them out of you. I love you so much and I don't want to ever lose you and am doing all I can so you don't do that but I just wish to get more of your input on how you feel towards me and some reassurance not every week but a couple times here and there and some days where your clingy towards me would be nice. I love you way to much to ever want to break up. I don't want it to ever get to that point but it hurt me a lot when you said I keep asking you what's wrong all the time or me accusing you of cheating. And you saying its been going on for 6 months now and that I stress you out so much that you don't want to hangout with me sometimes or to even text me. I know you would never cheat on me I just get weird feelings when you get in these funks of not really showing me any affection or hardly talking to me. I just want to know that your happy with me and that you want to build a future with me and that one day we will get married I love you so much baby and I just would like some clearance and reassurance. Something long with how you feel and where you want are future to go would be nice I love you so much baby your my life, please text me with more then a couple words saying how you feel and where you think our futures going I love you baby goodnight" You sent this in a text message??? Let me ask you a serious question: Do the two of you ever actually talk with your voices to each other, or is it all through text messaging and Facebook? Why don't you sit down next to her and say all of this to her with your voice instead of your fingers? Why are you having serious discussions about the future of your relationship over text message? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted May 4, 2013 Share Posted May 4, 2013 Why was the a text message and not a face to face discussion? Seriously. It actually sounds like YOU have the problem. What you fear the most, (her leaving,) is what you are creating by behaving this way. You are driving her away and you couldnt be more successful if you tried. Text messages are ok and I appreciate them too (I really do love cute little messages throughout the day,) BUT in circumstances where you are actually trying to address a serious issue and have a conversation, writing her an 18 page text is not a great idea. You are 20 and 21... but you are parents of a 2 year old and both of you need to act that way. She sounds like she is acting just fine. It sounds like you have the biggest issue. Where in her busy life taking care of a 2 year old, going to work full time, going to school full time, and then having sex with you 4 times a week is she finding time to think about anyone else, let alone sleep with/date or cheat with someone else??????????? Seriously. I hope you look within here and realize it MIGHT be you with the problem. Until you speak with her like an adult (as you are one!!!) you wont get very far. You have to have a sit down conversation with her and ask her what she is thinking about. You sound like youre smothering her with things, and to be honest, its not attractive, so she may pull away, which is why I stated what I did above. "You create what you fear the most." Which is losing her. You sound horribly needy which is exhausting for her, when she is already exhausted. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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