When is the right time to propose?

[Bonesz]

I've know my gf for 2 years now and we've been dating for one of those years. I'm pretty sure that I want to marry her and she seems sure also. We talk about it regularly and have our whole future planned out. So I guess in a way you can say we're already engaged?

 

But sometimes I feel like since it's only been a year, it's too soon to formally propose. Not because I'm having 2nd thoughts, but it just seems inappropriate.

 

If we do get married, we won't be able to until another 2 or 3 years after we finish school and can get our own place. When is the right time, or the most special time to formally propose to her?

[veggirl]

You're not "already engaged" if you haven't proposed.

How old are you guys?

 

A 2-3 yr engagement seems silly to me, why don't you wait and see how the next couple of years go and then propose a year before you'd marry if you still want to do so.

[Keenly]

You have to make sure its what YOU want. If you can live without her, she's not the one.

[Bonesz]

You have to make sure its what YOU want. If you can live without her, she's not the one.

No trust me, I'm pretty certain she's the one. I'm not really confused about IF I should propose. I'm confused about WHEN

[CarrieT]

No trust me, I'm pretty certain she's the one. I'm not really confused about IF I should propose. I'm confused about WHEN

 

You didn't answer how old you guys are... It is important.

 

And - unlike veggirl - I don't see anything wrong with a two or three year engagement. I just got engaged this past New Years (and I'm almost 50), and both my fiance and I lament that we can't have a longer engagement. We are marrying this November because his aging parents may not make it if we wait two+ years.

[yessy21]

Give it another year. it will give you 3 year relationship with a 1 year engagement. 4 year total.

 

you never really know someone until you have lived with them.

[Bonesz]

You didn't answer how old you guys are... It is important.

 

And - unlike veggirl - I don't see anything wrong with a two or three year engagement. I just got engaged this past New Years (and I'm almost 50), and both my fiance and I lament that we can't have a longer engagement. We are marrying this November because his aging parents may not make it if we wait two+ years.

I'm 25 and she's 21. We're not going to be able to move in together until we both graduate though.

 

I'm thinking about proposing not this summer, but the next summer on the day of our 2 year anniversary

[CarrieT]

I'm 25 and she's 21.

 

In light of this, I would wait until she is in her late 20s AT LEAST.

 

It has been well-established that brains do not fully develop until 23 or 24 and there will be so many changes you will both go through in the next decade.

 

There is a reason that marriages established in the early 20s do not last. Read up on GIGS. And the Seven Year Itch.

 

Those of us that have been around, seen it, had it happen to us, heartily recommend not even considering marriage until the late 20s or early 30s.

[pink_sugar]

You're not "already engaged" if you haven't proposed.

How old are you guys?

 

A 2-3 yr engagement seems silly to me, why don't you wait and see how the next couple of years go and then propose a year before you'd marry if you still want to do so.

 

+10

 

You can discuss marriage...you've already been together two years. If you don't plan to marry for another 2-3 years, wait at least another year or two before making the formalities.

 

In light of this, I would wait until she is in her late 20s AT LEAST.

 

It has been well-established that brains do not fully develop until 23 or 24 and there will be so many changes you will both go through in the next decade.

 

There is a reason that marriages established in the early 20s do not last. Read up on GIGS. And the Seven Year Itch.

 

Those of us that have been around, seen it, had it happen to us, heartily recommend not even considering marriage until the late 20s or early 30s.

 

I also second this one. Not that I don't love my husband, but if I could do it over...we should have taken it more slowly until we were more established emotionally and financially. Those major road bumps have really affected our relationship in a harsh way.

Edited April 16, 2013 by pink_sugar

[TaraMaiden]

In light of this, I would wait until she is in her late 20s AT LEAST.

 

It has been well-established that brains do not fully develop until 23 or 24 and there will be so many changes you will both go through in the next decade.

 

There is a reason that marriages established in the early 20s do not last. Read up on GIGS. And the Seven Year Itch.

 

Those of us that have been around, seen it, had it happen to us, heartily recommend not even considering marriage until the late 20s or early 30s.

Jeesh Bonesz, stop a second - she's barely an adult - and you're thinking of nabbing her and keeping her for the rest of her life??

Really?

Think about this, for a moment - here you have a girl who has had - how many previous BFs? and you? How many GF's have YOU had?

 

Look around you.

 

It's a huge world out there.

Don't limit yourselves at such a young age to committing to a life together, 'for as long as you both shall live' before you've even had a chance to breathe, enjoy life, gain new experiences and spread your fledgling wings....

I'm glad CarrieT mentioned the 'not fully cooked' brain, already, because if she hadn't, I would have, trust me.

 

Please put engagements/marriage proposals completely out of your mind for now.

I guarantee you, when she tells you, in a year or so, that she's not sure you two guys should carry on being together, any more - you will thank us.

 

Honestly.

 

I know i sound harsh and 'doomin'gloomish' but it's the truth. And experience tells us that.

[veggirl]

She is way too young for you to propose to her.

Has she had other serious relationships?

 

Please wait until you have been together longer, yes even the summer after this one is too soon, it will put her at what 22 or 23? No no....sorry but the people who are divorced at 29/30? They are the ones who got married at 22...obviously some of those relationships work out but on the whole....why rush if you don't need to.

In the meantime, why worry about it? it's quite a ways off. Relax and enjoy your relationship, put proposing and the like on the backburner, you guys are young and have only dated a year....stick with dating her without any pressures of proposing!!

Edited April 16, 2013 by veggirl

[ForeverHopeful1]

Hehehehe. You cannot say you are already engaged if you have only talked about it. Just ask her! Lol. She WILL not feel that way!!!

 

I dont think after one year you should ask anyone to marry you, but thats just me. I dont think after 2 years you should even ask someone to marry you. Whats the big rush? If you are "pretty certain shes the one" then NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Absolutely, unequivocally NO! Pretty certain means youre not positive and after only dating ONE YEAR you have no idea if you are dating an angel or a serial killer. Sorry to be so blunt, but you barely know her.

 

Enjoy spending more time together, travel, live together, do fun things, and really take the time you should take. Divorce rates are high because of stupid decisions like this. So take your time!

 

AND for the love of all things sacred, wait until your brains have finished growing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The part of your brain that can rationally determine what the consequences of your actions are, arent developed and hers wont be for another 5 years, so wait 5 years. That is my best answer! Much like CarrieT said, your brains dont actually finish growing until even after 23-24... its more like 25-26. So wait until she is at least 26! If you dont, she may drop you like a bad habit when she grows up.

 

Neither of you have grown up enough to "know" whether you are the one. What is the actual rush? Or do you just love her and want to spend your life with her? I am pretty sure you can do that without putting a label on it. Why cant you date for another 5 years?

 

With my husband, he did propose early (well, at an early age, 3.5 years into our relationship) but fortunately, I knew I was not ready and so did he. We finally tied the knot after almost 7 years together. I told him I wouldnt marry him until I was in my late 20s because I was scared we would change our minds or grow apart. Neither of us went anywhere, and we dated for many many years before getting married. I dont see what the rush is. We had a long engagement because I wasnt willing to divorce young because I made a stupid decision about a boy when I was 22.

 

What IS the rush though?

[Nyla]

You and your girlfriend need to learn much more about yourselves before you get married. You have only been together for a year and your girlfriend is too young to get married. Relax. There is no need to rush.

[pink_sugar]

I agree. When you marry young....it can take years to realize you aren't compatible...especially when you are young and immature. You don't want to be seeing a marital counselor in your early twenties to save a relationship with major issues.

[Lauriebell82]

I am going against the crowd and say that if you want to marry her then propose. I am not a fan of long engagements but you could use the time to see if you are compatible. I know lots of couples who got married in their early 20's and are still married 6 years later.

 

Could your marriage fail? Yes. Could it last? Yes.

Anyone can get divorced at any age.

[Bonesz]

Ok, ok guys sorry I'll wait

 

I actually thought I was doing better than average because most people I know will get married after barely knowing the person for 3 months.

Edited April 18, 2013 by Bonesz

[Cutiepie1976]

I am going against the crowd and say that if you want to marry her then propose. I am not a fan of long engagements but you could use the time to see if you are compatible. I know lots of couples who got married in their early 20's and are still married 6 years later.

 

Could your marriage fail? Yes. Could it last? Yes.

Anyone can get divorced at any age.

 

I absolutely agree with this!

 

There is no such thing as "right" timing or "right" age. I know a large number of couples who got married in college and are still happily married more than a decade or more later. I also know people who waited until they were in their 30's or 40's and barely lasted a couple of months in married life before throwing in the towel and heading for divorce.

 

The key is are you looking at the things that truly matter (values, goals, etc.) in ensuring a long-lasting, fulfilling marriage? Are you making sure that you are a match in relevant areas? Or is it just about finding each other HAWT and having butterflies right now? You need these, but you need everything else as well if you want any hope of having a marriage that lasts.

[AHoleLotOfCrazy]

My parents were married by the time they were 21 and had me by the time they were 23. They will have been together 29 years this June. Obviously this isn't true for everyone, but I'm just saying young marriages can work out if the two people really love each other. I would suggest living together once it's possible before you get married though.

[Bonesz]

I absolutely agree with this!

 

There is no such thing as "right" timing or "right" age. I know a large number of couples who got married in college and are still happily married more than a decade or more later. I also know people who waited until they were in their 30's or 40's and barely lasted a couple of months in married life before throwing in the towel and heading for divorce.

 

The key is are you looking at the things that truly matter (values, goals, etc.) in ensuring a long-lasting, fulfilling marriage? Are you making sure that you are a match in relevant areas? Or is it just about finding each other HAWT and having butterflies right now? You need these, but you need everything else as well if you want any hope of having a marriage that lasts.

We have an AMAZING relationship. We never fight or argue. If we have any conflicts, we're always able to work them out quickly and painlessly. She's my best friend and every single day I spend with her is amazing and fun. She supports me whenever I need it, and I'm always there for her. I feel like I'm a better person now than before I met her because I really want to work harder and accomplish more so that I can really say that I deserve to have her.

 

I've been in a few relationship, but I didn't believe anything like this could exist. I wanna say it's too good to be true, but I know it is. She's just an extremely sweet person with an incredible amount of love in her heart. I've never been happier in my life, so yeah that's why I feel like she's the one.

[pink_sugar]

You're still in the honeymoon phase. You are more likely to have arguments and more disagreements when and if you live together. Relationships aren't perfect.

[Nyla]

If you know that your girlfriend is the one, why rush? You're going to be together forever right?

 

I'm not saying that early marriages can never work out...just that marriage is much more likely to last when people gain life experience and perspective. Sometimes when people marry too young, they get restless as they mature and their worldview changes. I've read that the part of your brain that makes decisions is not even fully developed until age 25. I could have been married at 18; I am so glad that I listened to my mom.

[Star Gazer]

I know lots of couples who got married in their early 20's and are still married 6 years later.

 

Oh, WOW! 6 years later! That's proof that marriage in your early 20's works!

 

Not. They're not even in their 30's yet... They don't even know who they are yet.

 

OP: WAIT. A long, long time.

[carhill]

When is the right time, or the most special time to formally propose to her?

 

When you feel it is the right time. Each couple is different.

 

My dad apparently said to my mom 'let's get married'. They 'eloped' and got married in Yuma, AZ after a day's drive from California, some 60 years ago now, and were married for life. Me, I proposed in a santa suit at a Christmas party after dating for a year. We lasted ten years. YMMV>