pink_sugar Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 I've seen so many weddings these days where if the bride and groom have opposite sex siblings, they are included in the wedding party. Say the groom has his sister with the bridesmaids. It's really common and I know I am being silly, but it bothers me my brother and I have been close all our life and he isn't making an effort to include me in his wedding other than a typical guest. He's letting his fiance do everything in regards to the wedding. (Their relationship has been rocky and they have not been happy together, no not sure why he is getting married). I just cannot help feel insulted since all her siblings get to be in the wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 That's messed up. But look at it this way. You don't have to buy a dress you don't like, shoes you'll never wear again, no shower to plan, no extra expense of your expected contribution, no kissing her ass, and all the drama that you'll be spared. Being a guest isn't so bad sometimes. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 (Their relationship has been rocky and they have not been happy together, no not sure why he is getting married). So chalk it up to the fact that the marriage is not going to last anyway and you will have saved money from having to buy the hideous dress and shoes you will never wear again. I just cannot help feel insulted since all her siblings get to be in the wedding. It is not about you... It is probably about the Bridezilla who is clueless as to how close you and your brother are. Let it go. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 After all is said and done, what is more important? The wedding or the marriage? I know it's a big day but it is just one day. It's also a bigger day for them than it is for you. It is their day. Rise above. Don't spoil it for them. Support them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 Unless you are in the bride's social circle, it's a total pain in the a. Buy a great dress of your own choosing, offer support to each of them only on the projects you will enjoy. It sounds great. Besides, your dress will be better and anything you do..you will be thanked for...and not billed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emma11 Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I feel like I've been to an equal number of wedding where the sibling of the one getting married isn't in the wedding. I'm unsure if I'll be in my brothers. Not that his fiance and I don't get along, if fact she has long been considered part of the family, I just feel we're in different social groups and she has a lot of female friends who she's much closer to. Don't take it too personally. Are you too very close/friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted February 28, 2013 Author Share Posted February 28, 2013 Unless you are in the bride's social circle, it's a total pain in the a. Buy a great dress of your own choosing, offer support to each of them only on the projects you will enjoy. It sounds great. Besides, your dress will be better and anything you do..you will be thanked for...and not billed. I forgot to mention that my brother was in our wedding, so this could by why I feel this way. But you are right. I picked out a nice dress (although she had an issue with another dress I bought looking too much like her reception dress...which I've never seen). They want all the guests to be casual and only wedding party to be formal. My brother even said I should wear pants! Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Its not your wedding. Sh*t IRS not even his wedding It's Hers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 The bride has every right to choose her bridesmaids, she probably has sisters/family enough to choose from. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I forgot to mention that my brother was in our wedding, so this could by why I feel this way. But you are right. I picked out a nice dress (although she had an issue with another dress I bought looking too much like her reception dress...which I've never seen). They want all the guests to be casual and only wedding party to be formal. My brother even said I should wear pants! Oh, I'd wear pants then. I'm thinking black chiffon with a halter. Statement accessories. I always dress how I want and assume everyone else made a mistake. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
liquid_amber Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 when my sister got married 20 years ago, i was not part of the wedding. i remember feeling really bad at the time because she asked 2 of our cousins to be bridesmaids, but not me. i didn't understand why i was excluded from the wedding party, because we had a good relationship. not super close, but my relationship was good with both her and her fiance. i did go to the wedding, and i have continued to have a good relationship with her, her husband, and their 2 kids. i know it makes you feel bad that you’re not in the wedding, but attend the wedding anyway and be a good sport. the other posters are right, at least you get to avoid the stress of being in the wedding party. in the long run, it's really not that big of a deal. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 (edited) I've seen so many weddings these days where if the bride and groom have opposite sex siblings, they are included in the wedding party. Say the groom has his sister with the bridesmaids. It's really common and I know I am being silly, but it bothers me my brother and I have been close all our life and he isn't making an effort to include me in his wedding other than a typical guest. He's letting his fiance do everything in regards to the wedding. (Their relationship has been rocky and they have not been happy together, no not sure why he is getting married). I just cannot help feel insulted since all her siblings get to be in the wedding. I feel like lots of men aren't heavily invested in the details and etiquette of wedding planning. If it were your sister who left you out, I'd be more upset, as I would wager that she is largely in charge of the planning and therefore chose purposely to leave you out. If it is my brother and if I'm not particularly close with his fiance, I would understand if she didn't add me as a bridesmaid and not blame him too much. Of course he could push for it, but I can also understand how a man might not be so hung up on that and he isn't doing it to insult you, but his bride to be is the one in charge and he just allows it. Granted, when I get married, if my fiance has a sister or sisters, I'd try to incorporate them in some way but perhaps she isn't thinking like that. In any case if you're not even in support of the wedding and think the M will fail, I'd rather not pretend to be an elated bridesmaid in a sham . Seriously. I would also feel a bit weird if I wasn't close to my brother's fiance but had to hang out with all the bridesmaids who are her friends/relatives who maybe all know each other while I am the token sister of the groom lol. So personally, I'd not mind being a normal guest unless she was someone I was also close to and thus would genuinely have fun as a bridesmaid. Edited March 5, 2013 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 I feel like lots of men aren't heavily invested in the details and etiquette of wedding planning. If it were your sister who left you out, I'd be more upset, as I would wager that she is largely in charge of the planning and therefore chose purposely to leave you out. If it is my brother and if I'm not particularly close with his fiance, I would understand if she didn't add me as a bridesmaid and not blame him too much. Of course he could push for it, but I can also understand how a man might not be so hung up on that and he isn't doing it to insult you, but his bride to be is the one in charge and he just allows it. Granted, when I get married, if my fiance has a sister or sisters, I'd try to incorporate them in some way but perhaps she isn't thinking like that. In any case if you're not even in support of the wedding and think the M will fail, I'd rather not pretend to be an elated bridesmaid in a sham . Seriously. I would also feel a bit weird if I wasn't close to my brother's fiance but had to hang out with all the bridesmaids who are her friends/relatives who maybe all know each other while I am the token sister of the groom lol. So personally, I'd not mind being a normal guest unless she was someone I was also close to and thus would genuinely have fun as a bridesmaid. Good point. When I got married, we included my husband's brother's wife. However, it was a bit bizarre, because we had just met her the year before when they were married and didn't see her again until they flew out for our wedding. I think his brother even asked my husband why, because neither of us knew her well. Thought it would be a nice gesture and to even out the wedding party, but that is a very good point. If I could go back, it probably would have been best not to ask. Back then I thought she was being unappreciative, but I guess being a bridesmaid means you should be close or know the bride well. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 (edited) ................... Edited March 5, 2013 by BrokenPrincess Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 ................... Okay..... Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 I understand why you might feel this way, but from your OP you don't sound very well disposed towards your future sister in law OR the marriage in general. Perhaps this is coming through. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 If she thinks that you think poorly of her, then I'm not so surprised that you weren't invited to be a bridesmaid - if she's done nothing to you, and your brother appears to be happy. I was excluded from my sister's wedding, because I feel uncomfortable around her husband. On the one hand, I was grateful that I didn't have to watch her make what I think was a big mistake, but everything else - the things he's done, and the fact that she let him get away with it.. he was more important to her than I am, and I'm the one getting punished for his mistakes. It wouldn't have been so bad if it hadn't been for the way she started to treat me, too. Just go, enjoy your brother's happiness, and if it goes south, you get to be there for him (just don't say, "I told you so"). They could end up being happy together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 If she thinks that you think poorly of her, then I'm not so surprised that you weren't invited to be a bridesmaid - if she's done nothing to you, and your brother appears to be happy. I am not one to dislike people for no reason....there is a long history of issues and things her family has done to ours (she was involved), so none of my family is in favor of the marriage. My brother also does not seem happy at all. He decided to go along with marrying her, because she basically left him for a period and manipulated him into doing so. He didn't want her to break it off, so he finally gave in to proposing as his friends suggested. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 I am not one to dislike people for no reason....there is a long history of issues and things her family has done to ours (she was involved), so none of my family is in favor of the marriage. My brother also does not seem happy at all. He decided to go along with marrying her, because she basically left him for a period and manipulated him into doing so. He didn't want her to break it off, so he finally gave in to proposing as his friends suggested. She might be the wicked witch of the west and you might me nothing short of saintly … but you don't like her and her family and you're against the marriage. I don't know why you'd even want to be in the wedding party and I certainly can understand why she wouldn't want it - even if she is the Ted Bundy of women. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted March 6, 2013 Author Share Posted March 6, 2013 She might be the wicked witch of the west and you might me nothing short of saintly … but you don't like her and her family and you're against the marriage. I don't know why you'd even want to be in the wedding party and I certainly can understand why she wouldn't want it - even if she is the Ted Bundy of women. Good point, I actually regret having my brother in my wedding, because he and my dad left early and he made a huge fuss about being in the wedding for the same reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Good point. When I got married, we included my husband's brother's wife. However, it was a bit bizarre, because we had just met her the year before when they were married and didn't see her again until they flew out for our wedding. I think his brother even asked my husband why, because neither of us knew her well. Thought it would be a nice gesture and to even out the wedding party, but that is a very good point. If I could go back, it probably would have been best not to ask. Back then I thought she was being unappreciative, but I guess being a bridesmaid means you should be close or know the bride well. Yea. If I want to be nice, I will have you do something else in the wedding, not be a bridesmaid. I don't think I want to have traditional bridesmaids and groomsmen at my wedding anyway. But even if I do, all of them will need to be women I'm close to, who know me fairly well, who I'm genuinely happy to be around and who get along with each other. Not Cousin Tom's gf Liz whom I met once and things like that. It's my day and I should have it how I want with people who are meaningful to me and, yes, you do have to appease people a little but not to the point where you're choosing to go out of your way or putting together some awkward situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted May 28, 2013 Author Share Posted May 28, 2013 Just and update for everyone. A month before the wedding, the wedding was cancelled. His fiance took off with another guy (his friend) for a few days and came to the realization that they shouldn't be together. He still believes they didn't really "do anything" even though they are still hanging out nonstop and going out of town together. My brother moved his things out and the wedding is officially off. Everyone thinks it's for the best. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 You should throw him a James bond themed "Dodged a Bullet" coctail party. With Martinis, tuxedos, and strippers. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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