Am I Crazy?

[CBL2744]

Ok so let me set the stage here. I am a 31 year old man who works in the education industry and is engaged to be married with a very beautiful young lady (35 years old). We have been together for a little over 3 years. Set to be married in November 2013.

 

My question or dilemma is our sex life, or lack thereof. I am posting this because I am curious as to how much sex people are having on a regular basis. I know it is hard to say what would constitute a normal sex life. I know it is hard to define normal in regards to how many times a week/month you have sex. My issue is that my fiancee and I have sex approximately once every two months or so. We had sex on December 10, 2012 and then previously it was the end of October. Am I crazy to think having sex once since October 29th is a little strange?

 

I know that there are a large number of issues/factors/situations that can prevent regular sex. We have plenty of issues that we deal with in that regard. Am I crazy to expect or want to have sex once a week or even once every other week? Any input on this matter is greatly appreciated.

[TigerCub]

I know that there are a large number of issues/factors/situations that can prevent regular sex. We have plenty of issues that we deal with in that regard

 

what issues are those?

 

It isn't crazy to want sex on a more regular basis.

I know I wouldn't be happy if I were in your shoes.

 

Sex is about intimacy and closeness and unless there are health factors to cause this lack of sex in the relationship, then I would see that as a sign that something is wrong elsewhere in the R.

 

Don't marry her before you discuss this and find a solution. Because if you still go through with the marriage and you're obviously missing the sex and the intimacy then you will be back here complaining about your unhappy sexless marriage or even worse talking about contemplating divorce or an affair.

 

Figure this stuff out before you tie the knot.

[CBL2744]

And that IS something we have not done. The topic is brushed aside quite easily.

 

I don't think I have ever really had specific expectations as far as frequency. I would like to get to a place where the conversation and the act is open and easy. Like it used to be. There are deep seeded issues that need to be conquered.

 

I guess I was hoping that people would respond and say, "we have sex 4-5 times a week" and then I would bring it to my fiancee and say, look regular people have a lot of sex. I know that is the wrong way to approach it.

 

Thanks for the input.

[Cutiepie1976]

I would like to get to a place where the conversation and the act is open and easy. Like it used to be. There are deep seeded issues that need to be conquered.[/b]

How were things in the past? When did things change? Why? What issues? Regular sex rarely happens in a vacuum. Other aspects of your relationship can have a significant impact.

 

What are her thoughts on sex, the frequency, and your other "issues?"

 

I guess I was hoping that people would respond and say, "we have sex 4-5 times a week" and then I would bring it to my fiancee and say, look regular people have a lot of sex. I know that is the wrong way to approach it.

Yup! It would be an ill-advised approach. Focus instead on what you both need, not on what others do.

 

Communication to get this resolved is key. It may be a challenge, but try to keep the conversation thoughtful and relatively unemotional. Avoid putting each other on the defensive, making accusations, pointing out deficiencies, etc. Stay positive and focus instead on how you can both meet each other's needs more effectively both inside and outside the bedroom.

 

You need to get this and your other "issues" resolved BEFORE you walk down the aisle. Sex and the intimate connection that comes from that are pretty important in any healthy marriage.

 

Good luck!

[Nyla]

Married couples in America have sex an average of once or twice per week.

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-passion-paradox/201206/the-ins-and-outs-sexual-frequency

 

My husband and I have always been intimate more than twice a week, unless once of us is sick or I am menstruating. We have been together for six years, living together for four years and married for almost three years.

 

If you cannot have an open and honest discussion about sex with your fiancee, I strongly suggest eschewing marriage. Married couples are supposed to be able to talk about anything and walking down the aisle will only worsen the issues you have now.

[dichotomy]

Typically, sex quantity or quality decreases with time in a marriage and around child bearing. Without going into a long explanation I would say dating time sex was twice a week with fun things nearly every time, after a while in marriage and kids, we settled into around once a week (maybe 3 times a month) with fun things only maybe once a month or every other month. We are working on trying to improve this, but its complicated.

 

If this is how the sex is before marriage - expect less of it later. You have an issue my friend.

[OMGitskayleigh]

I think maybe it is best to talk to your fiancé and find out how she feels. Maybe she is insecure or her body has gone through a recent change (eg losing or putting on weight) that doesn't make her feel attractive anymore.

There's also the issue of some medications causing a drop in libido.

There is no normal amount of sex, it depends on the couple really, but I personally wouldn't be happy with how regular yours is. I have sex 3-4 times a week with my S/O. It used to be everyday but has dropped since we became more serious.

I hope things work out for you