HurtZ Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 Hi all, I have finally met the love of my life. I’m 35 so I had to kiss a few frogs first. Anyway, we are both madly in love with each other. He talks about being with my forever and everything is great. Due to my age, I am experiencing a little anxiety though because I eventually do want to have a child. Ideally, I’d like to get pregnant at the end of next year, so I would be 37 when I delivered, which isn’t unheard of in this day and age. So, my wonderful boyfriend and I have been together not even a year yet. It will be a year on new years eve. I am reluctant to bring up serious topics, like marriage and babies, because I don’t want to scare him away. I know that he would do anything to make me happy but I don’t want him to feel any pressure whatsoever to marry me. I want him to do it of his own accord. So my question is, am I prematurely freaking out? What should an appropriate amount of time be to wait for someone to propose? I was thinking about broaching the subject next spring. But I’m scared to talk about these serious things! Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 Well congrats on finding a guy that you love that loves you Now onto the issue... I can understand your anxiety because the clocks-a-tickin but IMO, its too soon to bring up marriage in the 'When are you gonna marry me?" sense. but, if as you say, you guys love each other and understand one another and stuff, then talking about marriage in general should be ok, shouldn't it? Do you know his opinion of marriage at all? How old is he? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HurtZ Posted November 19, 2012 Author Share Posted November 19, 2012 Well congrats on finding a guy that you love that loves you Now onto the issue... I can understand your anxiety because the clocks-a-tickin but IMO, its too soon to bring up marriage in the 'When are you gonna marry me?" sense. but, if as you say, you guys love each other and understand one another and stuff, then talking about marriage in general should be ok, shouldn't it? Do you know his opinion of marriage at all? How old is he? Thank you We are the exact same age ( 2 days apart). I don't really know his opinion but we had a conversation once about children and he said they he would want to be married first. However, I was buzzed on wine when we had this conversation and didn't really push the conversation further and that is where it ended. He asked me if I would want to be married ever, and I said "Yes, every girl wants to." I know, I blew this opportunity that would have been the perfect chance to discuss this. Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 A man who gets scared when you mention commitment is not the kind of man you want. It depends on how you broach this topic. No pressure, just a simple discussion. Tell your boyfriend that you just want to make sure that you're on the same page; there's nothing unreasonable about that. My husband was a commitmentphobe when we were dating. After two ridiculous breakups initiated by him, I refused to take him back a third time. I also dated other people and showed my husband that I was not going to sit at home, waiting for him to make up his mind. I tried an ultimatum which only made things worse. Finally, I gently told my husband that I loved him very much and I wanted to be his wife one day. I said that if he did not want marriage, he needed to tell me so that I could move on and find someone else, rather than play the back and forth games. I also told my husband that there would be no hard feelings if he was honest with me. I let him think about what he wanted without doing the "marry me or else" stuff that only breeds resentment. When my husband came begging for another chance like he always did the week after dumping me, I refused to go back to him. I wanted my husband to be CERTAIN that he wanted a commitment and I didn't want to be stuck if he changed his mind. We moved in together after 1.5 years of dating and we were engaged 2 months after I moved in. He has matured into a caring and responsible man. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 At 35, if marriage and babies are something you know you want, I am shocked you made it to almost a year without talking to him about it. Why did you wait?! You could have wasted a year with a man who doesn't want those things. You need to ask him if he wants both of those and if so when. He is not stupid he knows you are 35 and you can't conceive forever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 I can understand that he wouldn't want to rush, as a year isn't very long. Sometimes even two years isn't enough. But you both are 35, not 25, so it would be good to know you are both on the same page at least. Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted November 20, 2012 Share Posted November 20, 2012 If you aren't comfortable enough to talk to him about this, you are no where near ready for marriage. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Axee Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Please put yourself first. A guy who likes you will never hesitate or run away, but like others have said, do not give ultimatums..have a gentle discussion and be frank about ur needs and your reasons also, ( please dont mention the ticking biological clock rather you can phrase it like I would want to be strong and healthy when our babies grow into adults ) , talk my lady... All the best Link to post Share on other sites
movingon12 Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 Could you raise the topic of 'older parents' somehow ('a woman at work told me today she's trying to have a baby, she's 43!!' kind of thing...) Make a comment about how you can't understand people trying to have children in their 40s, given that they'll be retiring when their kids are entering uni and see his reaction. If he agrees that 40 is far too old to have children you could then ask if he has thought about how old he would like to be when he has his first. If he thinks 40 something is a great age to have kids then obviously this is something you'll need to discuss. Yeah he'll probably realise what you're up to, but you do need to discuss it. I don't know if you're taking birth control pills, but it can take many many months before your body returns to normal after stopping hormonal birth control, so it's not as though he can just say, 'ok, today's the day, let's try for a baby'. Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel V. Ross Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 Better to keep yourself relax and make decisions step by step. Link to post Share on other sites
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