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Plus ones...


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As far as wedding planning: I have my venue booked and a definite number of guests that is the maximum that can be invited ~ it's a relatively small venue, and if there are extra people it will cost $3000 + penalty + extra last minute set up + food/drinks.

 

I don't get to invite any of my friends, except the bridal party who are not family members, because I have such a large immediate family.

 

My mom thinks we should have a 21 year age limit (everyone under gets cut), and give everyone that is invited a +1, because it is better to have couples.

 

In general I agree with her, but if we do that there are only 2 first cousins of mine that get cut (who will be 20 at the time of the wedding), and there are 14 people who would have to get +1s (who are not married or engaged).

 

What do other people think about +1s? What is the polite thing to do, or what would you do?

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Why does she think couples are better?

 

I think it would be better to cut out who gets a +1 and who doesn't over first cousins (unless you're not close with them at all). If you are close with them then it doesn't make sense to cut them but then invite/pay for/welcome someone that got a new boyfriend 3 months ago.

 

Unless all those +1 people are serious in their relationships - which is hard to be the judge of.

 

I don't know - it's a tough one.

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Why does she think couples are better?

 

I think it would be better to cut out who gets a +1 and who doesn't over first cousins (unless you're not close with them at all). If you are close with them then it doesn't make sense to cut them but then invite/pay for/welcome someone that got a new boyfriend 3 months ago.

 

Unless all those +1 people are serious in their relationships - which is hard to be the judge of.

 

I don't know - it's a tough one.

I'm not sure, I think maybe she sees this as a "date" activity? I'm on the fence myself, since we're all family, so it's not as though someone without a date won't have anyone to talk to.

 

Even though I only see the 2 cousins who would be cut once every several years, and we never talk in between, I'm sure they would be offended (as would their parents) if they weren't invited, but people were bringing dates.

 

It also stinks if my cousin who is living with his gf doesn't get to bring her...but then all my other cousins who are "practically living" with their significant others will be offended.

 

The whole +1 things is too tricky, and I might have to stick with my original "married or engaged only" rule. Who's to say that someone in a relationship now will still be in one next year? Or someone who's single now will still be single?

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I think if you're really struggling with the guest list (and it seems like you are) then stick with the 'married or engaged only' rule. Try not to worry about upsetting people--you can never please everyone.

 

If there are people you're inviting who will have to travel a long way who can't bring a date according to that rule, then realize their attending will be less likely. Some people don't want to bother with the hassle and expense of traveling/arranging accommodations if they can't split the costs or at least have company for the journey. I certainly wouldn't be traveling halfway across my state and booking a hotel room for a whole weekend to attend my friend's wedding next month if I had to do it all by my lonesome.

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NichEpithsata

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I agree with tigress, if you're really struggling with keeping the guest list small, stick to inviting people with dates to only those who are in a serious relationship. While the +1 rule is good in my book for those who might not know many people at your wedding and will want to bring a date or friend along, you gotta look at the bottom line of things financially. And if that rule pushes you over budget, then restrict it to serious relationship dates only.

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PegNosePete

I tend to agree also. I don't think it is appropriate for someone to bring a "date" or even less a friend or companion to a wedding, just because they don't want to go alone. Unless there are sufficient places, of course :)

 

Long-term partner, fiance or spouse, sure. But to expect the bride and groom to pay for someone they have never met and aren't likely to meet again? No.

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