LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Transitioning > Getting Married

Where does jealousy stem from......


Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

Old 15th June 2011, 5:43 PM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 32
Where does jealousy stem from......

Often pondered why people get jealous. Besides the obvious; being envious. Where does this come from. For example: girl is with a great guy, good relationship and he loves her dearly and treats her well, however she gets jealous of other women/family members that meet someone new or begin dating someone.

Or a woman who has a nice home, but becomes jealous if someone else also buys a nice home. I see this mostly with women. Seldom see men behaving or acting jealous of one another.
Alfie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th June 2011, 7:58 PM   #2
New Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Zydeco Central
Posts: 2
Insecurity issues .. been there , done that .
pipedriver is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th June 2011, 10:40 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eastern USA
Posts: 3,178
some folks never outgrow the oneupmenship, its the concept that better can be best, and therefore if someone else has a perceived idea of what is "better" then they have to have it. Rather petty . Usually you see guys behave thru jealousy by having a better techno item or abs or something that makes them have the upper hand in this materialistic world. I personally don't get the girl type jealousy as we are each qualified to accept ourselves and our blessings. Its not gender preferenced , its more so that girls get the claws out and the guys get the muscles or brains out to out do one another....
Tayla is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16th June 2011, 10:51 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 77
well, in matters of love, for me anyway, its feeling threatened and afraid of losing the partner to someone else, then being alone feeling and dealing with low self esteem and self worth, as for material matters, one of them at least is wanting to feel better than everyone else, or a particular someone, so when they do as well or better, they get mad and feel a competitive.
Mag-Lone-Freak is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th June 2011, 9:54 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 19,374
Journal Entries: 1
My last relationship it was from him breaking a boundary, proving he wasn't the person he had portrayed himself to be. I stayed with him but I never blindly trusted him again. It took me awhile to not get jealous of others and then it was cos I stopped caring as much about him.

Sometimes people do things that cause insecurity, not just something you're born with. There's a variety of different reasons why people are jealous, depends on the two people in the relationship.
Citizen Erased is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th June 2011, 10:47 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: forest of yore
Posts: 4,195
I think it often stems from the combination of a sense of attachment and ownership that can never actually be met in real life, sometimes combined with disrespectful behaviour within a relationship.
denise_xo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th June 2011, 2:27 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eastern USA
Posts: 3,178
Denise, thanks for your post, I never thought of it that way , yet it clicks and makes sense!
Tayla is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th June 2011, 9:29 PM   #8
New Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1
Sumycin on line

purchase Zofran without a rx online Fedex Artane without prescription Demadex overnight no consult buy Neoral amex online without rx purchase Avalide without prescription to ship overnight buy Crixivan without a rx overnight delivery buy Biaxin mastercard in Oklahoma safety order Metaglip purchase Videx pay pal online without rx Free shipping Amaryl order Avodart usa cod purchase cheap prescription Sinemet Cr Dexone without prescription shipped overnight express order Alesse online with overnight delivery purchase rx Seromycin without to purchase Zetia mastercard safety order Vasotec purchase Bactrim no prescription cheap Priligy online purchase Tavist non prescription fedex overnight free order Dexone pharmacy purchase Lotemax online without script fedex Parlodel without priscription Aggrenox buy fedex buy Seromycin mastercard medication cod cheapest Neggram available online how to purchase Famvir online without rx buy Kemadrin without a rx overnight shipping Danocrine overnight delivery fed ex Online pharmacy cod Renagel Antabuse purchased online without prescription purchase Lexapro over the counter cod overnight Requip no doctors consult i want to buy Diprolene without a perscription Vantin non rx fedex overnight free Ziagen next day Trandate without prescription mexico Order Aricept overnight cod ordering Robaxin without a script Online pharmacy cod Arava no prescriptions needed for Glucotrol canadian prescriptions Accutane
moollaImmerce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th June 2011, 10:18 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: MARGARITAVILLE
Posts: 387
I agree with all the posts here. I also wanted to mention from a relationship standpoint if one doesnt trust the other, he/she may sense something that they dont consciously realize. Which obviously is only one of the many reasons that it could be.

From the other standpoint it is also a need to fill our self gratification as well as the other reasons mentioned.

In both cases IMO there may be one main focus/reason or many. And an insecure person this list may be intensified dependant upon where there insecurities stem from.
ON MY OWN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th June 2011, 10:58 AM   #10
Established Member
 
Finch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 174
To be annoyingly pedantic the OP is dealing with two different emotions. Though they are often used interchangeably, jealousy and envy are not the same thing.
Jealousy is something that occurs when you feel your relationship is being infringed upon. Basically you become jealous when you think a rival is going to take away someone whom you feel is rightfully yours. That rival may also have qualities that incite you to feel envy, which is desiring something that someone else has. We feel envy when we compare ourselves to other people and to what they have. I might say I feel jealous when my boyfriend kisses another women, but I envy my sister's new ebook reader.
There are some arguments that jealousy is part of a build-in defense mechanism that alerts us to the possibility that a valued relationship is at stake. The problem is that jealousy can be incredibly intense - it can obliterate rational thought in some people and can set off a series of behaviours that end up pushing away the person you are trying to hold on to.
Jealousy is also connected to other personality traits, and studies have found that some people are more prone to it than others. People who have higher levels of some form of neuroticism - emotional instability, anger, anxiety and depression, tend to be more prone to jealousy. People who are more agreeable - co-operative and compassionate - are less likely to become jealous.

Interestingly, there was a report a few years ago from a study that found 40% of women deliberately provoke a bit of jealousy in a partner to get a reading on the strength of their bond. this occurs most often in the early stages of a relationship when jealousy has a correlation to to caring, so provoking it can be a way of testing to see if it's safe to invest more emotion. I'm not condoning this, I just think it's interesting.

Unfortunately our brains don't release just a little bit of jealousy but instead it tends to land with brute force and lends itself easily to obsession and delusion. Emotions give us an illusion of certainty, and so jealousy can make us certain of our perception of the world, which makes us less likely to engage in reality-testing. Such complex creatures we are. Whatever the trigger, some psychologists argue that jealousy can be turned for good rather than destruction if people recognize it as a signal to look within and repair their own sense of self-worth.
Finch is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Where does jealousy/insecurity stem from? Nikki Sahagin Coping 2 16th December 2009 3:35 PM
what's the problem with stem cell research? annieo Spirituality & Religious Beliefs 52 8th June 2008 9:20 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:48 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.