murphomatic Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 (edited) So, I did it ... I finally found "the one" back in late November. I'm certain I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I proposed earlier this month, and we've determined to get married in November of this year. I'm 35, she's 32. I've never been married, she's divorced, 2 kids. She has indicated to me that since she's been married before, she wants this wedding to be everything that I want in a wedding. Her logic: She's already had a wedding, and I haven't. Me - I'm completely at a loss. I have no idea what I want in a wedding outside of some very simple concepts. I guess I simply fit the stereotype of most guys - we don't dream about our weddings from the time we're little boys - so we're rather clueless about how a wedding is planned, executed, etc. We're in the throws now of wedding-planning, and holy smokes! I'm ready to just freakin' ELOPE or go down to the courthouse and have it done already! We're both frustrated with the process. I don't know what I want in regards to a wedding - I'm very easily pleased with anything really, very go-with-the-flow kind of guy, so I don't have much of an opinion on things. If I'm asked whether or not I like something, my feedback in honest, but I couldn't tell you whether or not I preferred chicken over beef to be served to the guests... So, here's the aspect that frustrates us the most. She wants this to be a wedding by my design. I have no idea what "my design" is - I just want it to be a nice wedding that we both enjoy and don't kill each other trying to plan, or have to break into Fort Knox to finance. When I try to take the ball and run with it - my ignorance and naivety about weddings frustrates her (I'm a guy and am clueless about venues, menus, options, keepsakes, attire, cakes, roles, blah, blah, blah...). The things I come up with are either not practical or really don't make a lot of sense. I really just want to take a hands-off approach and let her pick and choose all the things she likes, but this frustrates her because she wants my participation ... and then when I participate, she doesn't like my input .. so it frustrates me. It's depressing me that this has to be such a painful process and I really don't understand why it seems that it must be. Can anyone offer input that would help a groom-to-be foster a planning-friendly environment for a bride-to-be, and not leave her wanting to strangle her groom-to-be? Help! Edited April 20, 2011 by murphomatic Link to post Share on other sites
Ophelia11 Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 Have you tried telling her what you've laid out here? I think what you say is reasonable. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 basically she says do what you want..... but, ewe- not that ? have her come up with "an idea to go off of"; basically what she sees. look at it and use that as a guide and create. this is a great lesson in compromise and working together! also, you HAVE TO HAVE A SET LIMIT/ BUDGET!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 I know this isn't what your thread is about, but holy cow, weren't you with somebody else in October? And you've only been with this person since November? That's a scarily short time to start calling somebody "the one"...I know you guys are a bit older and probably think this is the right time in your lives to start getting married and whatever, but really, 5 months? You can't wait to see if your relationship can survive past the honeymoon stage??? That's really scary....hope it works out for you, but get a prenup!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted April 28, 2011 Author Share Posted April 28, 2011 I know this isn't what your thread is about, but holy cow, weren't you with somebody else in October? And you've only been with this person since November? That's a scarily short time to start calling somebody "the one"...I know you guys are a bit older and probably think this is the right time in your lives to start getting married and whatever, but really, 5 months? You can't wait to see if your relationship can survive past the honeymoon stage??? That's really scary....hope it works out for you, but get a prenup!!! I know - from the outside-vantage-point, we look insane. And believe me - I've always been one to say "one year dating minimum + 1 year engagement minimum." But this one is right ... and really - only I can be the judge of that. My previous beliefs about love have shifted, and I have found that when you DO indeed find TRUE love - the rule book just goes out the fncking window. I have looked for her all of my life, and she has looked for me all of hers .. nothing short of a miracle that we found each other. It's true that I did split with someone last October, but this was someone that I should've split with 1 year prior to that even. I actually split with her due to drugs/alcohol problems over a year ago (Feb of 2010), and she came back "pretending" to be sober .. but wasn't. I have threads on here about it if you wish to read them. So, while she and I may have split in October, I had been emotionally detached from her for quite awhile, and she came back in a probationary sense ... which she failed. So, ... end of story. I didn't start the new relationship under the pretense of rebound, I was just able to move on quickly from the past due to the circumstances. ========= Everyone else - thanks for the input .. we're compromising nicely on things, have the budget set, have found a venue, and loving every moment of it. I spoke with her as candidly as I posted here. She gets it. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted April 28, 2011 Share Posted April 28, 2011 Everyone else - thanks for the input .. we're compromising nicely on things, have the budget set, have found a venue, and loving every moment of it. I spoke with her as candidly as I posted here. She gets it. :bunny: yay!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted December 6, 2012 Author Share Posted December 6, 2012 Engaged in April of 2011, married November 5th of 2011. One year anniversary just passed by - So in love with my wife and family. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 6, 2012 Share Posted December 6, 2012 Engaged in April of 2011, married November 5th of 2011. One year anniversary just passed by - So in love with my wife and family. So happy for you murphomatic....congratulations, i hope you always hold your family dear, and that love is around you and always near, i hope that all your good times are many and long, so when bad times come you can't go wrong, with those memories many and held all so tight, you marriage,family and life will turn out right........ best of wishes and many happy years to follow for all your days together and tomorrows......deb Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted December 6, 2012 Share Posted December 6, 2012 If a big wedding isn't your thing, perhaps sit down and discuss what you both really want and what's important to you both. If she doesn't want another wedding do-over with all the frills and you want something simple, suggest that you keep it small. It's all over within a few hours, so think about how you spend your money wisely. Maybe consider spending more on a nice honeymoon? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 6, 2012 Share Posted December 6, 2012 If a big wedding isn't your thing, perhaps sit down and discuss what you both really want and what's important to you both. If she doesn't want another wedding do-over with all the frills and you want something simple, suggest that you keep it small. It's all over within a few hours, so think about how you spend your money wisely. Maybe consider spending more on a nice honeymoon? they have been married now for over a year ....smilin....yay they survived the wedding having one year anniversary....lol....deb Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 they have been married now for over a year ....smilin....yay they survived the wedding having one year anniversary....lol....deb Oops! I didn't realize the date until now, Link to post Share on other sites
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