Family member getting married

[plrs199]

My boyfriend's cousin is getting married in August. We live in WA and the wedding is taking place in AZ; so quite a distance for us.

My boyfriend is supposed to be a groomsmen but he just doesn't want to go. His cousin's fiancée bullied him into saying he would go when they asked earlier in the year.

Yesterday my boyfriend put his foot down and said he wasn't going to go because he doesn't really get along with his cousin's side of the family and he would have to take a week off of work to be able to go down there. And he can't afford to lose that income.

Well, the fiancée is pissed and is badmouthing him on facebook; saying that he is selfish and that he hates that side of the family. And now she has deleted my boyfriend and I off of her facebook.

I think she is overreacting completely. Am I alone in this thinking?

She's saying that he is ruining her wedding and that she will never forgive him. She is going to fly someone in from Colorado to even out the bridal party because god forbid there is one less groomsmen than bridesmaids. So stupid.

[Art_Critic]

I think she is overreacting completely. Am I alone in this thinking?

 

Your not alone... she is no doubt over reacting..

 

but........

 

Your BF said yes and accepted the role..

His word is at stake IMO..

A person shouldn't accept this position and then back down..

 

Your BF shouldn't have said yes if he wasn't going to follow thru with it or if he couldn't have afforded it, i'm sure they would have understood..

But now, plans have been made around his commitment..

 

and yes.. she should just move beyond it.. if he backs out.. so be it and she shouldn't cause more drama..

 

Resolution.. he needs to talk this out with the groom and hammer it it.. even if he pulls out at least he will have the backing of the groom

[plrs199]

Well, at first he didn't even know he was going to be in the wedding. He said he would go if he could get the time off, if he was in the position to go (we're also moving to a new apartment in August) etc. So he never said for sure that he would go. Then a few months ago they told him he was going to be in the wedding which puts a lot more pressure on him to go. When this was at first just going to be a "I'll go if it's convenient sort of thing". He's also had some trouble at work with having his job threatened and it's just not a good time to ask for a week off.

 

His cousin lets the fiancée completely control him and it's sad. He may end up not being able to talk to his cousin to make sure he's on his side. She'll probably screen his calls, check his Facebook/ email (which she already does) to make sure my boyfriend can't talk to his cousin.

 

So, yeah, kinda sucky situation.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks she's overreacting, though.

[allina]

Your bf said he was going AND accepted the role of a groomsman. Then, about two months before the wedding he decided he didn't want to go. I think he was rude and thoughtless.

 

While I don't agree with the cousin's finance, I do think that your bf's actions were super crappy.

[plrs199]

"Your bf said he was going AND accepted the role of a groomsman. Then, about two months before the wedding he decided he didn't want to go. I think he was rude and thoughtless."

 

I don't understand? He never explicitly said yes. When they first asked it was about a year ago and my boyfriend said that it was a possibility, definitely not a sure thing. Then later on they just acted as if he had said yes and that was it. There was no formal invitation and they shouldn't have picked him as a groomsman when he wasn't sure if he could go.

I don't see why he was being rude and thoughtless.