I don't really like it.

[2ndwivesclub]

Okay, I don't know if this is the right board but the topic's right. My bf gave me a ring back in February. Here's my problem: I don't really like it. We had one custom made that I loved; white gold, princess cut solitaire. He sat on it for almost a year, and then took it back for bill money. The ring he gave me is either a family ring or he got money from a relative and instead of keeping the one he knew I loved, he gave me this one, along w/a non-romantic proposal complete w/lecture. The current ring has one of those illusion settings that makes the stone look bigger, which he knows I don't like, and it's too high and in yellow gold.

 

Therein lies the problem. How do I tell him I'm still hurt about the ring, and that since he decided to be stubborn and give me what HE thought I should get I want to modify this ring.

 

As a sidebar, I know it's tacky but since this is no. 2 for both of us, I just want the same consideration he gave wife no. 1. She btw got a custom made platinum job. I think my ring, and I say "mine" as he refers to this one as "his" when we fight cost the same as hers and it scared him into thinking that it's an omen or something. What should I do? I don't want to hurt him, and I've probably left this too long but what am I supposed to say? Sorry about the babbling/baggage. I just thought a little background info would help. I know I'm shallow, but really I can't keep making excuses why I don't wear the ring every day can I?

[turtle]

I think it was wrong for him to buy you a beautiful custom ring that you loved and then to return it a year later. It was a gift from him to you...he can't take it back unless you broke off the engagement. If he is having trouble with paying bills, he should have found another solution or he should have waited to buy you a ring.

 

I would put your foot down on this one. Tell him to go buy back the ring that you guys had made for you. If he can't afford it, either offer to help him or pick out a cheaper one that you still like.

 

I'd be careful with this guy. Make sure you work out any financial issues before you tie the knot.

[2ndwivesclub]

I know I really should say something, but how do you start the conversation 5mos after the fact? I don't want to seem ungrateful, but give me a break! I waited 2yrs for him to feel ready to get me a ring, and then after another year of him sitting on the fence and me foolishly showing him that I am a good choice, this is what he does. You see, his first wife hurt him real bad. So now, anytime our relationship vaguely reminds him of theirs, its like omg things are going to turn out the same!

 

To be quite honest, I don't think it was bills. He's never been out of work more than 2wks in the last 3.5yrs. I don't think he ever intended to give me the ring. I (read we)picked the stone and setting, he even said he liked it when he got it. It just happened to cost the exact same amount as her's. Oh well. I know I already said this, but I just want the same consideration she got. Did I mention that when he "proposed" he told me that he wasn't going to ask as he knew I would, and then went on to say that the ring carries a lot of responsibility and therefore I'll be expected to improve the quality/quantity of my household chores. So much for the romantic experience that we can tell the grandkids about. He actually asked me why I didn't cry like I'd said I probably would. Well duh! You sold back the ring of my dreams, gave me one you didn't even the courteousy to have cleaned, and lectured me. Disappointed, yes. Moved to tears, not so much.

 

I'm sorry to keep going on like this; I know it's petty and foolish, its just nice to find a place to talk about it. I suppose I could include the web address showing the ring I was supposed to get. It's actually shown the way he ordered it. If you want to peak, http://www.spencediamonds.com style#2311 Sigh.. I suppose that's enough whining for today. Thanks for being here to listen.

[RogueK]

I couldn't stand it if i was looking to spend my life with someone but that person was unsure of things because of some bulls**t omen.

 

Hand the ring back to him if you're not happy about it. Tell him it's a bad omen when your fiancee doesn't like the ring.

[2ndwivesclub]

I don't know how I did it, but I done did it. Remember how I was saying that the ring was supposed to belong to a deceased relative? Well the husband of said late relative died yesterday. I don't know what to do now. Do I just bite the bullet and wear these rings for the rest of my life or do I do say something after the funeral? I feel almost tacky saying something now, but I do have a practical reason. You see I'm in healthcare and there's no way I could try wearing the ring(s) to work as is; even the wedding ring(it's a set) is a no no as there's little mini diamonds in it too. Plain bands only. You see, my original request was for practical reasons too.

 

I'm really in a bind. I'd really appreciate some advice as to how to handle this now emotionally charged situation. Thanks.

[Leikela]

No offense, but the way your future husband proposed to you speaks VOLUMES!! Do you really want to spend your life with someone who obviously doesn't respect you? Proposing to someone is supposed to be memorable and touching. Saying that you have to do more chores around the house is ridiculous and a down right disgusting way to ask someone to spend the rest of their life with them. I would take a second look at your relationship and see if this is something you want to deal with the rest of your life because once you get married it will only get worse. Good luck!

[Something Blue]

Originally posted by Leikela

No offense, but the way your future husband proposed to you speaks VOLUMES!! Do you really want to spend your life with someone who obviously doesn't respect you? Proposing to someone is supposed to be memorable and touching. Saying that you have to do more chores around the house is ridiculous and a down right disgusting way to ask someone to spend the rest of their life with them. I would take a second look at your relationship and see if this is something you want to deal with the rest of your life because once you get married it will only get worse. Good luck!

 

 

I agree! If my husband had ever said anything like that to me, I would have laughed in his face. That's just downright rude and degrading...especially considering the special moment he chose to ruin.

[Jamie31]

Let me tell you - it is YOUR ring once he gives it to you and if you are going to wear it the rest of your life, it should be the ring of your dreams. Some people say "Oh, it's the thought that counts" and blah blah blah......yeah maybe, but you deserve to have a beautiful ring. And if he loved you enough, he would get you the one you wanted. After all, you are the one that is going to have to wear it forever.

 

The first ring my husband gave me when he proposed, I didn't like either. But of course, we hadn't even looked at engagement rings yet. I didn't even konw he was thinking about proposing. Anyway, I didn't like it, but I wore it for a little while. It was yellow gold, which I don't wear, and a marquis cut, and I wanted a princess cut.

 

So I wore it for about a year, and then we finally set a date and started planning our wedding, and i just sat him down and told him that although, I love the ring he bought me, the one I really wanted and dreamed of was........etc etc. Luckily, he understood and a few months later, I have a beautiful platinum 1ct. princess cut ring that I always wanted, and my wedding band is equally beautiful.

 

Just sit him down and talk to him. Let him know how you feel. Next time you are in the mall with him, go buy one of the jewlery stores and show him what you want.

 

Hope everything works out!