Angel Posted May 31, 2002 Share Posted May 31, 2002 I have been going with my b/f for 1 year. We have a beautiful relationship, he is everything I want in a man (kind, loyal, caring, loving, honest, etc.) but-----he has very little money because of his large child support payments (has a 16 yr old and a 10 yr old). We would like to marry, but the reality is he cannot even buy me a ring, let alone share a household with me. I love him, but I don't want to waste my years with a man that cannot afford a life with me (not that I require a lot---I work and take care of myself). I am pragmatic about things like this, and I don't want to go no where fast. We are both in our forties and I don't feel I have that much more time to invest in a relationship that is not headed for marriage. How long should I wait? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 31, 2002 Share Posted May 31, 2002 You need to move on immediately. Obviously, financial security is very important to you. This man cannot offer you that. If you were half your age, I'd say stick it out with a man who is down financially because he will pick himself up eventually. But there is not much hope for your guy until his children are grown. If this man (in his 40's) hasn't gotten his financial act together by now, it's highly unlikely he ever will. Finances and associated problems are among the top reasons for divorce. There is no good reason to continue a relationship with someone who is not likely to be able to provide you with the level of security you need at your age. You already knew the answer to this question. I am curious as to why you asked. Why would you think waiting six months, a year...or more would make any difference? Oh, yes, maybe he'll win the lottery...I forgot about that possibility. Good luck. I hope you're able to work through this, avoiding as much pain as possible for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel Posted May 31, 2002 Author Share Posted May 31, 2002 Oh Tony, your posts are so on-target, when I read your reply I started crying because I know you are right! The problem is is that we truly love each other and are so passionately right for each other---but you are right. How do I break up with someone because of money--what do I say? Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 31, 2002 Share Posted May 31, 2002 YOU ASK: "How do I break up with someone because of money--what do I say? Please help." I think the only thing you can do is be very honest about this. After all, you are two grown-up, mature individuals who should have learned by now to shoot straight. You need to very kindly let him know how much you love him. However, you need to let him know your concerns and that you don't feel it practical at this time in your life to continue a long term relationship with someone whose financial future is unstable or questionable. If he really loves you, he will undestand and let you go. If he's a selfish baxtard, he'll get pissed and try to make you feel guilty...which will make it all the easier to leave him. You have got to understand that committed relationships are as much about money as anything else. Marriage is a union of two people who are in love and who will be in business together...the business of making a life, a home, and day to day living with each other, all of which take money, budgeting, etc. If one of the parties is financially irresponsible, they cannot hold up their end of the contract. You knew the answer to this question, too. I know why you asked it, though. You're looking for an easy way out. There is none. Your relationship has just lasted a whole lot longer than it should have. It takes a lot more than love and passion to sustain a relationship. It doesn't sound so romantic but love must be built on a base of respect, consideration and sound financial standing. Call a divorce attorney in your town...at random. Ask him how many of his clients come in for divorces based related to financial disputes, problems or irresponsiblity. If you can find a copy, read "Marriage is a Loving Business" by Paul Haulk. If you call Albert Ellis' Institute for Rational Living in New York City he may loan you his copy. They may also know where to find a copy...it was published some 20 years ago. I admire you for being practical enough to address this issue ahead of time and not so insanely in love that you think the matter will just "fix itself" once you tie the knot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel Posted May 31, 2002 Author Share Posted May 31, 2002 Thank you so very much Tony. I will do what you have suggested. I will keep you posted. May God bless you, for you help others so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts