Living spaces

[Ranjy]

My SO and I are getting married in the summer. I have 3 roommates and they are in the process of finding new places to live because we are getting married. My SO does not feel comfortable at my house. He prefers his 1 bedroom apartment. He likes to be by himself and does not understand why I would want to jump to stay at his place. I own a home and have all the responsiblities that go with that. How can I make him feel comfortable? I would like him to move in to help with things financially for me now that the roommates are gone. How can I approach this or have it happen? We love each other and are very happy together.

[BeenThere]

Ranjy,

 

I really wish my own 'significant other' was online to respond to this post! Both of us laugh about this story since we went through the same thing a little over a year ago.

 

Poor John had been so use to his tiny one-bedroom that he became the master at cramming lots of things into very small spaces. Including himself! Since he was not accustomed to the luxury of 'spreading out', when he moved into my home he had managed to pile everything he owned in one tiny corner of my downstairs den.

 

For weeks, I waited for him to unpack and start spreading his things around. I wanted so much for him to feel comfortable and at home. But he never expanded beyond that little dark corner; even going so far as to set up his desk and computer there.

 

After two months, I had enough! I wasn't going to hint or wait around any longer! This called for an intervention!

 

I decided to forget my manners and began unpacking FOR HIM. Of course, this led to me finding some things I shouldn't have found, but what better excuse to "snoop" through all his ex-girlfriend photos and love letters than this? (Can't help it, its in the female DNA!)

 

And yes, although John's gargoyles and Harley Davidson memorabilia did look kind of silly sitting next to my collection of Hopi Pottery --- And his Men's Life Collection "How to Make Love to a Women" looked out of place next to my Encylepidia of the North American Indian ---I did finally manage to coax him out of the corner.

 

I grabbed some of his family photos and took it upon myself to hang them around the house. The same artwork he had hanging on his walls at home, I took the liberty of hanging on the walls in my house even though they did not match the decor. I wanted him to feel comfortable and figured having some familiar things around him would help.

 

And being a "caver" myself who needs alone time to recharge, I cleaned out an entire bedroom for Johnny so he could set up his own home office...his very own "bat cave" where he could retreat and close the door when I got on his nerves. He calls it "The Harley Suite," and its pretty awesome!

 

And just to make SURE he felt at home...I gave him full reign over the garage to do with as he likes (so long as I can still park my car). Since I have my own studio for doing craftwork, I figured Johnny deserved one too!

 

I think John is FINALLY feeling comfortable enough to go ahead and treat the house as his own. He is now turning the garage into his toolshop so he can pursue his hobby of woodcrafting. He told me just last night that he didn't even enjoy going into work anymore; that he loved being at home with me so much that he didn't like to leave.

 

I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful that makes me feel...

 

It might take a little coaxing, but I'm sure you're guy will eventually learn to love your place as much as you do. You'll just have to put in a little effort to help him along. After all, a house is just a house. But LOVE...is what makes it a home!

 

My SO and I are getting married in the summer. I have 3 roommates and they are in the process of finding new places to live because we are getting married. My SO does not feel comfortable at my house. He prefers his 1 bedroom apartment. He likes to be by himself and does not understand why I would want to jump to stay at his place. I own a home and have all the responsiblities that go with that. How can I make him feel comfortable? I would like him to move in to help with things financially for me now that the roommates are gone. How can I approach this or have it happen? We love each other and are very happy together.

[velvet]

Maybe he needs to see the lease trough. Have you asked him?

 

If your going to be married this summer, than I imagine that he will be moving in soon enough. Take the time that you have now to concentrate on the wedding. You can wait a couple months! Even fiancially!

My SO and I are getting married in the summer. I have 3 roommates and they are in the process of finding new places to live because we are getting married. My SO does not feel comfortable at my house. He prefers his 1 bedroom apartment. He likes to be by himself and does not understand why I would want to jump to stay at his place. I own a home and have all the responsiblities that go with that. How can I make him feel comfortable? I would like him to move in to help with things financially for me now that the roommates are gone. How can I approach this or have it happen? We love each other and are very happy together.

[Ed]

I am so glad to hear that you love each other and are very happy together. That will help tremendously when you get married this summer.

 

If there's any chance at all that your fiance` is going to move into your home, getting rid of the roomates was the right thing to do. However, if this has put you in a financial bind and you didn't discuss it with your fiance` first, well, you are on your own. If you can't make ends meet without the financial help of others then you should have had other arrangements lined up before telling your roomates to find someplace else to live.

 

Most married couples live together after they are married, if not before. If you really are going to get married this summer, I guess it's time to ask him, "Honey, where are we going to live when we get married?" The conversation that develops from that question should give you an indication as to what you need to do next.

 

If you are going to be married AND you are going to live together AND he doesn't want to live in your house, then you will either have to sell it or rent it out. Otherwise, it will be sitting vacant and eventually be reposessed by your loan company if you can't make the payments.

 

Discuss this with your fiance and, between the two of you, figure out which way to go.

 

Are you the same person that made a similar post under the name Jackson last week? Whether you are or not, you might want to read (or reread) the responses to that post for additional suggestions.

[Karlee]

I have been there. My b/f too had a one bedroom and I too had the house and it took him about one year before he decided to move in with me. It is a man thing...he feels safer in his own domain, in his bachelor pad, my b/f said it was scary thinking that he would have to give up his own personal space. He thought that his freedom and independence would be lost, and that things would be different as I was the home owner and he was not. It took him a while before he actually called my house our house.

 

Just give him time and let him know that just because he is moving in with you does not mean that he won't have his own life, let him know that if he wants to go out with the boys or do his own thing that this is ok with you, and then he will understand better what he is in for.

 

Years ago when I moved in with a then boyfriend I was terrified because I was giving up my place and then you wonder if things are going to work, in my case they did not and I had to find another place to live, but it all boils down to the security issues and I would just give him some time. Take it from one who has been there. There was a time when I thought that Dave would never move in with me, I just stopped asking him and one day he just up and gave his notice and I was in shock for the first week and did not actually believe that he was moving in with me until the day that we packed up all his stuff and moved into my place...(Now if only I could get him to put the toilet seat down and pick up after himself then I would have no complaints.

 

Good luck