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My fiance and I are trying to decide how to bring 2 households into 1. He has his own apartment and I own a house w/ roommates. I want to keep my house because I have worked to keep it for 6 years and I love it. My fiance does not have the credit for us to get a home together. He just finished school and has many student loans, and is just getting his first real job etc. He has his PhD and MD. I have been working for 13 years and am well established in my carreer field. I feel like there may be inequality in our relationship, but I don't want him to feel that way. He sometime feels insecure about our relationship. What should I do about the house and how do people go about trying to rearrange their lives. We are both in our mid 30s and are getting married this summer.

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First of all, have a good talk with him and get this inequity crap eliminated from the equation. There is no good reason why either of you should feel odd about the circumstances.

 

While you may be bringing a house into the relationship, he is bringing massive education that will produce at least several million dollars over the next five to ten years. If anything, he is bringing MORE to the table than you are. The two of you are far more evolved and mature to let this be an issue and if you don't get it settled, it will be a major impediment to your happy life together.

 

Give your roommates notice that they will be expected to be out of your house 30 days prior to your scheduled wedding date. Spend that 30 days painting and preparing your home for your new lives together.

 

When you get married, everything should be in one big pot. By law in most states, you will retain the equity in your home as of the day of marriage so have the house appraised. After that, any appreciation will be a joint asset or "community property" as it is termed in most states.

 

As he makes his way in the professional world, there is no doubt that one day he will want to buy a nicer, larger home and then you can go from there.

 

Marriage is all about love but it's all about business too. But you can't start out with all these feelings about equity or whatever. Just get married and be happy. If either of you ever bring up the subject of inequity during your marriage, unless there is a blatant disparity or one is taking advantage of the other, SHAME on whoever brings it up.

 

Go and be happy and both of you get off this inequity kick.

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Things are uneven in your relationship---and a man's ego is very fragile and women should be careful. But Because of his situation---not having anything because he was a student (not because he was lazy and shiftless)I think it is okay to move into your home. Reassure him that you love him, and that as soon as he gets established it will be your turn. It sounds like you have a good man!

My fiance and I are trying to decide how to bring 2 households into 1. He has his own apartment and I own a house w/ roommates. I want to keep my house because I have worked to keep it for 6 years and I love it. My fiance does not have the credit for us to get a home together. He just finished school and has many student loans, and is just getting his first real job etc. He has his PhD and MD. I have been working for 13 years and am well established in my carreer field. I feel like there may be inequality in our relationship, but I don't want him to feel that way. He sometime feels insecure about our relationship. What should I do about the house and how do people go about trying to rearrange their lives. We are both in our mid 30s and are getting married this summer.
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Although we are not married, my current boyfriend and I faced this same issue only a little over a year ago. While "J" owned a one-bedroom condo, I already had my own single family house which was already paid for with the exception of a small equity line. Since J's place wouldn't have been big enough for the both of us, he put the condo up for rent and moved in with me.

 

Because the lease was in my name, I wouldn't have felt right asking J to pay half the morgage even if there was one. Simply because, if I decided to sell later, I would be the only one to profit from the sale. And besides, J was still paying the morgage and condo fees on his own place even though it was being rented.

 

We decided to split all the utilities down the middle along with the grocery bill and general house maintenance stuff. I figured this was fair since my electric, water usage and food expenses doubled with the addition of a second person. J also offered to split the property tax with me, although I protested (a little). He said it was only right since he was living there also.

 

Whenever there is some kind of improvement or upgrade to my home (like the tile we just layed in the laudry room)...I pay for the materials and "J" pitches in with the work. This works out nicely since any investment made towards the home is something that "I" alone will profit from in the event that its sale.

 

So far things have worked out just great and we are both pretty satisfied with our arrangement. Fortuneately, we don't have to deal with the "roomate" issue except for a couple of free-loading cats who are cheap, spoiled, lazy, and unmotivated. They do absolutely nothing to help out around the house, but unlike teenagers, we've never had to pay them allowance, nor will they ever ask to borrow the car. :)

 

My fiance and I are trying to decide how to bring 2 households into 1. He has his own apartment and I own a house w/ roommates. I want to keep my house because I have worked to keep it for 6 years and I love it. My fiance does not have the credit for us to get a home together. He just finished school and has many student loans, and is just getting his first real job etc. He has his PhD and MD. I have been working for 13 years and am well established in my carreer field. I feel like there may be inequality in our relationship, but I don't want him to feel that way. He sometime feels insecure about our relationship. What should I do about the house and how do people go about trying to rearrange their lives. We are both in our mid 30s and are getting married this summer.
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Now this one has taken me by surprise!

 

I thought that "community property" only pertained to those assests aquired by the couple "jointly" during the term of their marraige...and that all property and/or assets obtained by the individuals *prior* to the marraige agreement remained the sole asset of its original holder and was not subject to property settlement in the event of a later divorse? At least that's how my attorney explained it!

 

Does this mean, that if she marries this man, the house she has spent all those years paying for now becomes HIS property as well?!?!?...YIKES!

 

What happens if this guy doesn't pay her one cent towards the morgage while he's there...decides after finishing his school (and being provided free room and board) to leave his wife? Are you saying that because she married him he would still be entitled to half the value of **HER** HOME!! And what happens in those states which have "common wife" laws???

 

This is enough to scare anyone who is financially independant from EVER getting married! Thank God for pre-nups!

 

First of all, have a good talk with him and get this inequity crap eliminated from the equation. There is no good reason why either of you should feel odd about the circumstances. While you may be bringing a house into the relationship, he is bringing massive education that will produce at least several million dollars over the next five to ten years. If anything, he is bringing MORE to the table than you are. The two of you are far more evolved and mature to let this be an issue and if you don't get it settled, it will be a major impediment to your happy life together. Give your roommates notice that they will be expected to be out of your house 30 days prior to your scheduled wedding date. Spend that 30 days painting and preparing your home for your new lives together. When you get married, everything should be in one big pot. By law in most states, you will retain the equity in your home as of the day of marriage so have the house appraised. After that, any appreciation will be a joint asset or "community property" as it is termed in most states.

 

As he makes his way in the professional world, there is no doubt that one day he will want to buy a nicer, larger home and then you can go from there. Marriage is all about love but it's all about business too. But you can't start out with all these feelings about equity or whatever. Just get married and be happy. If either of you ever bring up the subject of inequity during your marriage, unless there is a blatant disparity or one is taking advantage of the other, SHAME on whoever brings it up. Go and be happy and both of you get off this inequity kick.

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Laws differ from state to state. But, generally, in community property states each party to a marriage keeps the full value of the assets they have on the day of marriage but any increase in equity or any further appreciation of any asset becomes the joint property of both.

 

Your attorney may very well have been right for your state.

 

In the end, it's really what the judge decides if things get to that point.

 

I think if two people get overly concerned about their "stuff" as it relates to their upcoming life together, the relationship is bound for trouble. While it's prudent to cover yourself if you've got substantial worth, I don't think it shows a mindset that is condusive to a long term partnership.

 

I personally think that prenuptual agreements are, in fact, divorces placed in escrow. But people have evolved into a more greedy, less likely to keep committments mode and therefore I suppose it's all necessary.

 

Not very romantic at all.

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BeenThere,

 

Tony is absolutely correct for the majority of states that have community property laws, with only minor variations. It would be best to check the laws in any particular state to be sure.

 

The key element is - what the equity is in her house prior to marriage. She, generally, will get to keep what was hers before the marriage if she can easily prove it. But remember, right now, she only "owns" a portion of the house anyway. The mortgage or loan company "owns" the rest.

 

The opposing spouse is not entitled to any portion of the assets that she owned before the marriage, as long as it can still be identified and documented. Any and all appreciation of an asset (real estate, bank accounts...whatever) after marriage, is subject to be designated as "community property" because the acquisition and/or appreciation took place after the community began. Every payment made on that house after they get married may be considered half his, no matter who actually paid it. He would not be entitled to any portion of the equity she had in the house prior to getting married, as long as she can document it.

 

That is why she needs to get an appraisal of her property AND a statement from the loan company showing how much she still owes on the property, just prior to the marriage. While she is at it, it would not be a bad idea to get the balance on those education loans of his because she could also get credit for paying off half of it.

 

There are a few acquisitions that can take place after marriage that are "usually" not considered community property, like, gifts, life insurance benefits and inheritances, but any interest earned off of them may be. Here again, this varies from state to state and should be checked if someone is that concerned.

 

I won't even talk about co-mingled funds! That's when it really gets convoluted, nasty and expensive to settle.

 

My feelings about prenuptial agreements are about the same as Tony's too. They are merely a document stating that, "I intend to have a fair fight over our joint property if we get divorced". Prenups are often contested and usually cost more to defend than just having a plain old knock'em down, drag'em out divorce settlement. Of course, not many attorneys will tell you that. They don't mind writing up prenups or defending them :)

 

If I sound like a lawyer, I am not one. But, I have consulted with one too many of them! Anyone who is concerned or interested should check the applicable laws in their own state.

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Not to trivialize your career field at all, but why did you mention his MD and PhD AND his mountain of debt (likely piled up to acquire all that paper) but neglect to say what this career you have?

 

Have you considered that this inequality you sense just might be the reverse of what you sense it to be?

 

He might think you are less than his equal even if currently you are making the better money.

 

I'm not trying to introduce doubt here, but being the son of an MD, I know how easy it is for doctors to get caught up in a superiority trap.

 

BTW, one way out of your housing trouble is to rent out your house entirely and use that for rental income. Move into a neutral place that you both choose so you as a couple have a fresh start.

 

if it's a rental place at first, so be it.

 

His income is going to balloon rather quickly. Buy a house together at that time.

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Thank you for advice. I'll certainly remember it if I'm ever looking for a roommate in the future. Cats make wonderful roommates :)

Fortuneately, we don't have to deal with the "roomate" issue except for a couple of free-loading cats who are cheap, spoiled, lazy, and unmotivated. They do absolutely nothing to help out around the house, but unlike teenagers, we've never had to pay them allowance, nor will they ever ask to borrow the car. :)
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Congratulations, I hope all goes very well for you.

 

I personally could not live with six roommates and a husband. It will cause a lot of tension. You could try living with him on a temporary basis until his lease is up. After he sees the lease through I would hope that some of these roommates have found some place elese to call their own. Or he can find someone to take over the lease now for him and he can move in with you.

 

I think it would be great to live in seperate homes even after marriage! With the money he will bring in he should buy out the house next door to you and when you want to see him you can walk across the yard. He can cook dinner and invite you over, and vice versa. Seperate house, car, bank account, dog, & furnishings. It's an idea!!!

 

But seriously marriage is a bigger commitment than most realize. One day you might be pulling out your hair & telling him you hate him. Who needs that!

 

When you marry you become one. Whats yours is his, and whats his should be yours. Till death do you part. You might want to consider just living together. Things get ugly during divorce. It's one of the hardest things to go through in life. It's best to go ahead and prep the legal documents now rather than later during the divorce.

My fiance and I are trying to decide how to bring 2 households into 1. He has his own apartment and I own a house w/ roommates. I want to keep my house because I have worked to keep it for 6 years and I love it. My fiance does not have the credit for us to get a home together. He just finished school and has many student loans, and is just getting his first real job etc. He has his PhD and MD. I have been working for 13 years and am well established in my carreer field. I feel like there may be inequality in our relationship, but I don't want him to feel that way. He sometime feels insecure about our relationship. What should I do about the house and how do people go about trying to rearrange their lives. We are both in our mid 30s and are getting married this summer.
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