tarapags1107 Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Hello- I have been struggling with my relationship for the past 4 out of 5 yrs and am low and behold engaged to this man. I am "suppossed" to get married next year Sept 09, and am feeling really upset about this whole relationship. We've allready put the deposit 1500 dollars non-refundable down on the reception hall and jack and jill. I repeatedly told him that I was not happy with our relationship and we cannot come to the point I feel we need to be to get married. Most of the fights are over little things, but he just doesn't have any patience with me. I have suggessted counseling or him getting some medication to help with his temper, but he refuses. He says "we" need to work on things, not just him but I feel like I have put alot of effort into trying allready. We fight almost everyday about something and he is extremely immature about things. He is responsible at work, just very immature. I feel like we don't have a connection. I have a hard time getting him off his playstation to talk to me and he barely ever shows affection. He is constantly putting me down in some way or another and I feel like he doesn't understand that I am "human " and forget to turn off the light to the bathroom. He says I am wasting his money when I want to buy healthy groceries or try new recipes, even though I pay the entire mortgage and heating bills. He complains constantly about my father coming over to visit me and how I never want to do anything with anyone else which isn't true. He always thinks about himself before other people and constantly swears at me. He was "brought up" in a household where swearing was "tolerated" . I am just sick of this relationship and don't know what to do.. Thanks for listening. Tara Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyandfrustrated Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Tara, take the $1500 loss and get your life back. It'll be worth every single penny. Is it your house? Kick him out. If it's his, find your own place, and if he's a violent angry, move while he's at work. I left an ex while he was sleeping, with only a bag of clothes, because that was the safest way for me. Be safe. If you put him out, and are scared of his reaction, call the local police and ask for help. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Tara, What has kept you in this relationship for so long, and what is stopping you from leaving it? It is possible that you may need some individual counseling to increase your self-esteem and confidence, and come to a place where you feel worthy and deserving of only the best treatment from others. I agree with Lonely, to do what you must do to get out of this relationship as quickly as possible. Your own emotional, mental and spiritual well-being, and physical safety are of utmost importance. Make YOU your number one priority. Always. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 wow. well, for starters, don't get married. really. just don't. it sounds like you'd both need a few years of both individual and partners therapy to even start to make that work. suck up the $1500 loss, it's worth your freedom any day...and YOU pay the mortgage, so kick his a** out, let him play his playstation on one of his buddies' couches for a while. if he can begin to see the error of his ways from that couch, maybe you can start talking about reconciling on more equal terms, and with provisions: like, only if you both get some counseling. you need to learn to be more assertive and discerning and raise your self-esteem, and he needs to grow the hell up and stop being so self-absorbed and controlling. good luck with that. Link to post Share on other sites
kitty23 Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 No matter how you deny it, it's pretty obvious you know to yourself that your so called love had already run out of flame. Putting off the idea of your long planned wedding is a complete statement saying he's no longer your once fiance. (Unless he's into financial trouble right now) Stop hurting yourself. Face your demon. Ask him and whatever his explanations live on with your life. You don't deserve to be treated this way. No matter how you'll keep on saying about you not getting any younger anymore the situation will not get better unless you act on it. You deserve someone else better than you're getting from him. Link to post Share on other sites
almost famous Posted September 20, 2008 Share Posted September 20, 2008 I hope it's just your name on the mortgage. Kick him out on his sorry ass and pawn off the ring (unless he was too cheap to even give you that.) Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 Hello- I repeatedly told him that I was not happy with our relationship and we cannot come to the point I feel we need to be to get married. Most of the fights are over little things, but he just doesn't have any patience with me. Explain? I have suggessted counseling or him getting some medication to help with his temper, but he refuses. He says "we" need to work on things, not just him but I feel like I have put alot of effort into trying allready. We fight almost everyday about something and he is extremely immature about things. Can you ellaborate on this? He is responsible at work, just very immature. I feel like we don't have a connection. I have a hard time getting him off his playstation to talk to me and he barely ever shows affection. He is constantly putting me down in some way or another and I feel like he doesn't understand that I am "human " and forget to turn off the light to the bathroom. He says I am wasting his money when I want to buy healthy groceries or try new recipes, even though I pay the entire mortgage and heating bills. He complains constantly about my father coming over to visit me and how I never want to do anything with anyone else which isn't true. He always thinks about himself before other people and constantly swears at me. He was "brought up" in a household where swearing was "tolerated" . I am just sick of this relationship and don't know what to do.. Thanks for listening. Tara I am trying to understand the connection that you are "human" and forgeting to turn off the bathroom light. Why does he swear at you? Do you guys have conflicting personalities and butt-heads frequently? Link to post Share on other sites
GPFan Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 I am just sick of this relationship and don't know what to do.. Thanks for listening. TaraHi Tara, Your words here say it all. $1,500. is indeed a small price to pay when considering the alternative. Make the right decision for yourself and everything will fall into place. Good luck and I wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 Wow. Looks like the concensus of opinion here is that frankly, if you get married, you need your head examining.... Guess what? I'm of the same opinion. In fact, I think that if you decide to go ANY FURTHER into this relationship from this day onward - right now! - you're really onto a path of self destruction. L- E - A - V - E N - O - W!! It's the best and only thing you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Peter2008 Posted October 6, 2008 Share Posted October 6, 2008 To my mind, age is not an issue. It's what you like and what you're comfortable with. Given your concerns, I'd say yes, discuss it with your fiance. If your fiancé is clearly remorseful and honest with you about his past, he may have already worked through these issues. _________________________________________________________________ Capture One Auto Transport Link to post Share on other sites
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