Confused5433 Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I was just ask to be a bridesmaid for my cousin that is 7years younger than me. I said yes without thinking and now I regret the decision. I feel so awkard being the older over 25 person in her bridal party. I don't know how to say it to her, but I rather just be a guest and not go through all the bridesmaid dress shopping, etc. I've done that many times in the last 2 yrs. Besides, I don't even have a bf and I just feel like a joke to walk down the aisle for my cousins wedding. I know this is her moment, but Im just not going to feel comfortable. How could I lay it down for her??? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Truly, honesty will go a long way to avoid hurt feelings in this case. Just tell her that you feel too "old maid-ish" and, although you 100% support her marriage, wish her and her groom the very best, so much appreciate how much she obviously cherishes you and her relationship with you, blah blah blah. I wouldn't mention about the hassles and expense that goes along with being a bridesmaid, though. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 What Ronni said... Although 25 is not too old to be a BM at all, considering where I live, people don't first get married til 29-30. Link to post Share on other sites
Throne Of Lies Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I agree with both the above. But at my sister's wedding, I was the only person BELOW 25 in the wedding party. And also the only single one. I took it as an opportunity to get ridiculously hammered. I stand by that decision. I think it is sort of silly how women get hung up about their age. I mean, I used to date this 27 year old (when I was 22), that totally made me lose it every time we were around each other. Like, bad, ie- spilling stuff on myself, walking into doors and other assorted hilarities. So I'm not really sure where this idea of "OH JEBIDIAH I'M NOT 16 ANYMORE NO MAN WILL EVER WANT ME!!!11!OMG!!!!WTFBBQ!1!!!" Came from. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused5433 Posted July 31, 2008 Author Share Posted July 31, 2008 I appreciate your replies. Im actually 27 and she just turned 20. I feel bad about this situation, considering that I was a BM for my brothers wedding in June. There's no real excuse, (besides financial) except that I feel too old for this 15-20 bridal party. I don't know, I guess it's a little embarrassing to be a single and older Bridesmaid for a younger fam/friend. It's just a reminder that Im still SINGLE. It might sound silly, and maybe I should ignore it, but that's just how I feel. Every since I ended my relationship, I have been to over 13 weddings. I have been a BM 3 times already. It's like destiny is playing a mean joke one me, and it won't stop. I've become quite strong and enjoyed all of my fam/friends wedding celebration. But come on...deep down it stings a little!! Sometime I just have to laugh at myself to keep from tearing up...ha! Link to post Share on other sites
Arise_Serpentor Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 just go an have fun! you won't get more attention than the bride no matter how hard you try! Its her day! have fun! you should be honored behing chosen! I have never been asked to be a bridesmaid myself! Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 You will look hot and who knows, there may be some single men at the wedding too.....the bridesmaids always get the most attention from the single men at weddings.. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 I have been a BM 3 times already. It's like destiny is playing a mean joke one me, and it won't stop. come on...deep down it stings a little!! Well, yes. That is exactly THE problem. These are your own experiences and feelings and perceptions, and it is important that you honour them - you deserve to do that for yourself. The thing is to just withdraw yourself from the wedding party in a way that does justice to your own current needs and feelings AND ALSO allows the bride and groom to understand that it is about you and not them; that you are not "put out" by them, per se; and to not give them any impression that it is about your pain, hassle and expense, or that you're tired of forking out for the honour of serving some other happy couple on their Big Day. Just tell them you'd find it embarrassing because of your age and uncomfortable because of how you're viewing your own prospects in the romantic arena. They will understand, I'm quite sure. And you won't have to go through a day that you will not enjoy -- you deserve to take care of your own needs about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Beaches Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 I am in the process of planning a wedding...and by reading you post it sound like you're only worried about your feelings. Yes you're older but you're family....before any friends, family comes first. Who cares if you don't have a bf, one of my bridesmaids is the only single "friend" that is coming to my wedding and she is not dwelling on it. What matters is being there for your cousin. My cousin who is 18 is walking my wedding and she looks up to me and is thrilled to be a part of my court...I'm almost 30. If you are having doubts, tell her now so you can be replaced or she can make other plans. I had a bridesmaids drop out and I was embarrassed to tell my fiance to drop one of his guys. Just my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 I am in the process of planning a wedding...and by reading you post it sound like you're only worried about your feelings. Yes you're older but you're family....before any friends, family comes first. Who cares if you don't have a bf, one of my bridesmaids is the only single "friend" that is coming to my wedding and she is not dwelling on it. What matters is being there for your cousin. My cousin who is 18 is walking my wedding and she looks up to me and is thrilled to be a part of my court...I'm almost 30. If you are having doubts, tell her now so you can be replaced or she can make other plans. I had a bridesmaids drop out and I was embarrassed to tell my fiance to drop one of his guys. Just my 2 cents. It doesn't really matter if there are more BM's than GM's though...I have seen weddings where there is an uneven amount Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused5433 Posted August 11, 2008 Author Share Posted August 11, 2008 Oh I feel terrible now. I talked to my cousin yesterday, and she confessed how hurt she was to my response of being a bridesmaid. She cried that night and felt so disrespected because I suggest she might pick other girls. I asked her to forgive me, and we are ok now, but I feel so bad that she felt that way. Now I want to make it up and be her bridesmaid, but she it's ok and I don't have to anymore. She is like my kid sister, and I just completely shut her out because of the age difference and my ego, I guess. The good news is that I will be helping her out with the decorations, catering and so forth. I will make her day special no matter what, I just wish I hadn't hurt her feeling that way. Link to post Share on other sites
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