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One track mind!!


lady-in-waiting

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lady-in-waiting

I have been with my partner for nearly 5 years and we have 2 precious children together. We are really happy as a couple, but recently I have become obbsessed with getting married. :confused: We have talked about it before and both agreed we would like to get married at some stage. The problem is that I am at that stage. I cant see why when we have 2children together and are in essence living as a married couple why we shouldnt just seal the deal. I have talked to him about how I feel and that I feel concerned that we will get stuck in that rut of being together for years and it becoming irrelevant whether we marry or not. He has told me to not talk about it and he will ask me if I stop talking about it, he has also said that he doesnt want to do it when so many other people are and be a 'sheep". I have politely explained that the majority of people in our age brackets will be get married over the next 10years and that I wont wait that long till everyone else we know is married off. I have tried beong understanding and supportive, ive trued not saying anything, ive made him promise to propse this yearand currently ive got to the stage when i try not to mention it but seem to all day long! If he loves me enough to have children and spend our lives together, then why not commit to marriage. How do i put it out of my mind??

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What will getting married change?

 

Why are you so desperate to get married?

 

ive made him promise to propse this year

 

You think this type of behaviour is making him want to get married?

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How do i put it out of my mind??

L-I-W, sometimes our thoughts get stuck in a loop that just becomes stronger and more obsessive. Rather than try to put it out of your mind, maybe it'll be a better idea to bring it all to the front of your mind so you can really deal with it?

 

Try compiling two lists:

1. What will I miss out on, if I NEVER get married?

2. What will I gain (or 'What do I hope to gain') when I DO get married?

 

Just allow your words and feelings to flow - don't edit or critique or try to understand it as you're going along.

 

Perhaps such an exercise will help you understand why your need is so strong right now. You may find that there is something else that is causing some anxiety or concern, and there's this sense that "marriage" is the fix-it (a lot of it may be subconscious at this stage.)

 

Or you might discover that, subconsciously, it's more about trying to alleviate peer/family pressure (or something else); and that you don't really feel a similar pressure within yourself.

 

Or maybe it's more about publicly celebrating your loving family with people you care about and who care about you...which can be done without the "legalities", if that will satisfy your current desire.

 

There is obviously something going on for you, internally. Chances are you won't have peace about it until you sort it out. I'd suggest to gain some clarity around your own needs, desires and concerns; and what is driving your current obsessive thoughts. Then talk with your partner so that you can both work for a mutually satisfactory solution.

 

You will either come to your own realization that marriage is important to you, or that your life is *perfect* just exactly the way it is now.

 

Best of luck.

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