Jump to content

Maybe I shouldn't have said that.


Recommended Posts

I'm bothered. And Impatient. My live in boyfriend and I were up late one night talking and he asked when I was expecting to get married or engaged. We have been together for just almost 2 years. I told him I expected to be at least engaged by our 4 year anniversary. But I really want to get engaged now. I don't mind waiting for however long to get married. But I feel like its time for us to be engaged. And to make things worse almost all of my girlfriends are getting engaged, and have been with their boyfriends for less than a year. My boyfriend is wanting to take things the logical route, and everything, which is good. But couldn't he just throw that out the window? I need some input here.

Link to post
Share on other sites
And to make things worse almost all of my girlfriends are getting engaged, and have been with their boyfriends for less than a year. My boyfriend is wanting to take things the logical route, and everything, which is good. But couldn't he just throw that out the window? I need some input here.

 

WHY should he throw the "logical route" out the window? Just because your friends are rushing down the aisle?

 

As long as he indicated the potential for marriage down the road, I'd try to be patient with him and allow him to go down that "logical route."

Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with SG that you should try to be patient. You gave him a deadline, by your 4 year anniversary. You have only been together 2, so why are you pissed off? You should have gave him an earlier date if you were that anxious. And I would try not to let your freinds getting engaged and marriage add to your pressure and cloud your judgement. All my freinds are either engaged or married, and am starting to feel a little pressure, but i would like to wait until I'm done with school and financially stable..so I'm ok with waiting.

 

You are saying that you don't care about getting married real soon, but want to be engaged..what is you getting engaged going to change? Yeah he will have made a more significant committment and all, but you can still have a good stable and committed relationship without being engaged. A ring isn't going to change your life or make your relationship better..actually it will probably add more stress to your relationship. If things are going well right now, why don't you relax and wait for him to pop the question when you least expect it. Maybe the reason he isn't asking is because he thinks you are expecting it or are to anxious to get it....

Link to post
Share on other sites
I agree with SG that you should try to be patient. You gave him a deadline, by your 4 year anniversary. You have only been together 2, so why are you pissed off? You should have gave him an earlier date if you were that anxious. And I would try not to let your freinds getting engaged and marriage add to your pressure and cloud your judgement. All my freinds are either engaged or married, and am starting to feel a little pressure, but i would like to wait until I'm done with school and financially stable..so I'm ok with waiting.

 

You are saying that you don't care about getting married real soon, but want to be engaged..what is you getting engaged going to change? Yeah he will have made a more significant committment and all, but you can still have a good stable and committed relationship without being engaged. A ring isn't going to change your life or make your relationship better..actually it will probably add more stress to your relationship. If things are going well right now, why don't you relax and wait for him to pop the question when you least expect it. Maybe the reason he isn't asking is because he thinks you are expecting it or are to anxious to get it....

 

LB you HAVE been listening to your aunties and uncles at Loveshack! :p

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't stress this enough but "all my friends are getting married/engaged" is the LAST reason to do it yourself. Also if your bf asked he must be thinking about it, so maybe his deadline is before your 4 year (pretend) deadline.

 

Not to go off topic here but what's up with women wanting to get engaged with no solid plans to marry? Isn't an engagement something you do when you are 100% ready to set the date and start planning the wedding? :confused:

Link to post
Share on other sites
Isn't an engagement something you do when you are 100% ready to set the date and start planning the wedding? :confused:

 

Only if you go the logical route. :D

Link to post
Share on other sites
I can't stress this enough but "all my friends are getting married/engaged" is the LAST reason to do it yourself. Also if your bf asked he must be thinking about it, so maybe his deadline is before your 4 year (pretend) deadline.

 

Not to go off topic here but what's up with women wanting to get engaged with no solid plans to marry? Isn't an engagement something you do when you are 100% ready to set the date and start planning the wedding? :confused:

 

Yeah, that's what I think. My friend has been engaged for like 2 years and they don't even know when they are going to get married. So it would be like no different if they were just dating right now..which is what I said you should only be engaged if you are ready to actively plan the wedding.

 

Lovely, it sounds like you want the security of an engagement and know that your bf is committed to you. But honestly, if neither of you care about getting married within the next year then being engaged would be no different then just dating. If you are that intent on getting engaged, I think you should set an internal deadline for yourself (like you will leave if he hasn't proposed a year from now), but just say it to yourself..don't give him an ultimatum. But to me, it doesn't sound like you are in a hurry to get married, just engaged. And don't be in a hurry to do that.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Only if you go the logical route. :D

 

Yeah, that's what I think. My friend has been engaged for like 2 years and they don't even know when they are going to get married. So it would be like no different if they were just dating right now..which is what I said you should only be engaged if you are ready to actively plan the wedding.

 

 

Ok good I'm not alone here. I hear women say that they want to get engaged so badly now and then married maybe a few years down the road, I don't get it! Plus these end up being the couples that often never make it down the isle.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ok good I'm not alone here. I hear women say that they want to get engaged so badly now and then married maybe a few years down the road, I don't get it! Plus these end up being the couples that often never make it down the isle.

 

Yes, very true. I mean, I can understand if you want to solidify your committment and all to just be engaged, but if you aren't actively planning a wedding then what's the point?

 

My friend who is engaged actually complains that when she goes to her fiance's house for holidays they all ask them when the wedding is and if they have picked a date and stuff. She says that annoys them both and they hate having to say that they don't know when they are getting married.

Edited by Lauriebell82
Link to post
Share on other sites

 

My friend who is engaged actually complains that when she goes to her fiance's house for holidays they all ask them when the wedding is and if they have picked a date and stuff. She says that annoys them both and they hate having to say that they don't know when they are getting married.

 

That would make me feel like "um what are we even engaged for?" or like it was a false engagement :confused::mad:

 

This is why I'm not in a rush (I actually keep pushing my idea of when I want to get engaged back) I'm 100% committed to my SO but I'm so not ready to plan a wedding or any of that :eek:

Link to post
Share on other sites
melodymatters

Well, see, it takes all kinds ! I was married for 7 yrs in my early twenties, then had a 2 week marriage that was anulled in my late thirties, so I am NOT in a hurry to get married again, but " engagement" seems like a nice, middle ground, committed step.

 

It just seems you get more respect. When you say BF or GF, It could be all of two weeks serious. With fiance, it shows there is a depper commitment and therefore respect from others, friends and family.

 

But like I said, very subjective, and just one womans opinion

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yes, very true. I mean, I can understand if you want to solidify your committment and all to just be engaged, but if you aren't actively planning a wedding then what's the point?

 

My friend who is engaged actually complains that when she goes to her fiance's house for holidays they all ask them when the wedding is and if they have picked a date and stuff. She says that annoys them both and they hate having to say that they don't know when they are getting married.

 

I'm cynical.

 

I think those people that are engaged for a long time with no plans to marry...well, one of them wants to get married and the other is holding back...so the one that wants to get married settles for the partial commitment in order to hold on to the dream, and holds up the charade that they don't want to get married yet, but is secretly upset that no wedding plans are made...

 

And I think women who say they want to get engaged but don't need to get married for years yet, are, erm, deceiving themselves and/or their bf's. They DO want to get married sooner, but they go along with the long engagement in order to GET the engagement they might not otherwise get if they said they wanted to marry sooner.

 

 

Lovely, if you want to be engaged and get married sooner, tell your bf you were thinking about your conversation and you realized that you would actually be happier to move up the engagement/marriage timeline because you love him and are confident you want to spend the rest of your life with him.

Link to post
Share on other sites

How old are you and your bf? My bf and I have been together close to 2 1/2 years and when we first started dating within the first year we wanted to get married. But because of our age others were skeptical and wanted us to wait. We understood their concern so we are waiting. We're 20 now(well turning 21 this year) and it seems like everyone is on the same page. His family as well as mine are waiting for him to pop the question. We are seen as an indvidual (Sarah and Daniel) instead of separate. So its kinda nice, We want to get married soon, we've talked about it a lot. I am just going to play "Little Miss Patience" and wait until the time is right for him.

 

Just wait it out, I'm sure he knows that you want it sooner than later. That is if you have him trained just right. lol j/k

Link to post
Share on other sites
KenzieAbsolutely
I can't stress this enough but "all my friends are getting married/engaged" is the LAST reason to do it yourself.

 

100% AGREED. when they're all getting divorced because they made quick, bad decisions, you won't want to be one of the crowd then.

 

Not to go off topic here but what's up with women wanting to get engaged with no solid plans to marry? Isn't an engagement something you do when you are 100% ready to set the date and start planning the wedding? :confused:

 

Yes, very true. I mean, I can understand if you want to solidify your committment and all to just be engaged, but if you aren't actively planning a wedding then what's the point?

 

My friend who is engaged actually complains that when she goes to her fiance's house for holidays they all ask them when the wedding is and if they have picked a date and stuff. She says that annoys them both and they hate having to say that they don't know when they are getting married.

 

nevermind, i decided to start my own thread since i got off-track here! :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

How old are you both and at what stage of life are you?

 

For a lot of people it's important to "have all their ducks in a row" and to really know who they are as an individual before popping the question.

 

Are you done with school? Are you living on your own? Do you have a stable job? If so, I think four years is a long time to wait.

 

I dated my first bf for close to six years. I started dating him when I was 18, though, so we were never at that point where engagement was the thing-to-do. Friends of ours got engaged and married, but not us. I graduated and got a job, he was still in school with years to go to complete his undergrad and expected to get a graduate degree as well. We weren't on the same page. So I left.

 

Soon after, I started dating someone older than me who already had his graduate degree, had a good job, and had lived on his own for some time - in fact, he'd paid his own way through school. We dated for a year and four months before getting engaged.

 

At a younger age, it's appropriate to say "if we're still together in four years, let's get engaged" because there is so much room for change and growth, who knows what kind of people you will both be in four years? Will you still even be compatible?

 

When you're older, know exactly who you are, what you want, and are on your way to getting it, then why wait for four years? You're an established individual who knows who you are on your own, and you're ready to join your life with someone else's. Two years, barring long-distance issues and the like, should be enough time to figure out if you are compatible with another person and whether or not you want to spend the rest of your lives together.

 

And to reiterate what everyone else has said - you should never compare your relationship to others'! Don't get antsy because everyone else is doing it. You have to look at things objectively and make the right decision for you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...