overanalytical Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 my fiance and i got in a fight yesterday around lunch...it was after a long night of p;artying with friends, we were both tired, house had been wrecked but we were hanging out in the living room, being lazy. i got up nad his friend had spilled a drink and i started cleaning it. i got ill cause it was HIS friends who did it and he was laying on teh couch not helping. so i snapped at him...this led to a full blown fight...him basically saying he ddn't know if he wanted to be with anyone and that led to him saying we aren't sharing tgiving together...i'm just bawling at this point...he slams the door and goes to teh bedroom. doesn't come out the rest of hte day. i go to bed at 7 and don't even say anything to him. about midnight he gets up nad kisses me about 10 times on my forehead and tells me he loves me...goes to do something about 2 am he comes back to bed and hugs on me and kisses me. i act like i'm asleep. this is his way of saying he's sorry.... but i do'nt think i'm raedy to forgive him. i dont' want the fight to keep going on but i also dont' want that to ever happen again and i'm afraid if i say 'okay' i'm over it then that's leaving teh door open for it to be okay if it happens again. we're getting married in january...we have a roommate with us that isn't making things easy and he'll be here until beginning of january....money is tight and fiance still hasn't found a decent job but is getting unemployement from the company that had a major layoff. we have a lot of stresses going on right now...but i don't want to blame them, but it's evident they play a huge role in this idiotic fight. wat do i do? i'm not calling him today. if he calls i'll talk but don't knwo what to say....i'm so hurt. if we don't share tgiving together i'm ggoing to be even more hurt. i know he's going through a lot but i feel like i'm getting the brunt of it. i've been divorced before...i don't watn that to happen again. should this be a warning sign that i need to not marry him? coul this be a signal he really needs help from me and is about to hit rock bottom? it's easy to say leave him, you don't need that. i am asking for advice please...i want it to work. he is the love of my life. i don't know how i would ever fall out of love with him. Link to post Share on other sites
atlantis Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 Sounds like the fight is the small part of it. You seem more upset at your situation than some stupid fight. Forgive him. Give it a week. Then ask him for a picnic or coffee to talk about your situation, your feelings, and your goals. Don't piss and whine over a little fight that you will think is stupid in 30 days. Good luck hun. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted December 21, 2007 Share Posted December 21, 2007 The initial fight was useless, nothing that should have gotten so out of hand. I had a room mate with my fiance' before we were married too, so I know how that is. (Marriage isn't too good but that's another story) Now I know money can be stressful to the point where it makes small things seem bigger. But you need to forgive him, and he you. It's not worth fretting over, small piece of a big puzzle. There will always be arguments, as no relationship is perfect. They all need work. So there's no reason to call anything off. You have to be a team, not at each other's throats. Remind him that no matter how tough things are you're in it together and you love each other. You can work it out. Link to post Share on other sites
mylovegrowsdeeper Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 It almost appears as though you see fighting with your mate as the big bad grim reaper to your relationship. Ask yourself why that is. Think about the people you trully love in your life, your parents, siblings, best friends, etc etc. Have you not ever been annoyed with them? Had some knock-down-drag out fights with any of all of them? What was the result? While sadly, some people draw their lines in the sand over fights- mature people know that love doesn't end over a fight. If your relationship is going to end because the two of you get angry,annoyed, etc at one another than one or both of you doesn't know the true meaning of love. I don't mean to sound harsh, all I mean is- if your relationship can't stand after a fight, your foundation must be awfully shaky. As for the "I don't want to forgive him". Eeek.!!!! I can tell you right now that's an immature and hindering attitude to have. I tell you that only because I can't possibly express how much it will set you back if you continue to thrive by it. Nobody's perfect, forgiveness isn't always easy- but it is a better road than bitterness. Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 This reminds me of the movie "You, Me and Dupree". A little bit anyway. Please don't let something so small come in between you two. This is salvageable and you should be doing that. Talk to him, make him see why you were so angry that night. One more thing, his friend should have really cleaned it up himself or at least, offer his hand!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sarita12385 Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 Fights/arguemnts are inevitable in a marriage. Even when you DO get married, you'll still have fights, you have to be able to get over them tho. It's not the end of the world. Seems the spilled drink pushed you off the edge. Was there something else already building up inside of you before the fight? Link to post Share on other sites
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