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Engaged to two guys and really stressed.


floridagirliegirl

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floridagirliegirl

Help! I'm engaged to a wonderful guy that I love. He's got everything you would want in a husband, stability, good looks, job security and a love of children. Problem is I'm also in love with another guy--someone i met before I got engaged to fiance #1. My relationship with guy #2 was always platonic (we met at work)--phone calls, lunch dates and then kisses but nothing more. He never knew about guy #1 and vice-versa..I didn't have the heart to tell him I got engaged and had no idea when he took me out to dinner one night he would propose (about a week after first engagement)....I was caught off guard and accepted his proposal, also because I love him. Is it possible to be in love with two guys--how do you choose--I love both very much and don't know which one to marry. There's good in both guys...even though guy#1 is better looking than guy #2, I have a little bit stronger attraction to guy #2....Help. What do I do next?

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Citizen Erased

Wow... I would suggest you marry neither of them. You have accepted to spend the rest of your life with two different people... at the same time. You can't be that in love with ither of them if you would consider marriage to another person.

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DazedandConfused66

Introduce both of them to each other, let them know you've been more or less in love with both of them and let THEM choose which one gets you as the "prize."

 

Let us know how that meeting goes....pictures or it didn't happen. :eek:

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Well, this is a new one, even for LS. :confused: I really thought I had heard it all by now.

 

So, how long have you been managing this? Are you switching rings multiple times daily? I'm sorry but curiosity is getting the best of my supermarket tabloid loving mind.

 

I can't believe that neither has any idea that you are basically leading a double life. You must be really good at acting, or something.

 

Gee, how does one go with their heart when it's split so nearly evenly? I do believe that one can be in love with two people. I just find it hard to believe that you could manage spending enough time with both for them not to be suspicious in some way. I could never pull that off.

 

I'm stumped as far as advice. I just keep coming up with more questions.... You will have to make a choice, and quick, I guess. Somehow I'm thinking that letting down one will cause the other to find out about your duplicity.

 

I don't suppose bigamy is an option?

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Circus music started playing in my head after reading the opening post.

 

I'm guessing you don't really love the first guy. He meets your superficial needs. The second guy, meets your drama needs.

 

I hope they find out about each other. What you're doing is cruel indeed.

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floridagirliegirl

It's very stressful. I don't live with either one but I am constantly switching rings. Almost got caught after the gym last weekend when i put back one of the rings of the other fiance and went to dinner that night with the other one. Fiance #1 lives five miles away from me but with his job he's travelling Monday to Thursday on the East coast. FIance 2 works about an hour away...He has two young kids that he has every weekend, much of his weekend time is with them.

Never meant to cause anyone harm...I've never been in a serious relationship before and now I'm in two....please help me bow out gracefully.....

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Sorry, but I'm not seeing bowing out gracefully as a possibility. This is a real melodrama.

 

It is selfish of me, but I do hope you will post how this plays out.

 

Are you in the wedding planning stages with either? I'm still uncertain as to how long you have managed this charade.

 

Best of luck.

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Imagine booking two venues, churches and dates. I can't imagine how difficult this might be. Invitations needing to be sent out to hundreds, in this case, possibly a thousand guests.

 

It's pretty easy to bow out of this. You pick a guy, any guy, take off the ring belonging to one of them, and you give it back, saying "I'm sorry, I can't marry you".

 

No matter what you do, the other guy will find out that you've married someone else soon afterwards.

 

Never meaning to hurt anyone is...in essence...meaningless...because you're going to hurt someone no matter what, due to your own actions.

 

You reap what you sow.

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In my opinion, you might not be ready for a big commitment as marriage. You haven't committed to one man so you should consider what you're doing to them. You're being selfish in away because both men in your life have committed to you and you haven't committed to either. Life has a way of bringing the truth out and it would suck if it gets you off guard.

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Oh boy, I had logged off to go to bed, but while putting some food away I couldn't stop thinking about this situation.

 

TBF mentioned that one is likely to know that you married the other soon after the break. Have you considered that the dismissed one might contact the chosen one after the marriage? You would have some serious explaining to do! Especially if all the facts came out.

 

I think you have dug yourself into a hole that cannot be dug out of, so to speak. Mr. gone all week might not follow local news as much, so maybe he wouldn't figure it out if you don't choose him. Mr. kids in tow every weekend really doesn't need a temporary wife, assuming he finds out. there are children at stake!

 

You're situation is hopeless. I do not see a good outcome no matter who you choose.

 

Maybe starting from scratch and being honest is the best choice. Give back both rings and rebuild some dignity.

 

Gosh, I really hate not being able to find a silver cloud; a rosy solution.

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You don't sound like you are mature enough for marriage at al right nowl so I suggest you don't marry either one. There is no nice way to end it but call up both of them, break off the engagements and apologize profusely for getting them involved in this situation.

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It's very stressful. I don't live with either one but I am constantly switching rings. Almost got caught after the gym last weekend when i put back one of the rings of the other fiance and went to dinner that night with the other one. Fiance #1 lives five miles away from me but with his job he's travelling Monday to Thursday on the East coast. FIance 2 works about an hour away...He has two young kids that he has every weekend, much of his weekend time is with them.

Never meant to cause anyone harm...I've never been in a serious relationship before and now I'm in two....please help me bow out gracefully.....

 

 

Are you for real? You don't deserve either of these guys because you are ACTIVELY deceiving them.

 

Fortunately for them, this is the kind of situation that they will HAVE to find out about sooner or later, and your game will be up.

 

 

There are millions of women out there that would kill for ONE engagement ring, and now you are whining on here because you are stupid enough to accept TWO?

 

Incidentally, what do your family think about this?

 

Introduce both of them to each other, let them know you've been more or less in love with both of them and let THEM choose which one gets you as the "prize."

 

Let us know how that meeting goes....pictures or it didn't happen. :eek:

 

LOL. I liked BESs post about marrying two people being illegal too.

 

really floridagirl, what were you thinking.

 

The answer is simple- you have to end it with one, or you risk losing both.

The likelihood of it working out with one after this kind of deception is slim, as i don't think you are ready for a commitment such as marriage if you are dithering around this much, and it certainly would seem that you aren't in love with either guy enough.

 

However, you could turn this around.

 

Put their names on pieces of paper, and stick them to the wall. Blindfold yourself, throw a dart at the wall, and the nearest mans name to where the dart lands wins.

 

Give the corresponding ring back to the unsuccessful man, break up with him, get married to the other one, and live happily ever after...:)

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You know, I had sympathy for you until you described how you're constantly switching rings and almost screwed up one day.

 

This is the height of selfishness - you are now actively deceiving two men, as someone else said. It is one thing to be caught in a surprised moment and find yourself saying 'yes' to a second proposal. It is quite another to let the problem fester by not taking immediate steps to halt the damage.

 

You are now in a position of having to lie more and more to cover your tracks. Your web of deception is only going to get more complicated, and my guess is that the anger and resentment you are going to face when those two men eventually find out about the other will probably shock you.

 

Have these men met your family and friends? How is it that none of your family & friends have slipped and mentioned the other guy? Who have you told about your engagements (!), and what has their reaction been? What's going to happen when people start wanting to throw you engagement parties? Are you going to invite your same peeps to both? :confused:

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Wow... I would suggest you marry neither of them. You have accepted to spend the rest of your life with two different people... at the same time. You can't be that in love with ither of them if you would consider marriage to another person.

 

 

I concur.

 

I find it disturbing she would be emotionally involved with two men and yet accept a marriage proposal from either.

 

Major red flags here.

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WOW... maybe you should move where they have several spouses... (mormon community) then you can marry both... :laugh:

 

what a situation!!!! I don't know what kind of advices people can give you... YOU are the one who have to choose... and IMO YOU are the best person to know which one is best for you...

 

I'm sure you love one more than the other... you can't love them both equally...

 

Keep us informed.... ;)

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Whether this is a troll or not, it brings up some pertinent questions:

  • How deceitful are you willing to be, to make yourself happy?
  • Do you care that your happiness is at the expense of others?
  • Do you know what love really is?
  • Are you adult enough to accept responsibility for your personal actions?
  • Do you know how to care about anyone else besides yourself?

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WOW... maybe you should move where they have several spouses... (mormon community) then you can marry both... :laugh:

 

 

Hmm... I thought that men were the only ones who could marry more than one woman...

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Circus music started playing in my head after reading the opening post.

 

Now THAT was funny, sadly enough.

 

I'm guessing you don't really love the first guy. He meets your superficial needs. The second guy, meets your drama needs.

 

I hope they find out about each other. What you're doing is cruel indeed.

 

No kidding. I feel sorry for both of them.

 

OP, leave both of these guys alone. A little introspection is in order before you become engaged to anyone.

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Hmm... I thought that men were the only ones who could marry more than one woman...

Polygamy covers both men and women. If you want to drill down into specific terms, polygyny is one man, multiple wives and polyandry is one woman, multiple husbands.

 

Polygamy (in Canada or the US) is either considered illegal or the benefits of being married are not legally recognized, such as tax breaks, etc., depending on jurisdiction.

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Now THAT was funny, sadly enough.

It really did and yes, I am that twisted.

 

No kidding. I feel sorry for both of them.

 

OP, leave both of these guys alone. A little introspection is in order before you become engaged to anyone.

Agreed, particularly the last sentence. Look into yourself and see if you have enough to give anyone. If not, best to fix it.

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Introduce both of them to each other, let them know you've been more or less in love with both of them and let THEM choose which one gets you as the "prize."

 

Let us know how that meeting goes....pictures or it didn't happen. :eek:

 

 

That's one way to do it. Hell you can even get them a pair of those dueling revolvers they used in the ole days. Post a link to YouTube recording all the gory details. Take the one that wins and take part in our excellent prison systems conjugal visits. I'm just joking; I think conjugal visits are a myth anyways.

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