Shandy Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 Hi everyone, I've been dating this guy for almost 10 years now and he's still not sure about marrying me. He said several years ago he was sure but now he finds all these faults with me that he cannot handle. He still talks like we are going to be together for the long term. Buying a house, having kids, etc etc. Honestly I'm not so sure about him either. He's very selfish and has a bad temper. The thing is I've been telling him to change all these years that now he feels he won't change for me anymore. He just wants me to change the things he doesn't like about me. THEN he will feel like he can marry me. Should I leave him? He's my first boyfriend so I have a very strong emotional attachment to him. Last week when he thought I was going to break up with him again, he didn't sleep the whole night but in the morning said he feels mentally ready for the break up. When I didn't go through with it he said he feels relieved. Please advise. In your experience or from people you know, do people that have been together for this long actually end up getting married? Or do they mostly break up? Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 mostly break up, sorry. On the bright side, marrying your first BF almost always leads to ONE of you being dissatisfied and leaving AFTER the marriage the kids and house which is way worse. Maybe take a break, both of you date others, and then you'll either appreciate each other more, or feel like you dodged a bullet !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 Well its up to you to take control back of your life. If you want marriage and he doesn't then time to make a decision instead of leaving it up to him. Link to post Share on other sites
BeachBlonde Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 I've been dating this guy for almost 10 years now and he's still not sure about marrying me. He said several years ago he was sure but now he finds all these faults with me that he cannot handle. Red flag. Honestly I'm not so sure about him either. He's very selfish and has a bad temper. The thing is I've been telling him to change all these years that now he feels he won't change for me anymore. He just wants me to change the things he doesn't like about me. THEN he will feel like he can marry me. Neither of you can really change each other. Why would you want to marry someone who says he can't be with you forever until you "change" things about you that annoy him? Should I leave him? He's my first boyfriend so I have a very strong emotional attachment to him. Last week when he thought I was going to break up with him again, he didn't sleep the whole night but in the morning said he feels mentally ready for the break up. When I didn't go through with it he said he feels relieved.. Yes, I think you should end this relationship. The fact that he hasn't married you after TEN years and is saying that you need to change things he doesn't like about you, is a huge red flag. And he said he feels mentally ready to break-up with you? Sorry, but that doesn't sound like something a guy would say when he's ready to be married. Leave him before he leaves you. Link to post Share on other sites
bridget_jones Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 How old are you? I wouldn't marry a guy with a temper. He's a JERK. Break up. And don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shandy Posted April 13, 2007 Author Share Posted April 13, 2007 I'm 27. I started dating him when I was 17. We've been through a lot together, that's why I'm not sure if I am mentally capable of leaving him even if it's the logical thing to do. He does have many qualities I look for in a man. He's funny, comfortable, loyal, doesn't look at porn, and all that good stuff. But at the same time, he's more of the taker in the relationship whereas I'm more of a giver. These days I feel very unappreciated. He keeps expecting me to do things for him and when I refuse, he gets mad. Another reason I'm afraid to leave is because, if I were to leave him and get a new boyfriend, part of me will always think of him because I've been with him for so long. Your first love is always the most pure, and later on when I get a new guy, I'm afraid I won't devote my heart 100% to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 I think that's an urban myth, that your first love is your 'purest' love. Many times, when we start dating we have no idea what true love is. We meet someone and are attracted to them for a multitude of reasons, but true love comes with time and patience. After ten years, I think you have your answer already; he doesn't love you enough to accept you for who you are, warts and all. I'd move on. Yes, it will be difficult....but you are still young and the love of your life may be out there waiting for you. WHy spend your life with someone who doesn't think you're the best thing since sliced bread? Take your life back and move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 What makes you think that another relationship will be better than the one you have? Many marriages don't last 10 years. Your pretty much married without the ring. I would call you a common in law wife after so much time with him. Once you start going from relationship to relationship, you'll lose your trust and all you will have is heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
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