debt and marriage

[CaterpillarGirl]

I've heard a lot of folks here on LS talk about finances and how this relates to a relationship. I guess I'm just looking for some perspective. If you were planning on marrying, what kind of debt/financial situation would be acceptable to you?

 

Do you have a number, like $5000? Does the type of debt play into this: credit card/revolving credit, student loans, car loans, mortgage, etc.? What about assets like houses,stock,IRAs? People say to discuss these things, but I'm not sure what they consider as acceptable. Just wanted your opinion!

 

[bab]

It's going to vary from person to person, but the big thing is, RESPONSIBILITY. Showing that you are a financially responsible person. For me this means little to no credit card debt and not having more than they can easily handle in monthly debt.

 

For me, anything over a $300 monthly payment for a car isn't reasonable. For others this might not be a big deal. If you've got kids and need a minivan for instance.

 

A mortgage is a tricky thing. Generally to get a mortgage one has to show some amount of financial responsibility. On the other hand, I wouldn't want marry someone who had to stress about how they were going to pay the mortgage every month. And if it was a huge house that they didn't need, that could be a deal breaker for me. I do like having nice things, but I'm not a keeping up with the Jones's to personal detrement type of person and couldn't handle being with someone who was. (See car payment section)

 

Student loans, as long as we can handle paying them are fine by me. I value education, and education is something that can't be repossessed.

 

As far as stocks and IRA's, as long as there is a retirement savings plan, it will work with me. I don't need them to have extra stocks for financial gain outside of retirement. A retirement plan is a must though. It will depend on your goals as a couple to determine who has how much withheld from their checks, but this isn't optional in my opinion.

[nancyleeh]

I'm sure lots are not going to like this answer but I think no past debt except a car payment and a morgage if you are buying a home and only if you can afford those two bills. Even weddings bills should be paid off in advance. It's hard enough to begin life as a married couple yet less have lots of debt to struggle with.

 

nancyleeh

[silentalways]

my 2 cents

 

if u love someone and plan on getting married - u work together to solve 'all debts' - i think 'teamwork' is the answer. just have a plan that works for both of u and never let money get in the way of love.

[arwen2117]

Debt in the United States has become a part of everyday life. Some debt is good, some debt is bad. You need to decide for yourself, if you are willing to accept some of the responsibility of the debt. From a legal prespective, if you live in a community property state (like I do), then any debt or assets acquired prior to marriage are considered your sole and separate property. So even if your SO has huge debt, the bill collectors can't come after your separate assets for payment.

 

Personally, student loans and things of that nature are okay. As is a certain amount of credit card. I'm young and I just kind of expect it. But if some has about 5 figures worth of credit debt and is doing nothing to pay them down, then I have a problem. But regardless of how you feel, it is something you are your SO should discuss before he or she ever places a ring on your finger.

[jerbear]

debt is relative, there is no set number for an acceptable debt amount.

 

A five digit debt figure is nothing to someone with a 7 digit positive networth.

 

It comes down to the person to how comfortable and responsible they are with their money. Do they have a budget, a plan, a contingency etc... that gives you confidence in their ability.

 

In a relationship there are some spenders and savers, it depends on you and your SO's personality.

[a4a]

The ideal is to have your monthly debt that is equal or below 1/4 of your monthly income. That would include mort. C cards, car, insurance, utilities, loans. Not including entertainment, or things like clothing.

 

If you are combining incomes it will take down your debt to income.

 

First rule is to pay yourself IMHO. You need to save money. At least 10% of your income needs to be paid to savings right off the bat.

 

Don't rent a apt or home unless you have no choice but to.

 

Hash out a plan now with the SO. Awesome that you are bringing this to the table!!!!

[CaterpillarGirl]

Thank you all for your perspectives. I always wanted to be debt-free before getting married, but after 10 years in college (undergrad and grad), I've acquired a lot of student loan debt. I don't owe anything else, and I have some savings/retirement. I just wondered how people feel about debt in general, and whether people discuss this sort of thing (hopefully they do!) before they get married. You really helped me think about this more clearly.

[IpAncA]

O yes it's good that your talking about it now and not after you get married. Very smart

 

In regards to debt the only thing that "I" have is my college loans and I pay for those myself.

 

I won't go into all the stuff that we pay on but we use a accelerator margin.

 

In terms of savings and such I have of course the s.s. and then I have an additional one (so does H) that the government can't touch. It just keeps building and building and when we retire, it will be there. We also have a financial advisor that helps us out too.

 

And yes thats good advice a4a about not renting. OWN YOUR OWN PLACE!!! You can't make anything off your apartment or house if you don't own it. That was one of the first things we did. We went and bought a house.

 

I think as long as you both have a plan and it works for you and you

stick to it then you should be fine. But likes others have said, it varies from person to person.

 

Good Luck! :D