EVERYONE that you are sexually compelled to (i.e. turned on by) is an AI reflection.
If there is no natural attraction at all, there will never be any sexual compulsion. This is because they are on the same side of the wheel as you: i.e. you and they are too much the same polarity "type" and therefore have nothing to ignite the polarity of compulsion. There will never be any sexual compulsion.
You will not have sex with ALL of the people who reflect back your AI - that you are sexually compelled to. You will, however, require an integration on some level and this will be accomplished by the nature of the dynamic between you.
EVERYONE you feel sexual compulsion toward are AI reflections, or, what I've come to call the AI Muse. These people reflect back to you various layers of that ultimate AI balance which is manifested as a specific issue that will motivate or inspire you to integrate. The "perceptions" that are attributed to the AI Muse will always represent some, but not ALL, of your AI "criteria". I call them "Muses" because these individuals will always inspire and motivate you on some level to better yourself or your circumstance.
ALL AI MUSES ARE, BY THEIR VERY NATURE, FIXED TIES.
This means that they are among the "lotta frogs" category, and will not progress and evolve with you as you progress and evolve. This means that ALL AI Muse ties will end. These are your short term relationships, ONS, flings, platonic **** buddy deals, etc. And they can be family members. These ties are ONLY for the purpose of integrating certain qualities of your AI that you need in your life at that time. Some AI Muses will be around awhile, others will be very short term but all will provide limited and various reflections of your AI Counterpart, and the relationships with them will ALWAYS end, even if you're related by blood.
AI BEACONS are "The Ones" that - at first glance - seem put here for the sole, entire purpose of ****ing your head and heart completely up! You cannot read them, you do not know where they're 'coming from', you are completely thrown for a loop, you are sexually compelled to them against all that is logical and sane. Your physical attraction to them is so profound that you know no mere mortal creature can ever make you feel that excruciatingly aroused off sight alone, your fantasies of the AI Beacon are more powerful than any you ever have for anyone else.
You are absolutely petrified to even "just say hi". You get immediately confused at "the scene" between you. In fact, any dealing with the AI Beacon is like living in sudden darkness and confusion. Some girl you think is hot can say, "I'm going to get a drink" and you know that's what she means. The AI Beacon can say "I'm going to get a drink" and suddenly it's all a big cryptic enigma...is he/she really? Did he/she mean that, was that a hint? A blow off? "What does it all mean?" is the theme with the AI Beacon.
Further, when it comes to the AI Beacons, you will feel like you are living two separate lives...the "real" one where you have all your "real life" regular relationships, and the one where no one else exists but the AI Beacon, always elusive and just out of reach - the one that forever seems like it was all "just a fantasy." That should be a glaring AI token there, by the way.
The AI Beacons are BAIT. In the presence of the AI Beacon, we feel flawed and exposed. It feels no different than if someone stripped you of your clothes and tossed your ugly naked ass out onto a stage for everyone to mock and ridicule - and the AI Beacon has front row center. They can see inside you, thru you, out the other side of you. You are COMPLETELY SELF CONSCIOUS in their presence. This means: CONSCIOUS OF YOUR *SELF*...and this is the point behind your meeting the AI Beacons. The reason the AI Beacons affect you so powerfully is because they are the exact manifestation of The One you always thought was just a fantasy. Which is precisely WHY it always feels like one. You're tuning in to the reality of your Counterpart. The dance with the AI Beacons is always progressive.
Because of their profound grip on your entire being, all interactions with them, no matter how slight and mundane will be nothing short of transformative. I use the term BAIT here because it's this powerful AI manifestation that is responsible for pulling you kicking and screaming thru these Actualization stages, inspiring you, motivating you to become even better, stronger, faster, optimum - so that you can (you misperceive) be "enough" for them...to strive for that "equality" you misperceive as not there and you've got the short end of the perfection stick. That degree of self consciousness is mind bogglingly acute. If you've encountered your AI Beacon at all, then you understand this and then some. If not, you will.
You will only meet 2 AI Beacons, one for each stage of the root Actualization process, and in some cases, there will be an "intermediary Beacon" which we'll discuss shortly...and rest assured, you will never, ever forget them. The Beacons are - we feel - the embodiment of absolute perfection. NOTHING is wrong with them. They reflect back to you the entire spectrum of your Ideal Counterpart. They're so beautiful and smart they seem to just see right thru your "hellos" and will know that the only reason you're even saying hi is because you want to talk to them...and somehow, somewhere, this actually feels like a "bad thing" when it's a "duh, moron" thing. They can't really, but this is always the (mis-) perception of the AI Beacon. This is what that rawness of exposure feels like.
The more perfect you perceive them to be, the more acute is the awareness of all of your flaws by contrast, as well as your readily handy little list of every reason under the sun they would, could never possibly want you. And, the more tolerant you suddenly become of anything they do. What would send you packing from a lesser tie, you are compelled to choke down and tolerate from the AI Beacon. The phrase "halo effect" is completely understood when dealing with the AI Beacon.
They can do no wrong. And you can do no right.
Two things happen when in the presence of the AI Beacon.
1. You are so intimidated, self conscious and overwhelmend by the reality check that you BAIL. You block yourself, put up pretenses as tho you could care less if she is there or not, trying to "broadcast" as subtly as possible that he/she is no different to you than that homely chick or average joe at the grocery store you were talking to about baseball. You will do everything in your power to prevent the AI Beacon from ever knowing he/she affects you at all...that for some unimaginable reason known only to God - or the Great God Prankster - when it comes to him/her, you are suddenly rendered a powerless, empty, blathering fool.
You are so powerfully compelled to him/her that you're just about ready to sell your soul for him/her to notice you even 5 minutes, but at the same time you are petrified of getting too close because to you, him/her noticing you means he/she sees how ****ed up you are and invalidates your entire existence. In fact, it doesn't make a shred of difference how confident and on the ball you are "in your other life" with anybody else, in the presence of the AI Beacons, you're suddenly and inexplicably nervous, insecure, intimidated and wrapped - whatever confidence you always thought you had goes out the window.
WHEN you bail, and you will, you run away.
The AI Beacon will expose every flaw you ever had, and plenty of new ones you never knew you had. This relationship dynamic is so profound an exposure of your Self, that you could have a little tiny scar on your ass from when your brother shot you with a pellet gun when you were 7, that very well would suddenly manage to convince you it is the only "real" reason under the sun the Beacon would find you so completely repulsive it's inevitable he or she'll reject you.
The Beacon is perfection incarnate, the Beacon can get whomever she pleases and you'll never really be that worthy. This, of course, only makes you push harder with the Muse as some sort of bizarre inner entanglement that will help force it into your head that yes, you are that worthy. Or, at least you're workin' on it pretty hard.
The AI Beacon relationships are just that brutal of a catalyst for Self Awareness. The AI Beacons will yank out all your fears and beat you in the head with them. You can run, but you'll never escape them or the AI Beacon.
You KNOW you don't want this girl/guy you're with, you KNOW he'll/she'll never do it for you on a long term basis, he's/she's great, he's/she's fun, he's/she's cute...but he's/she's NOT ?HIMHER. And he/she never will be. He/She is the one that you use to present to the world that you really are a normal person and unaffected by the AI Beacon. "See? I can get anyone!" Is the theme for the Bail Out Muse - only the statment is one of proof of arguement than confident statement of fact. Further, once you have encountered the first AI Beacon, and from then on to the last AI Beacon, and then on to the Counterpart encounter, you will become immediately conscious that all the Muse ties in between are going to be fixed, and that you are now aware your search is for The One.
THRU him/her, however, will be - if you pay even the remotest bit of attention to your life - a stark parallel between the AI Muse predicament and that with the AI Beacon. Usually it'll play out in circumstance. ALL the **** that made you run, that got you wigging out in the AI Beacon relationship plays out - almost benevolently - in the tie with the AI Muse parallel...so you can see, by contrast and comparison, your fears for what they are.
I call this Integration By Proxy. You're still doin the dance and it's still motivated by the AI Beacon, but you need to temper down your anxieties so you can see what's happening. The AI Muse parallels are people you should honor above all others because it's always with them you gotta hang out your laundry and baggage. You owe it to them to do right by them. Respect them. Whoever they are.
The other thing that happens with the AI Beacon is,
2. You don't bail. Instead, you manage to maneuver into his/her world, and then, because you are so consumed by his/her effect on you, all you perceive him/her to be, and all the flaws you suddenly feel are exposed and flashing like a neon sign on your forehead, you basically end up feeding him/her a really ****ed up version of who you actually are. You're defensive, insecure, hollow...you are not being yourself, nothing about your union is natural and he's/she's not meeting the real you because you're scared to death that if he/she knows the real you, it's an automatic Rejection Slip...even when away from him/her, you know you're still a pretty cool person and he'd/she'd really like you if he/she got to know you. But he/she doesn't try and you are mystified as to why she won't. You have no idea that YOU are standing in your own way.
To your horror, the actual AI Beacon tie lasts a few days, maybe a couple weeks the initial encounter - even if ya have sex - and then suddenly disintegrates. The reason this happens is because, since you're so ****ed up in the head as it is and cannot locate your box of objectivity, you will inevitably mis-read or mis-perceive a subtle event between you - he/she might look at you a certain way and you immediately - because you're operating from the "flaws", assume he/she doesn't like you so say or do something that you probably really shouldn't have said or done.
In short, you'll throw a wrench into the dynamic and then blame him/her (ever so delicately, that is) for "not" getting to know you. The actual mundane interactions with the AI Beacons are almost always so simplistic and uneventful in and of themselves anyone else would certainly look at you and shake their heads that you've lost it. They can't see what's the big deal, you just "had coffee" or you only "went out twice". The purpose, remember, is your own integration so the fires will always be internal and intense.
Whether you bail before you ever actually meet the AI Beacon face to face, or bail after some misperceived interaction - it is absolutely inevitable that you WILL bail. The difference lies only in your level of genuine confidence and self assurance that you possess when that time comes.
Rest easy. The dance with the AI Beacons is progressive and long term. The reason it is long term lies in the fact that your perceptions and fears of the AI Beacons are so great that you cannot possibly dissolve the Veil to the truth in a short term connection. When you bail, the Dance with the AI Beacon hits "The Lapse" period, which is basically the length of time it takes for you to temper down, pull your head out your ass and work thru the AI "phobia".
You may bail for a year, maybe a couple years, and may even do something really ****ed up like marry someone else, but inevitably you will encouner him/her again - same woman. He's/She's like some magical being that appears from nowhere - you'll swear this was Divine Intervention ergo he/she must be "The One" - and overturns your life all over again and makes you question everything you've done. And this will continue to happen until you and she dance one on one. Until you can get thru the process.
TAG... Your'e it... you're the beacon bro
Originally posted by Ray22
Maybe you can help me with this girl.
I like her a lot, and i know she likes me but she just pushed me away.
Now she won`t talk to me. well she needs time i guess but i`m not sure.
Everything was going pretty good i thought. I met her a few months ago and at first we didn`t talk much, only when i saw her at work or around. Then one day she comes up to me and we talk for almost an hour. after that we started talking on the phone and hanging out. She even came over to my house a couple of times but nonthing happened. We just watched some movies. We would flirt all the time and she would joke about doing more but she laughed about it. She used to tease me alot too.
Then she started acting different. she would not call me back like she used to and when she did she didn`t talk long. She started acting nervous and shy around me. When we first met i was the shy and nervous one. Then when i got really comfortable around her , she started acting that way.
I thought it was because she was starting to like me more because i know i was starting too really fall for her. So i told her how i felt one night, i was at her place and she got all quiet on me. she was really nervous it seems. I didn`t know what to do so i tried to change the subject but she just wouldn`t talk much after that, so i went home.
Next time i saw her she wouldn`t talk to me much, she was at work though. I called her later and she said she didn`t want to talk to me right now. I haven`t heard from her since. I`m starting to worry now because i was thinking she needed time but it`s been over 2 weeks.
What do you think i should do?