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Do I have chance with her or she is just being friendly?


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 21st January 2018, 7:03 PM   #1
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Question What is going on?

I met a girl in the holidays. We danced, hugged, hold hands, drank, enjoyed the party together. The asked for my Facebook. The next day I added her, I started a conversation. We chatter for some minutes, I made a joke, but she took it very personally. I don't know why and it didn't make any sense. I said It was a joke and she says ok. We chatted for 1-2 minutes then she stopped texting. Days past, nothing. Then I went out with my friend to play some pool, we talked about the holidays, also I told him about her that we had a great time together.

Drama starts here: My "friend" (call him Bob) spread the news that she was hitting on me like a slut. In 2 days, this got to the girl. She texted to my other friend (not me, my friend) who was a friend of her too. That time we was on skype with him and my other 3 friends. He asked me about this and I laughed. I told him that I don't know anything about this. This turned out that Bob was in love with her and he spread this bull**** behind my back.

So my friend on skype told me to start chatting with her, I asked why. She was the one who had these problems. They sayd "Just write to her because she won't". I got enough of this. I wrote to her "What's up?" and she started complaining. After she finished, I sayd okay, changed the topic. I asked her if she would be in a party x y. She asked about the party and what will I do. I sayd I'll have some fun. She sayd "I can't be bribed that easily" with flirty emoji. I sayd "We'll see about that". She texted me back a smile. Still no more texts.

Also we met in a party last Friday. She didn't even look at me and it seemed that she is avoiding me. I don't want anything from her. I just want to find some friends, because I'll go to university in September and I don't need any serious relationships right now. She is a cool girl, we have the same interests in a lot of things. I just want to be friends with her. What should I do? I'm so confused right now.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 30th January 2018 at 1:32 PM.. Reason: Add paragraphs, merge threads and update title
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Old 22nd January 2018, 2:00 AM   #2
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Why did you laugh when you were on Skype and found out Bob was spreading untrue rumors about her? Was she on the Skype call too?

Did you ever tell her that you never told Bob that she was behaving like a slut?

If you want friendship or to date her, you have to let her know that you had nothing to do with Bob spreading rumors about her and that you don’t think those rumors about her are funny. She may not believe you or forgive you, so there may not be anything you can do about this.
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Old 22nd January 2018, 8:32 AM   #3
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-I laughed because I didn't take it seriously. This is the 4th time I met with drama like this. One of my solution was to "fix the problem" but it failed 2 times. I realized it can't be fixed and I ended up loosing the girls. After those I changed my mind to not to take it personally. I just laugh over it like it is nothing.

-She wasn't on skype. Me and my other 4 friends were on skype. She was texting with one of them.

-Yes, I told her that I didn't say this. I also told her about what really happened which was:
Bob: How was your holiday?
Me: I enjoyed it very much also I met a cool girl
Bob: Who?
Me: x y, We had a great time together, we danced, drank, hugged

-This time Bob was playing "innocent", he even lied that he didn't know her. The girl sayd, she blocked him, because he was very needy and desperate. She tried to tell him to back off through 3 of his friend.

This was her complaining, say sayd after those "I already know this guy, he is a retard. Also it's nothing, I didn't expect other behaviour from him" and than she sent some laughing smiles. Then the story continues as I sayd "Okay" and I changed the topic.

Was it really nothing for her? She seems like it was a big deal. Also I don't want to apologize because these rumors isn't true. It's like apologizing for a thing what u didn't do.
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Old 22nd January 2018, 8:38 AM   #4
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If you want to be friends with somebody you act like a friend. At a minimum that means sticking up for them when somebody else spreads lies about them. You just laughed & thought it was a joke that somebody else was calling her a slut. You never corrected the record. As the great parliamentarian Edmund Burke said, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”. So you are part of the problem.

Second, the night you met this girl you were hugging, dancing & holding hands. All of that is flirtatious behavior. Now you say you want to be friends (platonic). The girl may have wanted a romance. Since you don't she needs to protect herself by staying away from the guy who rejected her.
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Old 22nd January 2018, 9:10 AM   #5
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So what would be the best thing to do? Call Bob out? It's seems so similar to my "fix the problem" attempts where I got into the problem by talking to them. I ended up loosing my friend and the girl.

I have to say that I'm not looking for serious relationships right now because it would be a very bad decision. As I sayd I'll go to University in September far away from this city and I could only get back home after 2-3 weeks maybe a month. So it wouldn't work out and I end up breaking her heart and appear as leading her on like a jerk. I rather be a nice guy than a jerk.

I'm just looking for "friends with benefits" or long term friendships, but I end up flirting with these girls and they come to me also. In November I had a situation like this. We had the same interests in a lot of things, we enjoyed being together but when I sayd that I don't want to be more than just friends, she sayd "Okay". We hung out a bit more, but than once sayd that "It was nice to meet you, we had a great time together. Good luck in the future". Then she stopped communicating with me.
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Old 22nd January 2018, 9:12 AM   #6
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How do I just be friends with them? Is it even possible without getting them attracted to me?
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Old 22nd January 2018, 9:19 AM   #7
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You don't call out Bob after the fact. You disagree with him when he lies. When he said she was coming onto you like a slut right then & there you should have said "Bob, she was just being flirty, not slutty. You're just jealous because she was flirting with me not you." You didn't have to go farther than that.

You can flirt with girls & you can only be down for a FWB because you don't want to start anything before you leave for college in the fall. What you can't do (but what you are doing) is give the girl the impression that you want a GF when you only want a ONS. Somewhere in an early conversation simply work in the fact that you have no intention of being tied down before you leave for school & you are enjoying the single life.
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Old 22nd January 2018, 4:50 PM   #8
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Thanks for the advices.

With Bob I chose to not bring this drama back.

I'll try your advice with girls and see how it goes. With that girl I'll try to have some fun if she is willing to join. But right now she is completly ignoring me and I don't really want to start conversation with her.

Maybe she is just protecting herself as u said. She might even know my intentions that I don't want a long term relationship. I'm curious to figure it out.
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Old 30th January 2018, 1:28 PM   #9
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Do I have chance with her or she is just being friendly?

[]

So I met her again. I went to a club with her, also my friend and my friend's girlfriend were there too. My friend invited me and her too. At the train station I shaked hands with him. With the girls, I hugged and she was the last one. While travelling we joked a lot, laughed a lot. She sat next to me on the train.

Sometimes I looked her when she was talking. I never catched her eyes on me. Also the way she sat, her bodylanguage was like pulling away from me. We drank too. In the club we danced in a group of 4. She was on my left side. I touched her shoulder to grab her attention and I gave my hand to her for a dance (without any talk). She rejected and I was like "okay, nothing happened".

We danced a bit more than the dj started playing crap music so I left and I noticed a girl at my age who was very bored at a table alone. I approached her, we had some small childish talks. We laughed a lot then I saw my friends comming to me with very bored faces. For a minute I left the girl at the table alone then I turned back and she was talking to another guy. I went there and sayd "It was nice to meet you and I left". The night continued with jokes, fun conversations with my friends outside. All the night I didn't notice her eye contact with me. My friend's girlfriend and I enjoyed it, got a drunk a bit too with her

When we were at home town. I waved them and I left.

I wrote this whole story down because I think the reason why she is doing this lies in the details.
My question is: Is she shy OR nervous OR uninterested?

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 30th January 2018 at 1:33 PM.. Reason: Paragraphs and merge threads
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Old 30th January 2018, 1:38 PM   #10
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Also I forgot to say that there was a photographer. I got his attention and he came to use to take a photo. He took it and I, my friend and his girlfriend was only in it. The other girl was behind the photographer.
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Old 30th January 2018, 1:48 PM   #11
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The girl is not interested in you. Be friendly & polite but drop it.
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Old 30th January 2018, 1:56 PM   #12
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Okay, thanks.
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