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"shoulder massage"


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 29th January 2018, 5:25 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
It's overly friendly & too much touching for a work setting. I have no problem with such interactions outside work. In my office, just no.

they werent in the office i believe donnivain...deb
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Old 29th January 2018, 5:41 PM   #17
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yes, i actually have a crush on him. I also used to think he felt the same way about me too but he is running hot and cold towards me. But mind you we just met 3 months ago and we don't really see or communicate with each other everyday. Maybe he is still being cautious...? I was quite surprised because I didn't expect it from him, he used to keep his distance from me.
Nope, he was only touchy-feely with me. right after that lunch i noticed that he became more comfortable around me. He even commented on my pic in social media that night. that was the first time he commented ever since he followed me months ago.
I do believe he likes you gathered from what you have written....maybe the shoulder massage was inappropriate and for some if they weren't attracted might find it creepy....but the fact remains you like the guy.....you are after advice whether he likes you or not so yes i think he does....i dont feel it will be too long before he makes a move anyway....as i posted earlier its a pretty bold move....personally i would find it awkward....i wouldnt see it as sexual harassment but inappropriate.I would talk to the guy in private.....Maybe the reason why he did it publicly in front of everyone is to avoid such a label of harassment...seems its all the rage lately....he looked at me too long, he touched my shoulder, he told an inappropriate joke....i feel that its become a case of women heading straight for the sexual harrassment line instead of facing off and saying back off buster or ill do something about it.like i will chop your hand off or ILL chemically castrate you....always said in private of course sweetly and gently....like only a woman can..softeness is not weakness........most guys would back off....well they have with me....they belevee me i think....i wouldnt do it....well...:0)

you enjoyed his attention?...dont worry i feel he will make a move .....he isnt afraid....or seeming to be stand offish..make sure the guy is single before entertaining getting closer to him..........i wish you well.....deb.....


....

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Old 29th January 2018, 6:07 PM   #18
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What he did was totally inappropriate. His goal was likely more to show off in front of the others at the table than to be nice to you. It was very disrespectful and made you look like an idiot for enjoying it. Sorry, but you need to recognize blatant disrespect when you see it. He just put his hands on you in front of your business colleagues. Gross.
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Old 29th January 2018, 7:02 PM   #19
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they werent in the office i believe donnivain...deb

Still she was with work colleagues at LUNCH so I assumed this was during the work day. At a party or something, maybe this might be OK but in that setting it was not.


In this environment because too many people don't where the lines are you are better off never touching a work colleague.
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Old 29th January 2018, 9:55 PM   #20
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They were with work colleagues. Doesn't matter where. He was marking his territory just to show off and make them think he was a stud.
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Old 29th January 2018, 11:00 PM   #21
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I hope I'm not thread-jacking, but I hope someone can explain to me why the shoulder massage is such a big deal. I don't give them to women at work myself, so I haven't experienced any reactions firsthand. However, I've received shoulder massages in the office from well over a dozen women over the years... Almost always before they ask for an IT-related favor, usually new equipment.
This was not an appropriate situation simply because there is expected social etiquette at business lunches that this went against. How any business interacts behind closed doors is different than it's public front as formality is a natural spectrum; they're two separate dots on a long line. At least that's how most people look at it.
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Old 29th January 2018, 11:55 PM   #22
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This was not an appropriate situation simply because there is expected social etiquette at business lunches that this went against. How any business interacts behind closed doors is different than it's public front as formality is a natural spectrum; they're two separate dots on a long line. At least that's how most people look at it.
This makes a lot of sense. I hadn't considered the public location vs. the inside the office location.
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Old 30th January 2018, 12:56 AM   #23
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Still she was with work colleagues at LUNCH so I assumed this was during the work day. At a party or something, maybe this might be OK but in that setting it was not.


In this environment because too many people don't where the lines are you are better off never touching a work colleague.

she was also with friends as well as work colleagues he engaged in small talk with the group as well as another group so im guessing the setting was actually not a formal one.....and they were also friends of his....

the question asked by op was not about the appropriateness of this guys actions but if the guy she has a crush on liked her or not and what the shoulder massage meant....or that is what i believe op wants to know....if the guy likes her or not....our judgment on the appropriateness or what th eguy should have done or not done.... doesnt really address the question that op asked.......deb
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Old 30th January 2018, 11:39 AM   #24
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she was also with friends as well as work colleagues he engaged in small talk with the group as well as another group so im guessing the setting was actually not a formal one.....and they were also friends of his....

the question asked by op was not about the appropriateness of this guys actions but if the guy she has a crush on liked her or not and what the shoulder massage meant....or that is what i believe op wants to know....if the guy likes her or not....our judgment on the appropriateness or what th eguy should have done or not done.... doesnt really address the question that op asked.......deb
I disagree. The setting and the propriety of it has a direct relationship to our assessing whether he's interested or not. Had this guy given her a shoulder massage in a group of friends, we might have said "ooh, sounds like he likes you!" As it is, he did it while surrounded by colleagues and singled her out as the only one to get this "treatment". That doesn't sound like romantic interest, it's an aggressive power move for all her coworkers to see, and one she wasn't in a place to refuse. I think he might be setting her up for an affair, but it doesn't seem like genuine romantic interest to me at all.
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Old 30th January 2018, 12:21 PM   #25
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This new guy friend (whom I like) approached my table when I was having lunch with my friends/business partners. Since we have the same friends he engaged small talk with them while standing at the back of my chair, massaging my shoulders.The "massage" i think lasted for 5 mississippis. He then moved to the other end of the table; exchanged more pleasantries to the other group, and then he came back to our end "massaged" my shoulders again, engaged into more small talk, and then he left. What does that mean? Does he like me?
Hi! To answer some of your queries, it was not in an office setting. It was the graduation of our managerís son so he booked a private room in one of the restos in the city. The guy was not able to join us due to work conflicts but still he stopped by to pay his respects to our manager. And no, he is not married or dating anyone at the moment. I hope this helps.
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Old 30th January 2018, 12:27 PM   #26
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Hi! To answer some of your queries, it was not in an office setting. It was the graduation of our managerís son so he booked a private room in one of the restos in the city. The guy was not able to join us due to work conflicts but still he stopped by to pay his respects to our manager. And no, he is not married or dating anyone at the moment. I hope this helps.

It is more evidence that he does like you but that setting is even worse. He undermined your power by treating you as a sexual object in front of your boss.


My HUSBAND wouldn't do something so blatantly sexual to me in front of my boss in any setting.
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Old 30th January 2018, 2:42 PM   #27
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I must agree with all the posters who said it's not OK.
He got up from his chair and walked up to you. He stood behind you (position of power) and started massaging your shoulders, unsolicited and in a social context, as if it were nothing and -if I got it right - while still talking to others. In short he tried to make his gesture pass as a normal thing and nothing to even give a thought.

It's wrong because:
1. he overstepped your boundaries
2. he caught you offguard and, in turn, you didn't have any reaction, as you were a bit puzzled as to what that all meant
3. he did it in front of others knowing that usually people don't make scenes in front of others and (this is psychology), as no one said anything, he got away with it TWICE (the object of interest can't see it as inappropriate, because everyone was there and it seemed normal)
4. the guy is single and apparently good-looking, and that seems to be enough for him to get away with such things (he might feel she'd gush all over him and he took advantage of that)
5. it doesn't look like he did it naively, so that it can essentially be condoned, rather with the purpose of testing the waters with her
6. he made her think he likes her, but his behavior seems to go another direction, which is: using her (naive girls are very much at risk of being used and get hurt)
7. that opened the door to redoing the same in other situations or pushing it a bit further: if nothing was said the first and second time, why would it be wrong a third time?
8. all of the above will be perceived as you being consensual, even if that started to make you feel uncomfortable or you decide (wisely) to turn down his touchy-feely approach.

OP, men who like you and have a romantic interest in you usually don't act this way.
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Old 30th January 2018, 3:00 PM   #28
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This is the smartest and most comprehensive response I have read in answer to this posting;

Quote:
It's wrong because:
1. he overstepped your boundaries
2. he caught you offguard and, in turn, you didn't have any reaction, as you were a bit puzzled as to what that all meant
3. he did it in front of others knowing that usually people don't make scenes in front of others and (this is psychology), as no one said anything, he got away with it TWICE (the object of interest can't see it as inappropriate, because everyone was there and it seemed normal)
4. the guy is single and apparently good-looking, and that seems to be enough for him to get away with such things (he might feel she'd gush all over him and he took advantage of that)
5. it doesn't look like he did it naively, so that it can essentially be condoned, rather with the purpose of testing the waters with her
6. he made her think he likes her, but his behavior seems to go another direction, which is: using her (naive girls are very much at risk of being used and get hurt)
7. that opened the door to redoing the same in other situations or pushing it a bit further: if nothing was said the first and second time, why would it be wrong a third time?
8. all of the above will be perceived as you being consensual, even if that started to make you feel uncomfortable or you decide (wisely) to turn down his touchy-feely approach.

OP, men who like you and have a romantic interest in you usually don't act this way.
It summarises what many of us have been saying - please take note OP
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Old 30th January 2018, 4:20 PM   #29
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Iíve known guys that do that shoulder massage thing, they just randomly come up and start massaging a strangerís shoulders. They usually do it to anyone whenever the urge comes. It really means nothing except that they donít believe in the concept of personal space.
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Old 30th January 2018, 4:57 PM   #30
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Iíve known guys that do that shoulder massage thing, they just randomly come up and start massaging a strangerís shoulders. They usually do it to anyone whenever the urge comes. It really means nothing except that they donít believe in the concept of personal space.

And they got no game but plenty of creep. They're like the sexual harassing version of those unsolicited dudes who approach you and try to stick their mixtape in your hand when you are walking down the street. Then they hold out their hand and say $10.
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