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He asked me out to coffee. Am I just a friend or something more to him?


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 12th January 2018, 8:48 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by JuneL View Post
I think his texting you out of the blue when you got back in town was a bold move. What's the harm of sending him a light text?
Exactly what I was thinking, especially after so long with no contact. So, he made a bold move, now you make one!

<--------------------*living vicariously through @overthemoon1010*
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Old 12th January 2018, 9:01 PM   #32
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I think light contact is fine but don’t overpower him and do the needy clingy.

Some guys are a bit shy and do need a prompt though.
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Old 12th January 2018, 9:07 PM   #33
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First wk school starting is a good time to text him before any exams or get behind on work.

Drop a quick line: “how about dinner next Friday?”
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Old 12th January 2018, 9:41 PM   #34
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He sounds interested to me. I don't think "keep in touch" and "do this again" sounds hinky at all. Not everyone is going to want to establish a next date face-to-face for fear of the woman/man saying yes to be nice, then blowing them off. Many will advise not to ask for a second date on the first one. It puts people on the spot. Others will advise to solidify a second on the first. There's no cut n' dry formula for that one.

I think he sounds interested, and it would be okay to reach out, even ask him out, or at least touch base, let him know how much you enjoyed seeing him and are looking forward to the next one.
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Old 12th January 2018, 10:59 PM   #35
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Here's the other thing... I don't know much of anything about why his last relationship ended. I don't really even know when it ended. I do know that they were together still in November. I am a little worried about that. All I remember is that they broke up over the summer, got back together, and now they're completely done. It sounded to me like he had no intentions of ever going back to his hometown to live, but that's where she still is. I really hope this isn't a rebound type of situation. I guess I'll find out. I mean we have known each other and have gotten on so well for a year now. And I trust that he's not using me. But this is uncharted territory for me.

What are some signs to look out for to make sure I'm not a rebound?
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Old 12th January 2018, 11:08 PM   #36
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Here's the other thing... I don't know much of anything about why his last relationship ended. I don't really even know when it ended. I do know that they were together still in November. I am a little worried about that. All I remember is that they broke up over the summer, got back together, and now they're completely done. It sounded to me like he had no intentions of ever going back to his hometown to live, but that's where she still is. I really hope this isn't a rebound type of situation. I guess I'll find out. I mean we have known each other and have gotten on so well for a year now. And I trust that he's not using me. But this is uncharted territory for me.

What are some signs to look out for to make sure I'm not a rebound?
The majority of relationships start without the benefit of this type of knowledge.

I can't really say what to look for in a rebound situation, but maybe make sure to watch out for him talking negatively (or at all) about her too much and "love bombing" you/wanting to move too fast. Doesn't really sound like you have to worry about the latter with him, though.
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Old 13th January 2018, 12:04 AM   #37
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Good point. And I will watch out for those signs.
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Old 13th January 2018, 1:16 AM   #38
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Don't over analyze it. He's interested and obviously you are too.

Have fun.
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Old 13th January 2018, 10:59 PM   #39
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I am having the hardest time finding the courage to send him a text. I am also terrible with knowing if a guy is interested in me unless it's obvious. Is there any indication here that he really just sees me as a friend? It's been exactly a week today since the date and he has not made any plans yet.
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Old 13th January 2018, 11:03 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by overthemoon1010 View Post
I am having the hardest time finding the courage to send him a text. I am also terrible with knowing if a guy is interested in me unless it's obvious. Is there any indication here that he really just sees me as a friend? It's been exactly a week today since the date and he has not made any plans yet.
What's the worst case scenario? He says no? Then what? Will you have to see him face to face in any situation after that?

(I don't think he'll say no, though)
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Old 13th January 2018, 11:21 PM   #41
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I was going to send him a light text asking if he survived his first week back and then see if it develops into something more. What is a plausible response for why he hasn't texted me ever since the day he said he will keep in contact with me (so one week ago)? Could it be because we have been friends, although not close friends, and he doesn't want to take it too fast?

2016 and 2017 were very bad years for me. I experienced rejection in my career as well as rejection from the guy I thought I was going to marry. I have moved on from this particular guy now, but the thought of ONE more thing going wrong is terrifying to me. I didn't realize until the last few days that I have lost a lot of faith in the world. I never used to be this way, but those two years left a serious mark on me.
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Old 13th January 2018, 11:35 PM   #42
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I was going to send him a light text asking if he survived his first week back and then see if it develops into something more. What is a plausible response for why he hasn't texted me ever since the day he said he will keep in contact with me (so one week ago)? Could it be because we have been friends, although not close friends, and he doesn't want to take it too fast?

2016 and 2017 were very bad years for me. I experienced rejection in my career as well as rejection from the guy I thought I was going to marry. I have moved on from this particular guy now, but the thought of ONE more thing going wrong is terrifying to me. I didn't realize until the last few days that I have lost a lot of faith in the world. I never used to be this way, but those two years left a serious mark on me.
Aww, well it is definitely understandable why you feel trepidation. But, on the other hand, to quote my favorite Coldplay song , If you never try, you'll never know.

I think your idea of the text asking him about his first week back is perfect .

As far as him not wanting to take it too fast, it could simply be that he knows he's too busy to be a good serious boyfriend right now so he's keeping things casual....not just with you, but with anyone. I don't mean he's seeing other girls. Just that he may know his own limitations. I can relate to this. I'm not at all "like" him in my life, but I'm a 45 year old divorced mother of 2 teenagers and I'm self employed and one of the reasons I am not looking for love right now is because I know I would not be a good partner. I just don't have time. However, I would be more than willing to very casually date.

Not sure if that helps at all, but I really do like your idea of the casual text .
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Old 16th January 2018, 11:36 PM   #43
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I sent the casual text. We ended up texting for two hours with about 10-20 minutes of time between each text. He asked me about how my grandmother is doing. (I mentioned during the coffee date that she recently had a stroke.) I asked how his classes were going and he said he enjoyed the long weekend and that he studied a lot because he has a huge exam at the end of February that covers material from clinicals that he is already starting to prepare for. He also said that he gets out of classes early two days a week so he likes that. I sent a text saying something about how exercising really helps me focus better and that was the end of the conversation. Granted, we had been texting for two hours and we both needed to study.

I didn't feel the timing was right to ask him when he wanted to meet again. I felt like it would have been too pushy because he had just mentioned that he had this big comprehensive exam to start preparing for. I can't tell if I'm being friendzoned or if some guys just take their time. I'm also pretty sure now that he texted me maybe a week after his relationship ended with the previous girl, so I have no idea what to think of this.
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Old 16th January 2018, 11:53 PM   #44
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Yeah, this is a confusing one, but whatever his feelings are, it doesn't sound like he wants to pursue a relationship at this point. It's possible he reconciled, or is doing the on/off/on/off thing with the ex and likes you both.
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Old 17th January 2018, 12:14 AM   #45
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I have a friend who knows his ex. I was told that they're not friends on any social media any longer and that he is also no longer connected to any of her friends or family on social media. I wish I knew the whole story, but I have a feeling I was just being used by him to keep his mind busy maybe.

I'm really frustrated and hurt by this and feel like he led me on.
I normally don't have time to date, so when I get the chance it is a big deal to me.
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