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Found out Dad I was interested in is married?!


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 15th January 2018, 11:34 AM   #121
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What does this guy represent that makes him so compelling to you? The idea of breaking the rules? Feeling desired by a handsome man? Losing control? If you can figure this out, you can stop yourself before it's too late.

Spend some time on The Other Man/Woman subforum. There are almost zero stories on this entire site where affairs ended well. Things seem to go from exciting fantasies to dramatic rollercoasters (this is the part most people crave) to abject misery in short order. And they don't come without consequences: people get hurt, badly, and the fallout ripples across families.

This man is not available to you. Yes, crushes are fine, but married people are off-limits. When your crush has progressed to the point of planning it's gone way too far.
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Old 15th January 2018, 11:40 AM   #122
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Cautiously, thatís not what I meant to do at all! I already feel guilty because she might have felt some vibes from her husband, and in the past women have felt threatened by me, so I wanted to let her know, IF she is worried (this is all conjecture), that my faith might keep me grounded. In other words - I am less of a threat than a woman who has slept with countless married men, for example.

I always put myself in other peopleís shoes - she is averagely attractive but looks a few years older, and I know we as women always compare ourselves to each other. If I were in her shoes, Iíd be worried - changing that on Facebook was a way of letting her know that we are more alike than different. If that makes sense.

No Go has interpreted my thoughts a lot more eloquently than I ever could. If I were the kind of woman who is ready to jump into bed with anyone, Iíd have done it with him already. Iím very much about letting men chase me (I thoroughly enjoy it), but I wasnít born yesterday - it doesnít take more than a few smiles and suggestive comments for a man to make a move. If anything, Iíve been extra careful to keep my distance (and to quote what someone asked once, why did I sit behind his wife - we belong to the same team, all the parents sit together).

Anytime there has been staring, it was me catching him doing it, not the other way around. I havenít encouraged him in any way - but in my head, he is all I want.

This does not mean that Iíll throw caution to the wind and let loneliness take the lead. But I am worried about something - what if he comes on to me without encouragement? I donít think Iíd be strong enough. Iíd cave. It would be too much.

Maybe heís in the same boat about his desire and would wait for me to make a move, which will never happen.

My life feels like a soap opera. 😩
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Old 15th January 2018, 11:53 AM   #123
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Oh you can bank on it. Heíll be too scared to make a move and so youíll be safe.

He will continue to awkwardly flirt with you though but never make a move. You can make of that what you want.
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Old 15th January 2018, 11:54 AM   #124
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My life feels like a soap opera. 😩
From what I can tell he's a married man who occasionally looks at you. From your perspective it's a soap opera. Honestly, it sounds as though you *want* it to be a soap opera. Is there anything you could do with your life that would engage your intellect and imagination? Arts, music, any kind of creative expression?

There is a big difference between "ooh, he's cute!" and "if he made a move, I'd never be able to resist even though his wife is so nice, my life is so dramatic and intense!" When you're at the point where it's affecting your life this much, it's kinda out of hand.
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Old 15th January 2018, 11:59 AM   #125
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Meh, Sheís just a little bored and lonely and needs to refocus elsewhere, Thatís all. Sheís not doing too much wrong.
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Old 15th January 2018, 12:03 PM   #126
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Oh, I agree she's not *doing* anything wrong; it's just a waste of time, energy and imagination. But I do think when you reach the point where you're thinking about the consequences of an affair, not wanting to hurt his wife, etc, it's time for a new hobby. You are almost certainly right that boredom and loneliness are driving this.
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Old 15th January 2018, 12:18 PM   #127
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Cautiously, thatís not what I meant to do at all! I already feel guilty because she might have felt some vibes from her husband, and in the past women have felt threatened by me, so I wanted to let her know, IF she is worried (this is all conjecture), that my faith might keep me grounded. In other words - I am less of a threat than a woman who has slept with countless married men, for example.

I always put myself in other peopleís shoes - she is averagely attractive but looks a few years older, and I know we as women always compare ourselves to each other. If I were in her shoes, Iíd be worried - changing that on Facebook was a way of letting her know that we are more alike than different. If that makes sense.
Yes, it makes sense and I'm glad I misunderstood. So I'm gonna circle back to befriending her to further remove the temptation.

As far as you being unable to resist his advances should he make them, just don't be in a situation where the two of you are alone without anyone else around and that shouldn't be a problem. I mean, I assume you wouldn't get down on the gym floor and let him have his way with you right in front of the bleachers .
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Old 15th January 2018, 12:29 PM   #128
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I am confused as this has been mentioned, all he did was smile and possibly acknowledge that an attractive women was in front of him. He brought his wife to the game. He hasn't shown any sign that he is even thinking of chasing you.

He doesn't seem like he is obsessing or pining for you and for all you know he could have the same encounters with other women in other areas of his life.

I also have to be honest, and believe me, I have work to do on myself. I do NOT personally feel threatened by women who are more attractive then I am. I feel more threatened by women who are more attractive and successful then I am.

Do you have any girlfriends? Do you have women that you platonically spend time with [?]

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Old 15th January 2018, 12:52 PM   #129
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Do you have any girlfriends?
Great question.
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Old 16th January 2018, 12:25 AM   #130
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And the situation is more difficult for someone who looks a certain way, not because of the same reason it is for most (rejection), but because at least in my case, attraction is very difficult. Physical attraction is difficult. Physical and emotional attraction, like it is with him, is almost unheard of in my life.
That's the issue, JJ. If you're a 9 or a 10, you're naturally only going to be truly attracted to other 9/10's. But how many of those are there really? And of those, how many of them are going to be emotionally/intellectually attractive to you on top of their looks? Because now we're talking about a fraction of a fraction.

And of those people, how many are "available"? Now it's a fraction of a fraction of a fraction. It's cruel how lonely it can be to be good looking like that. Even worse is that no one is going to feel sorry for you except for other people like you. See, we have an "advantage" over the average person. .

Reading advice in this thread talking about "there's PLENTY of available people out there, go meet one of them" is LOL. Of course they're available, they're not attractive. Being in a relationship with someone not on your level of attractiveness is miserable. They will worship the ground you walk on but it won't go back the other way. Relationships like that are asymmetrical and toxic. Is that what you want?

Oh wait, this is LoveShack and I was really supposed to tell you that cheating is wrong and stuff. Don't listen to me.
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Old 16th January 2018, 6:30 AM   #131
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Well. Cheating is still wrong.
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Old 16th January 2018, 7:32 AM   #132
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Guys, I freaked out a little last night! Tried to come here and the LoveShack page wouldnít even open... I thought for sure I had pissed someone off and had been banned forever from LoveShack 😂

But here I am. Nervous and excited because thereís a chance I wonít really see him tonight (snow storm), but hopefully I will! Because maybe he will give me some sort of definitive signal and I can choose what to do next. Yes, I know this isnít productive.

As to one of the questions... About friends. Yes, I have three closer girlfriends I spend time with, in their late 40s/early 50s, but have never spent time with their husbands, which is fine with me. Itís been happening my whole life. Although, I have to say Iíve always been better friends with men, I relate to them better, but at my age Thatís impossible. I gave up on having another guy friend a long time ago. To be honest, friendship isnít something I need or miss. I feel my life is very full, itís just the lack of a desirable man that is driving me to this.

And yes, my heart is full of coveting 😩 Iím not proud of it.

World once again has deciphered exactly whatís been happening to me. I really want to let go and pursue this, but am so afraid of the fallout. And thereís still a chance that heís a faithful man and would reject me, something I probably will only find out overtime. As someone else mentioned, he probably wonít make a move on his own.

World, Iím listening to you more than you know! 😃
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Old 16th January 2018, 7:53 AM   #133
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So, three things:

1) He's married.
2) You do not seem to have a relationship. You aren't friends, acquaintances, coworkers, or anything with any kind of regular contact. He's a hot guy who looks at you sometimes.
3) He is *married*.

All of these are reasons not to "pursue this"; there's effectively nothing to pursue. The connection you seek is entirely in your imagination. So what are you really pursuing? The feeling of being wanted by someone you find desirable? The forbidden nature of it? You can have all kinds of romance, excitement and desire that don't involve people who have taken vows.

Married people are off-limits. You know this, or should know this. If the only thing stopping you is a fear of "fallout", that's not much, but it's a start. Think about how much damage you'll do to yourself and your family---and this man's.
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Old 16th January 2018, 4:56 PM   #134
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I agree that the OP's "vanity" here is mostly responding to other comments on her looks. It has been shown in studies that larger breasted women get more tips. It's not out of line to suggest that attractive people have a different set of life lessons to learn than average people do. I'm sure there's a third set for unattractive people. So I agree with you on that, OP. It's irrelevant to your actual topic, though, so let those comments go. Report them for irrelevance, ask for your thread to be cleaned up, leave them be, whatever. Just don't reply to nonsense.

That said, I also agree with everyone saying that yes, you need to chill out. Mutual attraction is rare for a lot of people, but it shouldn't be acted on every time. In the end, you'll do whatever you decide to do, regardless of how bad you know that decision is. I can only suggest to you that you don't.
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Old 16th January 2018, 5:36 PM   #135
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OP - I'm 'impressed' by the hypocrisy of the people bashing on you.

Remember - for your own sanity - you've done NOTHING wrong. You have been crushing on an attractive guy who has shown you clear signs of interest (YES clear, otherwise you wouldn't have noticed him). If anyone here is in fault - it is him, not you. Your only 'fault' is being more beautiful than most.

Having said that - for your own sanity, try to stay away from this guy. It is soap-opera-sh for now but will quickly turn into drama. You don't have the capacity of some people that break in other's families, so I'm afraid you'd get hurt... Keep busy and carry on.
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