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Found out Dad I was interested in is married?!


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 18th January 2018, 1:01 PM   #151
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I keep going back and forth about whether I should attend the game or not. I want to see him again, but my rational side tells me that now is the right time to take a step back. So much of mental seduction - the only kind he and I are going to have - is about knowing when to withdraw, strategically.

I think missing the game will allow for some emotional distance. This is a two-edged sword, though: some men would grow disinterested, others would step up their game and chase more arduously. If I can be both enticing and elusive at the same time, I can find out what kind he is. This kind of ambiguity is what makes men chase after a womanís apparent unattainability. Will he?

Now that I think about it, I have done this somewhat. I think a dichotomy of a quality that goes against how you look is important in order to attract: I have an innocent face and air, but I have to admit that Iíve tried to create some depth and mystery by some naughty glances - itís the kind of desire that is in the eyes only, but I think Iíve built in a kind of interesting depth that counters my ďsweetĒ looks. I wanted to intrigue him, and I think I have.

I always think of Marilyn Monroe when I want to emulate this - she had the face and voice of a little girl, but something very sexual emanated from her at the same time. I think the trick is to make the second quality just a touch strong, barely noticeable - as if the man is just ďsensing itĒ. Make the second quality too strong (in this case, naughtiness), and you risk looking schizophrenic! I think Iíve found a good balance.

But Iíve only interacted with him 5 times, and our interactions havenít been that extensive. I have an idea of who he is, but I know better than to mistake a personís appearance for reality. If I were to extend this seduction, which I wonít, Iíd need a lot more time to find out who he is. Touch upon that basic need we all have, from which all of our desires stem. It would be interesting. But, itís not meant to be.

Forgive my ramblings, I still have a couple of days to decide if Iím going to the game and my head is spinning!
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Old 18th January 2018, 1:24 PM   #152
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May I ask why your marriage ended?
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Old 18th January 2018, 2:52 PM   #153
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I agree that the OP has done nothing at all to cross boundaries, but neither has the guy. In your earlier reply, you were adamant that the OP's intuition was proof that the guy has been flirting heavily in a subtle manner (I'm paraphrasing here), so why are you so sure that the guy does not have the intuition to see that the OP has been mentally rehearsing how to get the right balance to seduce him and has been wondering if he would act on his attraction by having sex with her once?

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Originally Posted by No_Go View Post
OP - I'm 'impressed' by the hypocrisy of the people bashing on you.

Remember - for your own sanity - you've done NOTHING wrong. You have been crushing on an attractive guy who has shown you clear signs of interest (YES clear, otherwise you wouldn't have noticed him). If anyone here is in fault - it is him, not you. Your only 'fault' is being more beautiful than most.

Having said that - for your own sanity, try to stay away from this guy. It is soap-opera-sh for now but will quickly turn into drama. You don't have the capacity of some people that break in other's families, so I'm afraid you'd get hurt... Keep busy and carry on.
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Old 18th January 2018, 3:25 PM   #154
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You know what, I somewhat agree with your assessment. If anything, this thread illustrates that you can't just be a bit friendly to a woman as a very good looking guy without being interpreted that you are romantically attracted to the woman.

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OP JJ,

What most people don't realize is that being a physically beautiful person is a very lonely experience. It's not that you can't find a date or whatever (you easily could if you wanted to), but it's that you're not attracted to anyone else. The mating pool for you is a tiny fraction of what it is for the average person. It sucks.

You found someone who's attracted to you and also who you're attracted to at the same time? Congratulations!! It's so rare for that to happen.

Here's the other thing. Most of the advice you're getting here is coming from people who were damaged because they had an affair. But I bet they sure enjoyed it while they were doing it, don't you think?

It's like overeating your favorite food to the point of nausea and telling everyone you meet never to do that because you ended up so sick. Then meeting an emaciated, starving, homeless person and telling them not to dive into that free buffet sitting there right in front of them.

This married dude is into you, and you're into him. Go for it, life is short and way too lonely for certain people.
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Old 18th January 2018, 4:25 PM   #155
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You're right actually. He is probably sensing it too. When it comes to sexual responses, I do believe intuition gives us plenty of information. Signs of interest, regardless of how subtle they are, are hard to impossible to miss. So he must know as well.

So in that sense - I think this will escalate very quickly to sex if they happen to have alone time together, but since they are not - so far all is good.

I think we all have these cases of attraction where we imagine ripping the clothes of the other person right there and then, but 1/100 actually go to anywhere... So the best bet of OP is to stay in the other 99.

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Originally Posted by JuneL View Post
I agree that the OP has done nothing at all to cross boundaries, but neither has the guy. In your earlier reply, you were adamant that the OP's intuition was proof that the guy has been flirting heavily in a subtle manner (I'm paraphrasing here), so why are you so sure that the guy does not have the intuition to see that the OP has been mentally rehearsing how to get the right balance to seduce him and has been wondering if he would act on his attraction by having sex with her once?
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Old 18th January 2018, 4:28 PM   #156
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You're right actually. He is probably sensing it too. When it comes to sexual responses, I do believe intuition gives us plenty of information. Signs of interest, regardless of how subtle they are, are hard to impossible to miss. So he must know as well.

So in that sense - I think this will escalate very quickly to sex if they happen to have alone time together, but since they are not - so far all is good.

I think we all have these cases of attraction where we imagine ripping the clothes of the other person right there and then, but 1/100 actually go to anywhere... So the best bet of OP is to stay in the other 99.
I think OP said basketball season is 3 months. My prediction is that this will escalate through technology once the season is over.....
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Old 18th January 2018, 4:45 PM   #157
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I think OP said basketball season is 3 months. My prediction is that this will escalate through technology once the season is over.....
Either that, or I think more likely will dissolve. Which will be for the better.
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Old 19th January 2018, 5:38 AM   #158
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Iíve addressed my former marriage somewhat, but it ended basically because I got very tired of trying to fix a relationship that was unsatisfying to me - he was happy as a clam! And to be honest, he was a good man. But the sex wasnít what I wanted, he was emotionally dependent, there was a lot about him I couldnít deal with. I was married for 12 years, he was my first real relationship, and I just got tired. I deserved better. Iím doing so much better being free, even if the attraction issue still keeps me in a corner! I believe that the right man is out there.

As for Basketball Dad, I donít know that I agree that things will escalate, or even that they would if we were alone. I mean, maybe he IS a good man who would just say no if given a choice to be with me. Maybe he would choose to be faithful.

Hereís the thing: seduction is a game of psychology, not of beauty. One does not need to be beautiful in order to seduce. And while my beauty probably helps, what Iím enjoying with him is this game of penetration of the mind... Not of private parts! This is the fun part, the expectation, the flirting, the wondering. In this sense, I donít think anything physical would happen.

I definitely got vibes that he was showing off and trying to get my attention with his basketball antics and the undressing last time! 😊 It was pretty strong. And itís something about the way he looks at me - itís just different. But that doesnít necessarily mean that he would sleep with me.

For example - his assistant coach, a male (Camera Watch is another one, but female), also flirts with me. He stares more than Basketball Dad, starts conversations, etc. His interest is very noticeable, but it doesnít affect me at all. The way B-Dad does it is completely different. Itís more... dignified, refined... Itís more enjoyable. Of course, Iím more attracted to him too, but everything about him is more elevated.

I donít know if the way he has acted so far means he is the kind of man who is open to being interested in another woman. Iím trying to keep myself grounded. I think a faithful man who has noticed Iím interested would avoid contact with me - be civil but stay away. He has not done this.

Thereís this voice inside of me that says that a man who is committed to being faithful does not go out of his way to talk to an attractive woman, and stare at her, and show off, and throw suggestive looks and words her way. But, all of this is pretty mild. The guy hasnít done anything wrong yet! The question is... would he? And how do I find out?

It wonít be tomorrow at the game. Iíve already set it up, my ex is taking my son. Iíll go to the morning game instead... So Tuesday will be my next day to look forward to. 😃
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Old 19th January 2018, 7:20 AM   #159
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Originally Posted by JJacobs View Post
I think a faithful man who has noticed Iím interested would avoid contact with me - be civil but stay away. He has not done this...Thereís this voice inside of me that says that a man who is committed to being faithful does not go out of his way to talk to an attractive woman, and stare at her, and show off, and throw suggestive looks and words her way.
You are an attractive person who is used to (and enjoys at times) attention. So is he. Nothing you have posted here suggests anything beyond that. I wouldn't call anything he's done suggestive or even flirtatious, but suppose it was; so what? None of that means he has any interest in anything beyond flirting. Lots of people think flirting is totally harmless. He may not even realize he's doing it.

More to the point, why does any of his behavior matter? You are not going to have an affair.

Ogle him all you want, but he's a married man. He's off the market. If he wanted you, you'd know, but per your own admission nothing remotely untoward has happened. Which is fine, because he's *married*.

Minimariah gave you some excellent advice a few pages ago. It might be worth rereading.
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Old 19th January 2018, 8:08 AM   #160
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This is a game of waiting - of creating anticipation and desire. Iíve decided not to follow through with it to the fullest extent, but his reactions so far are consistent with what men who are not used to extramarital affairs do. Only brutes and the unsophisticated are obvious and forceful early on.

Iím not short-sighted - his reactions can, and will, change overtime. Right now, they could go either way. But do you think Iím going to stop enjoying this process because of only a handful of times in which Iíve seen him?!

Rest assured:your comments do not discourage me in the least.
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Old 19th January 2018, 10:05 AM   #161
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If you are looking for "encouragement" to pursue a married man (who has shown no actual romantic interest in you, at that), you may want to look elsewhere. Nobody on this board has good things to say about extramarital affairs. Seriously, check out the Other Man/Woman boards---they aren't pretty.

All I see is a woman creating melodrama and excitement out of thin air, probably due to boredom and loneliness. That would be fine except you're actively trying to involve these real-life people in your fantasy "games", and that's the line at which people can be embarrassed, hurt, or worse. Do whatever you please, but I'm pretty sure this all ends with you wishing you'd stuck to reorganizing Tupperware.
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Last edited by lana-banana; 19th January 2018 at 11:07 AM..
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Old 19th January 2018, 11:14 AM   #162
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Lana, my dear, all you can do is stay tuned! 😊

Meanwhile, I keep telling myself that Tuesday will be here soon enough and Iíll just enjoy my little oneís basketball prowess early tomorrow morning! Iíve had too much coffee this morning, so Iím a bit edgy, but volunteering for lunch service at my sonís school, then a spa visit will get me back on track.

I love weekends!! 😉
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Old 19th January 2018, 11:32 AM   #163
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You summed it right up:
Here’s the thing: seduction is a game of psychology, not of beauty. One does not need to be beautiful in order to seduce. And while my beauty probably helps, what I’m enjoying with him is this game of penetration of the mind... Not of private parts! This is the fun part, the expectation, the flirting, the wondering. In this sense, I don’t think anything physical would happen.

The psychological game of uncertainty and desire, especially the one that most certainly won't materialize, is not for the faint of heart, but brings enormous rush of energy, nothing compares.

That's what I'm reading here, not a woman about to indulge into an affair, or a woman who is bored or whatever other insults were given to you. The manipulator behavior will be to ask him out and profess your deep undying feelings . [] Here I see just a controlled play of the mind, which is exhilarating and beats down any traditional relationship-y games involving end goals.

I'm the last person on earth to support relations of any kind with a guy with girlfriend or wife (shockingly - fully supported by actions), but here the game is 'seduction/attraction' not 'chase down a taken guy', the two are vastly different for these who can see...

P.S. I experienced similar attraction many years ago. Never acted on it. What do you think happened back then? The guy divorced wifey and knocked up his college gf 2 months later. Then divorced her as well and went back to the previous one. Your actions won't change the cheater's mind, staying away from physical is for your own self-respect and for his current woman, if he's the cheating type, he'll find a more easy target and go from there...

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 19th January 2018 at 12:56 PM.. Reason: Language
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Old 19th January 2018, 11:50 AM   #164
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So it's more noble to mind have an emotional affair with a married man?

p.s. Nothing in your example indicated the guy in your example has cheated.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 19th January 2018 at 12:56 PM.. Reason: Redact full quote of immediately preceding post
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Old 19th January 2018, 12:01 PM   #165
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Originally Posted by JuneL View Post
So it's more noble to mind have an emotional affair with a married man?
Where do you see emotional affair? She said nothing, done nothing.

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p.s. Nothing in your example indicated the guy in your example has cheated.
Yeah, he hasn't to my knowledge, just skillfully rotated [wives]. I gave it as an example (irony) for a guy that I stayed away from to save his 'stable' marriage

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 19th January 2018 at 12:57 PM..
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