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Girl I like says she's "scared"?


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We met this summer and have been chatting ever since.

 

We had a talk over Messenger this evening, after I finished work, and it went like this:

 

Her: "Yes, but "to be" with someone (in a couple) is different to what we're doing now.... you have to support the other person's character"

 

Me: "Well,let me discover your character?"

 

Her: "It's difficult..."

 

Me: "I like a challenge..."

 

Her: "And I'm scared of it"

 

 

I don't know what to think about that... What does she mean?

 

Is she telling me she doesn't want to date?

 

 

Yeah, so I basically asked her what she meant by "what we're doing now" and she replied "being friends... I don't want to ruin that".

Edited by Sgthaytham
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We met this summer and have been chatting ever since.

 

We had a talk over Messenger this evening, after I finished work, and it went like this:

 

Her: "Yes, but "to be" with someone (in a couple) is different to what we're doing now.... you have to support the other person's character"

 

Me: "Well,let me discover your character?"

 

Her: "It's difficult..."

 

Me: "I like a challenge..."

 

Her: "And I'm scared of it"

 

 

I don't know what to think about that... What does she mean?

 

Is she telling me she doesn't want to date?

 

 

 

She is telling you to be careful what you wish for....

 

If she is scared of her own character, she is giving you fair warning that she does not do well in official relationship situations. I would read it as she is giving you advance warning that she may not be relationship material, but more casual than that. So don't get all entangled with her emotionally, because you will end up being disappointed.

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Not interested in you romantically would be my opinion. A lady who finds you attractive knows she won't ruin anything by stepping it up. Why? Because she already knows she has you. Back when I was into all that platonic 'getting to know' stuff as a young man, women played that to the hilt. Can't say I blame them. We teach others how to treat us.

'Sorry, I guess we feel differently. Good luck!'

 

Then a silence sandwich. Continue to ask other women out on dates but without the preamble extended chatting part. Practice that. Accept whatever the answer is with a smile.

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She is telling you to be careful what you wish for....

 

If she is scared of her own character, she is giving you fair warning that she does not do well in official relationship situations. I would read it as she is giving you advance warning that she may not be relationship material, but more casual than that. So don't get all entangled with her emotionally, because you will end up being disappointed.

 

 

You mean FWBs?

 

I'm not looking for a relationship with her, I'm not even sure I'm ready for one at this point - with anyone.

 

Seems to me she's just put me in the FZ by saying we're "friends" and that she "doesn't want to ruin it".

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Not interested in you romantically would be my opinion. A lady who finds you attractive knows she won't ruin anything by stepping it up. Why? Because she already knows she has you. Back when I was into all that platonic 'getting to know' stuff as a young man, women played that to the hilt. Can't say I blame them. We teach others how to treat us.

'Sorry, I guess we feel differently. Good luck!'

 

Then a silence sandwich. Continue to ask other women out on dates but without the preamble extended chatting part. Practice that. Accept whatever the answer is with a smile.

 

One can be "romantically interested", but one can be "sexually interested" or "platonically interested" too. Which one is it, do you think?

 

I've had girls who actually were attracted to me put these walls up, saying that they don't think that I could handle their personalities, etc...

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Honestly, that kind of chatter should be done face-to-face.

 

Yeah, you're right, but it just came up when we were texting...

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Is she telling me she doesn't want to date?

 

 

Yeah, so I basically asked her what she meant by "what we're doing now" and she replied "being friends... I don't want to ruin that".

 

dude you're in the dreaded friend zone...move on to the next girl

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When a girl says I'm scared, it is coupled with 1 of 2 actions.....its either 1) I'm scared and lets do this = she likes you. 2) I'm scared, we need to stay friends = she's just not into you.

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You mean FWBs?

 

I'm not looking for a relationship with her, I'm not even sure I'm ready for one at this point - with anyone.

 

Seems to me she's just put me in the FZ by saying we're "friends" and that she "doesn't want to ruin it".

 

If you're not looking for a relationship with her, then it's good that she sees you as just a friend.

 

Not sure what the problem is.

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If you're not looking for a relationship with her, then it's good that she sees you as just a friend.

 

Not sure what the problem is.

 

 

Right, now I’m just plain confused.

 

I sent a reply saying that it seems like I’ve mistaken how she sees me. She asks «*what do you mean?*» I tell her that I fancy her, but I didn’t understand that she saw me as only a friend. She says «*you’re mistaken again, you should always go with your first intuition*»

 

Girls are confusing as hell...

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When a girl says I'm scared, it is coupled with 1 of 2 actions.....its either 1) I'm scared and lets do this = she likes you. 2) I'm scared, we need to stay friends = she's just not into you.

 

I sent her a message telling her that I mistook her feelings for me.

 

She asks if it’s about what I think about her.

 

I tell I made a mistake about how she feels about me, and she says «*you’re mistaken again*»

 

I don’t know what’s going on anymore.

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So, what was your 'first intuition'?

 

TBH, sounds like game playing to me. Up to you if you want to play. To me, she sets up goalposts, then moves them, plays a bit, then moves them again. I'm guessing you're both young, like 20's at most. Glad you have the time!

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TBH, sounds like game playing to me. Up to you if you want to play. To me, she sets up goalposts, then moves them, plays a bit, then moves them again. I'm guessing you're both young, like 20's at most. Glad you have the time!

not unlike Lucy and Charlie Brown :lmao:

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So, what was your 'first intuition'?

 

TBH, sounds like game playing to me. Up to you if you want to play. To me, she sets up goalposts, then moves them, plays a bit, then moves them again. I'm guessing you're both young, like 20's at most. Glad you have the time!

 

That there was chemistry, of course.

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I sent her a message telling her that I mistook her feelings for me.

 

She asks if it’s about what I think about her.

 

I tell I made a mistake about how she feels about me, and she says «*you’re mistaken again*»

 

I don’t know what’s going on anymore.

 

IMO she's playing games. I'd come back when she can woman up and stop with the mixed signals.

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IMO she's playing games. I'd come back when she can woman up and stop with the mixed signals.

 

How can you tell she's playing games?

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How can you tell she's playing games?

because you're posting on here wondering whether she likes you or not

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When will people learn?

 

 

Conversations about feelings & other emotional subjects should ONLY occur face to face, never through e-mail, text or messenger. Ugh. You need all of the non-verbal communication / context that is stripped from the written word.

 

 

This girl has now told you point blank she likes things with you exactly the way they are -- a few messages, a brief electronic "conversation", a little bit of flirting but she wants no part of a real relationship where you see each other, touch, & accommodate one another. I have no idea what she's afraid of; sounds like it has something to do with a past relationship gone wrong for which she is now making you pay. Her reasons don't matter as much as she's said no.

 

 

If you are good with these little unfulfilling morsels, carry on. If you actually want something real, she is not your girl.

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Conversations about feelings & other emotional subjects should ONLY occur face to face, never through e-mail, text or messenger. Ugh. You need all of the non-verbal communication / context that is stripped from the written word.

I couldn't have written that better myself :)

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How can you tell she's playing games?

 

 

 

It's easy to answer this.

 

 

If you ask for a date or if she is interested, "Yes" or "No" means she is not playing games.

 

 

If anytime you ask a specific question where only a definite Yes or No is acceptable and you get anything else=game.

 

 

No game playing:

 

 

You: Would you like to be exclusive?

Her: No, I am not ready for that.

 

 

You: Would you like to go on a date Friday?

Her: Thank you but no, I am not interested in you like that.

 

 

Game playing:

 

 

You: Would you like to go on a date this Wednesday night?

Her: It depends on how you define what a person's character says about whether or not they are capable of honestly dating and when it comes down to it, can anyone really ever date before they fully know who they are? And if the character is defined in such detail that is sympathetic with who you are, is there any need to call it a date?

You: So...are we going out on Wednesday or not?

 

 

Which camp do you think you fall in with her indirect answer/non-answer?

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  • 4 weeks later...
heartbrokenlady
You mean FWBs?

 

I'm not looking for a relationship with her, I'm not even sure I'm ready for one at this point - with anyone.

 

Seems to me she's just put me in the FZ by saying we're "friends" and that she "doesn't want to ruin it".

 

 

 

You've just said you don't want a relationship. So what else are you other than friends?

 

 

Maybe she's scared of dating because there are a lot of players around. And what else is dating but really only wanting sex, other than playing games?

 

Be honest with her. I don't want a relationship. Then she can make a real choice.

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