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I have feelings for my best friend and it's hitting me hard.


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I wasn't sure which forum to post this in, so I guessed maybe this one.

 

Maybe she's not my best friend, but my best female one lately. Basically early this year I met her, but new from years ago and that's how we clicked. She said she was just looking for FWBs and so I tried that out with her, but we ended being good friends as well, and hanging out and doing all this other stuff together.

 

I developed feelings for her overtime and chose to ignore it since I liked her as a friend so much and valued that. Last night she told me she has a new bf now, and my feelings all of a sudden skyrocketed and I was surprised as to how much it's affected me. Maybe I'm in love, not sure, but definitely close.

 

I feel like maybe I should tell her how I feel since it's bothering me a lot more. I'm not looking to get her to leave her new bf if that is the right guy for her and if he makes her happy.

 

But at the same time, I have this huge weight on my heart that's bothering me, and I feel I should somehow lift it, and clear the air. What do you think?

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maybe iron out your feelings for her and discuss her current feelings for the new guy? Be sly. Take notes.

 

I wouldn't appreciate my 'friend' showing up after my new party had started with love interest.

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I was in a similar situation. Mine involved him finding someone when I took space after a fight, but I had that same eating away at you feeling that you describe. Ultimately, I said what I needed to say, going as far to include that I wanted him to be happy with her & that I didn't want to be contacted. I got what I needed from sending it, but I think it really hurt him to hear just how close to working out we actually were. I also think that it added to some of the friction afterwards, but it certainly wasn't the main cause. I don't regret my decision, because we both needed to be able to let go for us to truly move on. This was part of that.

 

I don't know your situation as intimately, but I have a feeling that you will hurt her & lessen her opinion of you. You may be able to overcome it in the future, but you might not. Getting it off your chest makes it a lot easier to move on, though, & your mental health matters more than a possible future relationship with someone who is currently in one with somebody else. It's mostly just a question of whether or not you want to risk hurting her heart a little to mend yours a quite a lot. You know her personality well enough to know how big of a risk that is.

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Actually the bf broke up with her now and now she's really upset... So I guess things are back to where they were I guess. Is their anything I should still do, or treat differently now though, do you think?

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  • 1 month later...
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Well I've been doing a lot of thinking about it and I want to remain friends with her. I accept the fact that she doesn't feel the same way, and I didn't tell her I have feelings for her.

 

I enjoy spending time with her, and hanging out as friends, but then when I go home later, I feel a lot of anxiety about it not being more, and feels like a punch to the stomach. But I don't want to stop being friends with her over this, cause good friends are hard to find, and I don't have many. I would like to keep her as a friend, and still have a lot of fun times with her, but sever the connection of strong romantic feelings and just like her as a good friend. Is this possible?

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trustyourself
Well I've been doing a lot of thinking about it and I want to remain friends with her. I accept the fact that she doesn't feel the same way, and I didn't tell her I have feelings for her.

 

I enjoy spending time with her, and hanging out as friends, but then when I go home later, I feel a lot of anxiety about it not being more, and feels like a punch to the stomach. But I don't want to stop being friends with her over this, cause good friends are hard to find, and I don't have many. I would like to keep her as a friend, and still have a lot of fun times with her, but sever the connection of strong romantic feelings and just like her as a good friend. Is this possible?

 

Are you sure she would not be receptive to you having a more serious relationship? You are never going to know unless you talk about it.

 

At the same time, I understand that you don’t want to damage the friendship. It’s a tough spot.

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I think if it was going to turn romantic, it already would have. You were, after all, sleeping together. How long has it been since you slept together? And if you stopped, whose idea was that?

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Do yourself a favor and move on from this friendship.

 

You like her more than a friend she does not like you that way plus she now has a boyfriend.

 

End the friendship and go find someone who is interested in you as more than a friend. She is not going to change her mind

 

The one thing we can't get back is time and you are wasting too much on this woman and will never get it back

You will regret it at some point...

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The likelihood of her having romantic feelings for a guy who acts like her girlfriend is very slim. Probably not going to happen.

 

That's why I don't be friends with women ... that I'm romantically interested in.

 

We're either lovers or acquaintances. If I'm a woman's lover, then I can be friends with her. You should be friends with a lover, girlfriend, fiancee, or wife. Lovers AND friends. But, you must be a lover first. Otherwise, acquaintances.

 

If you do choose to be just friends with a woman, make sure it's somebody you would NEVER want romantically.

 

You're giving mixed signals. Confusing her and yourself. You're acting as this non-sexual, safe, nice guy, "friend" when you really want more than that. It's going to be very difficult for her to change her view or you from non-sexual friend to romantic partner.

 

So, from now on, don't put yourself in that situation. If you know you're interested in her romantically, then keep yourself a romantic option by not pretending to be "just friends". That's deceptive and manipulative. And not likely to work.

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Don't be friends with her. Refuse to let her put you in the friend zone.

 

You don't have to do everything (or anything) she wants. When she wants you to hold her purse and help her pick out makeup have something better to do. MMA class. Rock climbing. Hanging with your friends. Farting in the wind. Anything.

 

Look, women know men want sex. In order for her to be your "friend", she has to desexualize you. Has to think of you as not a threat in that area. It's very difficult for her to flip the switch back to thinking of you sexually.

 

Don't be friends with a girl you're not having sex with.

 

I'm telling you this for future reference. For the next girl. I feel this one is too far gone. You're in too deep with this girl. The friend zone abyss. You can keep being her friend, but, if I were you, I'd seek romance elsewhere.

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