LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Transitioning > Friends and Lovers

friend's girlfriend likes me too much and I like her too much aswell


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

Like Tree7Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 19th November 2017, 2:33 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Belgium
Posts: 160
friend's girlfriend likes me too much and I like her too much aswell

Hey people,

It's been a long time since I've posted here, and I actually never imagined that I had to post this kind of situation on here.

So, one of my best friends ( we are both 26 years old and know eachother 20 years... ) has an 18 month old relation with a 20 year old girl.
From the beginning I found out that she likes me, but I just thought that she likes me in a friendship way, just like most people have with the lovers of their best friends.

After 6-8 months, when my friend goes home and she wants to keep on partying, she comes to dance closer with me. It's allways getting intense but I'm sobering up so I don't do something stupid.
I'm pretty open minded and know that it doesn't mean anything that a girl dances closer to you. This happend a couple of times untill 10 days ago.

On saturday they were with her friends partying, I joined them very very late ( 4am ), my friend went home and then the flirting with his girl begun.
We were both very very tipsy, and decided to go home. She lives 200 meters away from me, long story short, we started talking about that she is into me, I said that she can come in my place to talk about this.
We talked 3 hours about way too much things. She told me that she isn't into my friend anymore and that she is falling for me.
She asked if she could sleep over.
I was too stupid to agree on this. We did not kiss or have sex, but we snuggled through the night.

Now, I'm allways the first to say 'bros before ho's', and I found her attractive but nothing more that that. But now that the days are passing, I can't stop thinking about her anymore.

What am I suposed to do?

I feel like a complete ******* towards my friend and I am way to cowardly to explain this to him. Most of all I want to run away, travel for a while untill this feeling towards her is over.
She's breaking up with him, but I know that it is soooo wrong to start dating/have sex with her now.
If I was him I would be very angry/disapointed.

I can talk here about so much details, maybe I'll add some later during the advice.

Should I explain everything to him?
Should I just try to ignore this whole situation?

The only thing I know is that this really is forbidden 'love/lust'. I'm starting to want her badly, but I know that it is impossible.

Any ideas how to cope with this?

Thanks a lot for sharing your information/experience. I'm sure that this is a phase that most people have gone throught but this is really ****ty.
gimlynick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th November 2017, 3:53 PM   #2
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 26,233
Which do you value more -- your buddy or his girl. You can only have one.

Assuming it's him, avoid all situations where you are alone with her.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd November 2017, 4:06 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Belgium
Posts: 160
So, this morning she came to my place to talk about this stuff.

It's obvious that we are both falling for eachother.

We both agree on not contacting eachother, not messing around of flirting.

She's going to try to stay together with my buddy, even that she said that they will never stay together forever ( he's not really polite or tactfull towards gf's ).

She told me that we never can be together even after that she breaks up, but then she laughs about it and makes it clear that she rly wants to meet me again.


My mind is messy right now. I'm really feeling something that I didn't feel for allmost 2 years.

To be honest I hope that they break up.

Right now I'm just going no contact, only seeing her when he is there and we agreed on not getting drunk when we are together.



Just wanted to vent out a little bit. It will be fine, thanks
gimlynick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd November 2017, 4:47 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,521
She's a mess and she's pulling you into it. Beware and be spare!
LivingWaterPlease is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22nd November 2017, 4:56 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Belgium
Posts: 160
Quote:
Originally Posted by LivingWaterPlease View Post
She's a mess and she's pulling you into it. Beware and be spare!
yeah she is!

but I am aswell, just starting to realise this.

Anyway, I have experience with this stuff, just going NC for a couple of weeks and it will be fine :-)
So weird that all of a sudden you fall for someone, I was the last 18 months very succesfull with girls ( flings ) but never felt something, and now that it is messed up the feelings are coming.

Anyway, cheers
gimlynick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd November 2017, 9:53 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,521
Quote:
Originally Posted by gimlynick View Post
yeah she is!

but I am aswell, just starting to realise this.

Anyway, I have experience with this stuff, just going NC for a couple of weeks and it will be fine :-)
So weird that all of a sudden you fall for someone, I was the last 18 months very succesfull with girls ( flings ) but never felt something, and now that it is messed up the feelings are coming.

Anyway, cheers
Stick to nc, gimlynick! It will be worth it! If you stay NC your feelings for her will most likely blow over and you may wonder what you ever saw in her.
LivingWaterPlease is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd November 2017, 10:19 AM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 14,631
Quote:
Originally Posted by gimlynick View Post
So, this morning she came to my place to talk about this stuff.

It's obvious that we are both falling for eachother.

We both agree on not contacting eachother, not messing around of flirting.

She's going to try to stay together with my buddy, even that she said that they will never stay together forever ( he's not really polite or tactfull towards gf's ).

She told me that we never can be together even after that she breaks up, but then she laughs about it and makes it clear that she rly wants to meet me again.


My mind is messy right now. I'm really feeling something that I didn't feel for allmost 2 years.

To be honest I hope that they break up.

Right now I'm just going no contact, only seeing her when he is there and we agreed on not getting drunk when we are together.



Just wanted to vent out a little bit. It will be fine, thanks
Why now has she decided to stay with your buddy when she was so sure she was falling for his best friend before? I thought she was going to break up with him because it wasn't working and she has strong feelings for you. A smart girl would walk away from you both. You have already crossed the line with your friend's girl by spending the night with her even though sex was not involved. Now she has come over to your place. I don't think your best friend would be too happy about this. It is clear she is just using your best friend if she is hitting on his best friend behind his back. She doesn't sound like a good person to me and if you do get involved with her I think in the end you will wish you had never laid eyes on her.
stillafool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd November 2017, 3:42 PM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Belgium
Posts: 160
You're completely right. She is messy.
I'm very sure that she is not lying about the feelings for me, but in the end she wants to play it safe and stay together with her current bf. That's just complete bull****. She should just break up and go away. I realize now that I don't want her. My friend is a lot more important then she is.
I never felt emotions before the sleepover, it only started after she slept here. I think it's just a fling for me, it will be over very soon.
I think that I was attracted by the idea that it is 'forbidden'.

Still the fact that I have to hide the truth for my friend hurts me, I hope that they break up soon so that I can explain him what happened. Right now I feel that it's her duty to do this. And I'm not able to keep this for myself.



Thanks for the reading and the reactions, I'm glad that it opened my eyes.
Didn't send her any texts, I received some snaps but just blocked her right away on snapchat. Feels so childish all this stuff...

Anyway, allmost weekend, let's look for some interesting company, thanks people!
gimlynick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd November 2017, 5:26 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 14,631
She's still trying to get you to cheat with her behind your Bro's back. She is not a good person. You don't need this shyt on your mind. Now you feel guilty.
stillafool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 23rd November 2017, 5:57 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Belgium
Posts: 160
Quote:
Originally Posted by stillafool View Post
She's still trying to get you to cheat with her behind your Bro's back. She is not a good person. You don't need this shyt on your mind. Now you feel guilty.

Nah I don't think she is trying to cheat on him anymore. She realizes even more then me that it is really 'no go'. It was me who was trying to get sex when we got in bed ( but well it was she who asked to sleep here ).


Anyway, I'm not going to tell him what's going on, and I'm not going to give her any chance to get to close to me.


I'm feeling so much better now :-)
gimlynick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24th November 2017, 6:21 AM   #11
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 14,631
Quote:
Originally Posted by gimlynick View Post

I received some snaps but just blocked her right away on snapchat.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gimlynick View Post
Nah I don't think she is trying to cheat on him anymore.
Of course she is why would she still send you snaps after you've both decided to cool it? Also why is she so desperate to stay with a guy she no longer wants?
stillafool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th November 2017, 6:01 AM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: SE Australia
Posts: 226
Quote:
Originally Posted by gimlynick View Post
So, this morning she came to my place to talk about this stuff.

It's obvious that we are both falling for eachother.

We both agree on not contacting eachother, not messing around of flirting.

She's going to try to stay together with my buddy, even that she said that they will never stay together forever ( he's not really polite or tactfull towards gf's ).

She told me that we never can be together even after that she breaks up, but then she laughs about it and makes it clear that she rly wants to meet me again.


My mind is messy right now. I'm really feeling something that I didn't feel for allmost 2 years.

To be honest I hope that they break up.

Right now I'm just going no contact, only seeing her when he is there and we agreed on not getting drunk when we are together.



Just wanted to vent out a little bit. It will be fine, thanks
Then why doesn't she just split up with him now? It's wrong of her to string him along like that.
snowboy91 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th November 2017, 6:23 AM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 459
Lesson for the future: next time you get even so much as a hint that someone likes you or that you like them inappropriately, back off straight away. As soon as you get involved, you have nobody but yourself to blame. Honestly, I don't know what you were thinking taking her back home to talk to her about it.

If one of my friend's girlfriends started flirting with me I'd run as if my life depended on it!

This isn't just a matter of friend vs. girl. It's a matter of personal integrity and morals.
sdraw108 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th November 2017, 3:20 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Belgium
Posts: 160
Quote:
Originally Posted by sdraw108 View Post
Lesson for the future: next time you get even so much as a hint that someone likes you or that you like them inappropriately, back off straight away. As soon as you get involved, you have nobody but yourself to blame. Honestly, I don't know what you were thinking taking her back home to talk to her about it.

If one of my friend's girlfriends started flirting with me I'd run as if my life depended on it!

This isn't just a matter of friend vs. girl. It's a matter of personal integrity and morals.
I understand you. Well it's a thing that is going on allready for more then 1 year... But now we finally talked about it to eachother.
yeah I should have backed off immediately.
+ in my defense: it was an alcohol inflated night. We were not drunk but well we were in a mood where you don't mind flirting anymore.


For snowboy91: Yeah she should split up with him. I think she hopes that her love for him comes back.

I've talked with one of our mutual friends about it, he will talk with her and push a little bit to let her finish that relation.
I promised him that I'm not going to date the girl and just forget her.
Don't want to lose any of my very best long time friends.
gimlynick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th December 2017, 6:32 AM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Belgium
Posts: 160
Next part of the story...

So we didn't hear eachother anymore, just as planned.

Last saturday there was a party, prebooze at my friends place, she was working so everything was fine.

Around midnight I receive texts from her asking when we are going to the party. I texted her that we were on our way.
-> this is allrdy so weird, why does she text me...

Then, we all meet, I say hey to her quickly and then back off for the whole night, but still we made from long distances way too much eye contact throughout the night.
All of a sudden, my friend is gone, and she comes closer to start dancing with me. I don't react, and just dance next to her with myself.

She tries to get closer and after half an hour my buddy all of a sudden reappears. She pulls him towards her and they start making out very heavily ( he is normally not the dude who makes out in public ).

Anyway, all of a sudden my feelings for her got back, so I quickly met another girl and got away home with her.
The sex was horrible, could only think about my friend's girl.

That night I told one of my other friends about the whole situation. The day after he talked with her, and she started talking to me about it. She just wants to forget what happened and wants to stay together with him...

Another couple of typical things that happened:
- all of a sudden she has a new profile pic, not with her bf on it anymore
- she isn't joining us for nye ( I am very very happy about this )


Anyway, I am staying no contact with her. Just feeling so so bad for my buddy that all this stuff is happening ( allthough my friends start thinking that he is cheating behind her back aswell... )


cheers
gimlynick is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I think my friend likes me, but he has a girlfriend Rabbitface Friends and Lovers 13 4th April 2014 2:18 PM
a girl likes me that my friend likes and i'm still struggling with a break up calgary Friendship 1 25th February 2013 12:33 PM
My guy friend has a girlfriend but I think he likes me. Awkward. Ashlyn Friends and Lovers 21 23rd February 2013 4:38 PM
Dilemma - Friend likes the guy who likes ME Drseussgrrl Dating 15 5th November 2012 12:50 PM
Girlfriend out to movie w/Friend that likes her frozenbutt Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy 2 21st January 2003 9:50 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:42 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.