Am I stuck in the friend zone? If not, how should I move forward

[Pacman]

I have a female friend who I've known for 3 years now. Initially I was not attracted to her and it wasn't until the past couple of months that I started to see her in a different light.

 

We've gotten closer over the past couple of months and texting almost everyday, with her initiating it most of the time. We've watched movies and cuddled. When I told her I need to leave she would force me to stay and lay down with her. Nothing sexual yet as I really want to take things slow.

 

She's been touchy lately and I see her get real giddy when I'm around. The only thing that's confusing me is she talks about how hot other guys are and that if it weren't for so and so circumstances she would definitely go after them.

 

To me, that was a red flag that I may be in friend zone. I talked to another friend and they said she may just be trying to make me jealous. She says cuddling is very intimate and that girls wouldn't usually do that with guys they aren't attracted to or like.

 

I would just like to get more opinions on this matter. If I'm NOT in the friend zone, how should I go about advancing things?

 

I have other girls currently interested in me, but I find myself being bored with the conversation and just think about the friend that I currently like

 

Thank you fellow members of loveshack

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I'm not surprised she is talking about other guys. If you don't hurry up and make a move, she is going to start dating them too.

 

If you are really interested in her then it is time to quit being so passive and make more of an effort, because it sounds a bit one sided right now.

 

It may sound simple, but if you want to avoid the friendzone you need to let her know you are attracted to her and ask her out on a date.

 

Take a chance. You only live once.

[Pacman]

I'm not surprised she is talking about other guys. If you don't hurry up and make a move, she is going to start dating them too.

 

If you are really interested in her then it is time to quit being so passive and make more of an effort, because it sounds a bit one sided right now.

 

It may sound simple, but if you want to avoid the friendzone you need to let her know you are attracted to her and ask her out on a date.

 

Take a chance. You only live once.

 

Thank you. I am starting to slowly make a move.

 

I've been telling her she looks pretty in so and so dress or I like her hair a certain way. I don't want to jump too fast. Sort of want to test the waters and see if she does like me. What are your opinions on this?

 

In the past I tried to move too fast and it didn't work out. I'd like a different approach given our history

[snowboy91]

To me, that was a red flag that I may be in friend zone. I talked to another friend and they said she may just be trying to make me jealous. She says cuddling is very intimate and that girls wouldn't usually do that with guys they aren't attracted to or like.

 

I actually have to disagree with this. Quite a few girls I know are more than happy to cuddle guys (and other girls) in a friendship only sense. I don't think it's common but it definitely happens. And yes I have made the mistake of taking it the wrong way in the past.

 

However if you're into her you really need to let her know and ask her out.

 

I've been telling her she looks pretty in so and so dress or I like her hair a certain way. I don't want to jump too fast. Sort of want to test the waters and see if she does like me. What are your opinions on this?

 

So how did that turn out? You definitely should go for it but just consider what happens if she says no.

[GemmaUK]

She is trying to figure out whether you have any interest in her romantically as she has no idea because you haven't asked her out on an actual or kissed her yet.

 

You'll be in the friendzone very soon if you don't step up and do one, another or both.

[Yosemite]

Ask yourself how she would know that you’re interested in her. You know that she’s interested in you because she cuddles with you, gets giddy when you’re around, initiates daily texting, and won’t let you leave and “forces” you to lay down with her. You, on the other hand, don’t kiss her during cuddling, wait for her to initiate texting most of the time, and try to leave so she has to force you to lay down with her. What message does that send?

 

If you’re not kissing her or asking her on dates, complimenting her on her hair and clothes will make her think you might be gay. You’re very close to missing your chance with this girl.

[Pacman]

I actually have to disagree with this. Quite a few girls I know are more than happy to cuddle guys (and other girls) in a friendship only sense. I don't think it's common but it definitely happens. And yes I have made the mistake of taking it the wrong way in the past.

 

However if you're into her you really need to let her know and ask her out.

 

 

 

So how did that turn out? You definitely should go for it but just consider what happens if she says no.

 

Does it change your mind if I were to tell you that she has never been intimate with a guy?

 

This is why I want to take things slowly

 

She is trying to figure out whether you have any interest in her romantically as she has no idea because you haven't asked her out on an actual or kissed her yet.

 

You'll be in the friendzone very soon if you don't step up and do one, another or both.

 

I guess I'm just being cautious. Since we are friends, I don't know if she's just being friendly or if she is into me. As I said before we were very platonic friends. I don't know what happened the past couple of months and where the sparks are coming from

 

Ask yourself how she would know that you’re interested in her. You know that she’s interested in you because she cuddles with you, gets giddy when you’re around, initiates daily texting, and won’t let you leave and “forces” you to lay down with her. You, on the other hand, don’t kiss her during cuddling, wait for her to initiate texting most of the time, and try to leave so she has to force you to lay down with her. What message does that send?

 

If you’re not kissing her or asking her on dates, complimenting her on her hair and clothes will make her think you might be gay. You’re very close to missing your chance with this girl.

 

:lmao:

 

She definitely knows I'm not gay. As stated before I'm just being cautious, as we were good platonic friends prior to all this.

 

She has been mentioning how other guys are hot so that's why I took a step back. And I am obviously showing that I like her too. I've been cuddling with her, when we lay down she grabs onto my arms. I've been telling her so and so dress looks pretty and her hair looks good.

 

With that said,

 

I might be too late already. No text today

[Tribble]

Does it change your mind if I were to tell you that she has never been intimate with a guy?

 

This is why I want to take things slowly

 

There is a difference between taking things slowly and not doing anything at all. Just because she hasn't been with anyone else doesn't mean she is made of glass. I would advise (if it ever comes to it), that you should take the physical side of your relationship slowly but why can't you ask her out? Or kiss her? Do SOMETHING to show you like her.

 

What are you afraid of? That she doesn't like you? Ruining the friendship? You have to decide whether the risk of making the move is worth potentially losing the friendship over. Either way, you may lose it. If she likes you and has concluded you aren't interested in her (because you haven't been acting like it), she could be distancing herself to protect her heart. You need to make a move soon before she gives up on this.

[Pacman]

There is a difference between taking things slowly and not doing anything at all. Just because she hasn't been with anyone else doesn't mean she is made of glass. I would advise (if it ever comes to it), that you should take the physical side of your relationship slowly but why can't you ask her out? Or kiss her? Do SOMETHING to show you like her.

 

What are you afraid of? That she doesn't like you? Ruining the friendship? You have to decide whether the risk of making the move is worth potentially losing the friendship over. Either way, you may lose it. If she likes you and has concluded you aren't interested in her (because you haven't been acting like it), she could be distancing herself to protect her heart. You need to make a move soon before she gives up on this.

 

Yes to all of this. I don't even know if she likes me, albeit I may be 60% sure she does. Last time we cuddled she put her hands next to time waiting for me to grab and lock hands, but I was thinking "Ugh what if pulls away and thinks I'm a weirdo". So I didn't.

 

I truly am interested in her. It's just it's been a while since a girl has actually caught my attention for her personality AND looks. And to me this is special. Another thing is that if we were to start something, I will be leaving the state to do hospital rotations in 1 month (If lucky I won't leave for 3 months so we have more time together). I'm a med student, I don't know if she would want a Long distance. Personally I'm up for it

 

I don't know what to do

[Yosemite]

So treat her like she’s special and ask her on a date. You don’t make her feel special by not asking her out, but cuddling with her. Texting her back, but not initiating texting. That’s being lukewarm and treating her like a back-up option.

 

Even though she’s a virgin you still have to ask her out or she’ll think you’re not interested. How old is she and how did her virginity come up in the conversation?

 

Not surprising that she didn’t text you today, hopefully you texted her? Or plan to tomorrow?

[Pacman]

Looks like I'm a little too late. She's a classmate and she's flirting with another guy.

 

I guess I had a gut feeling something like this would happen, or was already happening , maybe that's what prompted me to make this thread.

 

I don't know how to feel right now.

[Tribble]

Looks like I'm a little too late. She's a classmate and she's flirting with another guy.

 

I guess I had a gut feeling something like this would happen, or was already happening , maybe that's what prompted me to make this thread.

 

I don't know how to feel right now.

 

Not sure why you feel it's too late? She's "flirting" with someone else - how do you know this? It's only too late if she's going on a date, and even then, many dates don't go much further.

 

What will you regret more? Leaving it and not telling her how you feel and watch her get with someone else or stepping up to the plate and telling her? Things will not stay the same whatever you do. If she starts seeing someone else, your time together and cuddles will stop anyway. If she isn't interested and is just your friend, you should be able to get past any potential awkwardness if you make a little move.

[Pacman]

Not sure why you feel it's too late? She's "flirting" with someone else - how do you know this? It's only too late if she's going on a date, and even then, many dates don't go much further.

 

What will you regret more? Leaving it and not telling her how you feel and watch her get with someone else or stepping up to the plate and telling her? Things will not stay the same whatever you do. If she starts seeing someone else, your time together and cuddles will stop anyway. If she isn't interested and is just your friend, you should be able to get past any potential awkwardness if you make a little move.

 

She has been sorta distant the past couple of days. No texting. Very short conversations. Usually after class we would chat, but now we hung for about 5 minutes and said she had to go

 

Albeit when I did finally talk to her she kept twirling her hair. And making plans to hang out.

 

If I get the chance to hang and cuddle with her, I will make a move. Still I can't shake this gut feeling that it's over.

Edited November 17, 2017 by Pacman

[CC12]

Still I can't shake this gut feeling that it's over.

 

Okay, then, you have nothing to lose. Ask her out on a date. "Hey, we haven't talked much in the past few days. Let me take you out on a dinner date so we can catch up."

 

Do not wait until the next time you're cuddling with her to "make a move." What do you even mean by that? You're going to try to kiss her? Just ask her out on a date first. If she's going to reject you, it will be much less awkward for all parties involved if she can politely turn you down for a date, instead of rejecting a kiss.

 

 

she kept twirling her hair

 

This means nothing.

[Jdoublenn]

Okay, then, you have nothing to lose. Ask her out on a date. "Hey, we haven't talked much in the past few days. Let me take you out on a dinner date so we can catch up."

 

Do not wait until the next time you're cuddling with her to "make a move." What do you even mean by that? You're going to try to kiss her? Just ask her out on a date first. If she's going to reject you, it will be much less awkward for all parties involved if she can politely turn you down for a date, instead of rejecting a kiss.

.

 

Agreed. The longer you wait, the better the possibility that you DO miss your chance.

[Pacman]

UPDATE:

 

So we hung out and ended up cuddling again. We ended up locking hands so it was more intimate. I told her I really enjoyed spending time with her to hint that I like her. She said she felt the same way.

 

I was getting ready to leave but she told me she wanted me to spend the night, which I did.

 

But now she is being very distant. We do have exams coming up so I can understand. But when we see each other on campus I am sensing some sort of hostility and I can't quite put my finger on it and why. Even her text back are very short. And for some reason she is being mean and almost as if ignoring me. I was trying to flit with her and she was not having any of it

 

Any ideas?

Edited November 20, 2017 by Pacman

[carhill]

Once you started liking her sexually, your friendship as you knew it was over. Best get the dating thing done or you'll not only lose that option but also the friendship and only due to not acting on your sexual attraction in a clear and unambiguous manner.

 

Also, at your age you should be talking to and dating many young ladies, or at least asking them on dates. It's a unique time in life when practically no one is married and you're all around each other often and hormones are running strong. Get as much experience as possible. Guard against placing all your dating eggs in the basket of a longtime female friend you are lately attracted to. Good luck!

[Pacman]

Went for it and got friend zoned lol

 

Dirty f bomb

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Regardless of the outcome, I really think you did the right thing.

 

She was crossing the boundaries of normal friendship behavior, so it was reasonable to assume she might be interested.

 

I know rejection sucks, but at least now you know exactly where you stand with each other.

 

Sometimes we have to put ourselves out there and take a risk to get the ultimate reward.

[CC12]

Went for it and got friend zoned lol

 

What happened? Did you ask her out or tell her you have feelings for her?

[Pacman]

Regardless of the outcome, I really think you did the right thing.

 

She was crossing the boundaries of normal friendship behavior, so it was reasonable to assume she might be interested.

 

I know rejection sucks, but at least now you know exactly where you stand with each other.

 

Sometimes we have to put ourselves out there and take a risk to get the ultimate reward.

 

What happened? Did you ask her out or tell her you have feelings for her?

 

UPDATE:

 

So we discussed what happened the other night. I told her that I may be into her. She said she didn't know how she felt but she was not rejecting me. After talking for a bit she accidentally confessed to having a crush on me.

 

I told her we don't have to label anything, we can take things slow and if it does lead to something, then great. She agreed. I ended up crashing at her place that night, we cuddled again.

 

The next day I sent her a text of "Hey you look pretty today". No response. I get a text saying we needed to talk. So we went to a coffee shop and had a chat. She said that my text didn't give her butterflies in her stomach and she's questioning if she really does like me. I told her it was just a compliment, it wasn't mean to give you butterflies.

 

Then she said "I don't want to hurt you, I don't want you to catch feelings, and I don't want to ruin our friendship". I said okay, but I had to go and said we'll talk about it later. So she called me at night, told me to go over which I did. We talked more, but she ended up saying things which made me feel REALLY unwanted. She wanted me to crash that night and cuddle. I politely declined and she told me to not go. But I ended up leaving.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

She wanted me to crash that night and cuddle. I politely declined and she told me to not go. But I ended up leaving.

 

You did the right thing leaving. She is sending so many mixed messages. Maybe she is just scared of taking the next step or perhaps she just enjoys a bit of drama.

 

Either way, it sounds like it is best that you detach from her a bit and give her time to figure out what she wants. The last thing you want to do is end up being her cuddle buddy, because you will only end up becoming seriously sexually frustrated, which isn't fair.

 

As much as you like her, I would seriously advise you against spending the night cuddling, unless she is interested in becoming involved with you romantically.

[CC12]

Well, that sucks. Sorry, OP.

 

I have to question the intentions and integrity of someone who tells you they don't return your feelings but still wants to continue cuddling and spending the night with you. I think it's pretty unkind and insensitive of her to still want to keep up the cuddling.

 

It's probably a good time to distance yourself.

[Jdoublenn]

UPDATE:

 

Then she said "I don't want to hurt you, I don't want you to catch feelings, and I don't want to ruin our friendship". I said okay, but I had to go and said we'll talk about it later. So she called me at night, told me to go over which I did. We talked more, but she ended up saying things which made me feel REALLY unwanted. She wanted me to crash that night and cuddle. I politely declined and she told me to not go. But I ended up leaving.

 

She sounds like me in a way. Maybe she has anxiety about dating. When youre just friends and theres no pressure, its easy to feel ok with the guy. But if that next step came up and then i got a "you look pretty today" text i would freak out and back off... I had serious anxiety and it took a long time to get past it.

 

I definitely agree it sounds like you're friend-zoned but if she's new to all this it may not be all over. Give her space and act as you normally did before you guys talked about feelings the other night. See how it goes...

 

Keep us updated! She could very well be just confused or playing games, in which its not worth wasting time. BUT the situation does sound extremely similar to how I was in back in the day(and i truly was not playing games, just not confident about dating or expectations in any way so id run).

 

Give her time and see how it goes. I got over my anxiety and got into a real relationship finally after the guy was honest about feelings and wanted to see me, but also didn't push too hard when he felt me about to run.