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Ex-FWB slept with someone very soon. Why does it hurt so much?


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 25th October 2017, 7:19 AM   #1
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Unhappy Ex-FWB slept with someone very soon. Why does it hurt so much?

Hi, everyone. I've heard really good things about this forum and I'm hoping you can help me sort my feelings out and get over this. This may be a little long but please bear with me.

This guy, Terrance (24) and I (22) were fwb for about a year. I'll admit, I'm actually quite relieved it's over.

The whole thing started for the wrong reasons and we didn't get along at all. It was very on-and-off. We kept coming back because of loneliness and great sex and I guess we ended up developing some kind of bond.

He started becoming very sweet with me and told me that I was very special to him and that he could really see a future with me. The thought of me being with other guys would make him jealous and he told me he couldn't imagine touching another girl.

I didn't mention that we actually dated for like 4 weeks earlier within the year that we'd known each other and it was DISASTROUS. So of course I didn't openly reciprocate his feelings or even really acknowledge them because I knew that we just weren't right for each other.

Anyway, something happened, we got into a bad fight, and I just realized I deserved better than that and that what we had was very unhealthy. I told him I was completely done and I blocked him from everything I had.

I just found out that the literal day after I did this, he hung out with this girl he knew and slept with her. And that wasn't even what bothered me the most. Throughout our whole "thing", he always made me feel insecure for the fact that I wasn't his type or what he was used to. The girl he slept with? EXACTLY his type.

I felt utterly rejected and thrown away. It hurt that he could say I was so special to him and that he felt so deeply for me and that he couldn't imagine touching another girl, and then the moment I leave, take that ALL back like he never meant any of it.

I know I shouldn't care. We were only fwb and I was the one who ended things. But it really got me deeply depressed. I think maybe it's a self-esteem thing. I always felt like I was worthless/forgettable and here he is just confirming that.

Please help.
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Old 25th October 2017, 9:17 AM   #2
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It's not something wrong with you. It's the nature of FWB relationships. The whole point is they aren't serious. He very likely did see you as someone special to him because you'd been involved in his life for a year, but now he's moved on.
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Old 25th October 2017, 9:43 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by MJJean View Post
It's not something wrong with you. It's the nature of FWB relationships. The whole point is they aren't serious. He very likely did see you as someone special to him because you'd been involved in his life for a year, but now he's moved on.
Yeah, I get that, it's just difficult not to take that personally. I feel very replaceable. He couldn't have at least waited another day? lol

And I'm not sure that he's even moved on. The day after he was with her, he made a new account to tell me he couldn't get me off of his mind.
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Old 25th October 2017, 4:14 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by soonerthanlater View Post
I just found out that the literal day after I did this, he hung out with this girl he knew and slept with her. And that wasn't even what bothered me the most. Throughout our whole "thing", he always made me feel insecure for the fact that I wasn't his type or what he was used to. The girl he slept with? EXACTLY his type.
What does Exactly his type mean? Is she skinny and are you heavier? That would be my assumption.
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Old 30th October 2017, 6:32 PM   #5
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Dear one, you are not forgettable/ worthless at all! He was obviously using you as long as he had you and then turned to someone else immediately. If he loved you in a sacrificial, selfless love not a me me me love, then he would had tried harder and longer and grieved losing you rather than going right to someone else. You are worth more than that and a treasure to someone who isn't selfish or temporary. It hurts to feel rejected! Rather than mulling in that, think about how bad it would have been if you had stayed w him! Be thankful you aren't in that mess now and move forward to something much better and lasting. You should be adored and valued! I hope you find that and can share your garden which is a treasure to one who truly loves you enough to stay and make you his own.
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Old 11th November 2017, 8:50 AM   #6
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It's funny how you both posted on here.

You obviously both like each other, why not give it a try? Maybe it won't be that bad the second time around. Stop playing games and really give it a chance.

I don't think him sleeping with this girl says anything about you or his feelings about you. Or that she's more his type for that matter. My boyfriend isn't my type. I'm not his. We joke about it. Doesn't mean we like each other less. I wouldn't leave him for someone "my type" (though if he were to dump me I certainly wouldn't refrain from dating someone "my type").

If you really think you're done with him stay NC.

Last edited by 2much4; 11th November 2017 at 8:53 AM..
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