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Was I wrong to sleep with someone else? Why is she so upset?


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

Old 22nd October 2017, 7:44 PM   #1
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Was I wrong to sleep with someone else? Why is she so upset?

Hey, everyone. So I had this really rocky fwb relationship with this girl for a year. We dated for like a month in the beginning but we realized we weren't good together and became fwb. It was always really rocky and she broke things off a lot. During these "break-ups", I would chat up and sometimes bed other girls and she would sometimes bed her ex.

Recently I really started getting strong feelings for her. I always had them, you know? But they were definitely stronger and more "real". Like, I was starting to imagine her as my wife and ****. I told her all this and she always rejected me, saying things like "No! We're good as fwb. We're never going to date." and I just accepted it.

One night we got into a REALLY bad fight and she broke things off completely and had me blocked from everything. Made it crystal clear she never wanted to talk to me again. I was hurt but I'm a naturally very resilient person. I'm not the kind of person to sit around and mope. So, the next day, I called up a really sexy girl I met and we spent all night in bed.

We (the fwb and I) started talking again and I told her this and she quite literally crumbled. "HOW could you even DO that?!!!" she was almost hysterical honestly. She was extremely upset that I slept with someone else so soon after she cut me off when I told her I had strong feelings for her. She said she felt like my feelings were a lie. But my question is, why the hell would she care? She made it clear she had no feelings for me so why do mine for her matter?

Was I wrong? Maybe there's something that I can't see. I guess she wanted me to sit around and cry over her or something?
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Old 22nd October 2017, 8:13 PM   #2
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Some women can't separate emotions from sex (I know I can't separate physical and emotional), so that might be why she was so upset that you slept with someone the next day and thought it was "all a lie." She was probably hoping you would "fight for her" and double up your efforts after she reacted poorly to the argument, but instead you slept with someone else.

I think this woman does not sound available to be with you, though. Clearly she has some sort of push/pull dynamic with you but isn't being honest with herself with how she feels, otherwise she wouldn't have lost it upon finding out. I simply don't believe her that she doesn't have feelings for you, but she sounds like a fence-sitter.

You don't technically owe her anything since you guys aren't in a relationship and you've been straight forward about the way you feel. She sounds confused and like she doesn't really know what she wants. I would back off and let her process it since it doesn't sound like she's offering you what you want. You can't fix someone like this, she has to come to her realizations herself.
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Old 22nd October 2017, 8:24 PM   #3
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The only thing you did wrong was tell her. What were you thinking?
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Old 22nd October 2017, 8:31 PM   #4
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not wrong. if you volunteered that info is kinda douchy, but if she asked, she should know you have options.

problem is she lives in fear, you cant fix that
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Old 22nd October 2017, 8:47 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
The only thing you did wrong was tell her. What were you thinking?
She asked me (out of plain curiosity) if I'd ever been with a certain kind of girl, I said yes, she asked when, and I told her the truth. Didn't feel a need to lie.
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Old 22nd October 2017, 8:51 PM   #6
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your good,

tell her to un fu&& herself and get back to you
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Old 22nd October 2017, 9:01 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by healing light View Post
Some women can't separate emotions from sex (I know I can't separate physical and emotional), so that might be why she was so upset that you slept with someone the next day and thought it was "all a lie." She was probably hoping you would "fight for her" and double up your efforts after she reacted poorly to the argument, but instead you slept with someone else.

I think this woman does not sound available to be with you, though. Clearly she has some sort of push/pull dynamic with you but isn't being honest with herself with how she feels, otherwise she wouldn't have lost it upon finding out. I simply don't believe her that she doesn't have feelings for you, but she sounds like a fence-sitter.

You don't technically owe her anything since you guys aren't in a relationship and you've been straight forward about the way you feel. She sounds confused and like she doesn't really know what she wants. I would back off and let her process it since it doesn't sound like she's offering you what you want. You can't fix someone like this, she has to come to her realizations herself.
I realized that I should in fact give her a few days to process everything, if she does end up unblocking me again. Yeah she's definitely the fence-sitting type, never sure about anything. I can't help but feel very guilty though especially if what you say is true and she did actually have feelings for me. I guess I'll just have to wait for her to come out and say it.

I tried contacting her multiple times after the blocked me, even knocked on her door and bought her favorite meal. She never answered.I guess I could've waited a little longer before I went to other girls but like I said, I'm not the type to sit around and cry- when I'm upset, I make myself happy.
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