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Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 12th October 2017, 1:28 PM   #1
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She's everything I want and need

But....we are just friends.

She's a colleague, met at work, divorced and went through a bad breakup. We decided to go out a few times for drinks, live music, dinner but had also said how great it was that we were friends. We text everyday, go out once per week maybe. Been at each others homes, only kiss on the cheek.

So last week we went out for dinner and drinks, stopped back at my house and then my neighbors invited us over. We went for an hour or so talking around the fire pit and it was time for her to go home. Later, I realize that was, BY FAR, the best "date" I've had in 20 years, the only thing missing was sex, but I didn't even care because it was so much fun.

I don't think I'm her type anyway but I really do think I should probably at least try to get out of the friend zone. My fear is that if she knows that I've totally fallen for her it may affect our friendship.

I'm sure some of you have dealt with this dilemma so I'd love to hear idea's.
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Old 12th October 2017, 6:23 PM   #2
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For sure if she's not interested in being more than friends, this will likely spoil the friendship. It just becomes awkward and she will no longer feel open with you. After this much time, you've kind of overshot the opportunities to kiss her on the mouth without talking about it first. I think you should just be honest with her and tell her, I realized after I got home that I hadn't had that much fun in a long time and starting wondering if there is more to us than 'just friends.' Have you given it any thought? If she responds positively, ask her on a real date and kiss her at the end of the night if not before and hold hands and stuff.
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Old 12th October 2017, 6:25 PM   #3
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Who started the conversation where you established that you are just friends? If she did, it's probably hopeless. If you did & she agreed you can say your feelings are starting to change. Tell her what you told us -- the other night was the best date in a while. See what she says
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Old 12th October 2017, 7:11 PM   #4
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i have dealt with this situation with my ex and my honesty is how i handled it....i had developed feelings for him and i couldnt hide them


im not very good at that....sends me bonkers trying to hide what i feel all the time..its not how i want to live life......i had felt though reciprocated feelings from him so i trusted my instincts took the risk of breaking our friendship and told him how i felt..the fear i chose to not let it rule me......we went straight into a full time relationship for fifteen years and we were both young.....our friendship survived......we split up a decade ago....and our friendship survived that too.....


i believe real friendship never dies......and i believe love is worth the risk ...no matter the fear you feel for whatever reason..so tell her...be honest...if its meant to be ...it will be...deb
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Old 12th October 2017, 7:13 PM   #5
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When I first asked her to get drinks, we had been work friends and she declined a few times but that's apparently due to a "secret boyfriend". Well as we get to know each other she confided many things in me and me in her, very personal things that nobody else is privy too.

When this "secret boyfriend" ended is when we started to get together as friends (i think it was just understood as friends). I'm afraid I might be a shoulder to cry on, someone to keep her company. She gives me no indication she's even interested in anything more, we don't intentionally flirt, we have spoken about some sexual things. She told me when she went on a date, I also told her about a date I went on. We tell each other just about everything.

For reference we are adults, both divorced in our 40's.
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Old 21st October 2017, 3:26 PM   #6
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If you want to risk, just try to get closer to her. Touch her hand and watch what she will do. Or just tell her...
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Old 22nd October 2017, 9:40 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by preraph View Post
For sure if she's not interested in being more than friends, this will likely spoil the friendship. It just becomes awkward and she will no longer feel open with you. After this much time, you've kind of overshot the opportunities to kiss her on the mouth without talking about it first. I think you should just be honest with her and tell her, I realized after I got home that I hadn't had that much fun in a long time and starting wondering if there is more to us than 'just friends.' Have you given it any thought? If she responds positively, ask her on a real date and kiss her at the end of the night if not before and hold hands and stuff.
I Like the way Preraph has said this, gently but also it allows time to go away and think.

I would suggest say this and give her time to think.
After all, any date, the time following that date is the time to think about how it went, we all do it.

Be prepared to lose a friend but being friends with someone you feel more for could mess with your head.

An itch is sometimes better scratched.
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