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Girl From Class -- Wants Me Or Just Thinks I'm Cool?


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 14th September 2017, 12:21 AM   #1
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Girl From Class -- Wants Me Or Just Thinks I'm Cool?

So, I'm in graduate school.

First day of class, there is this BEAUTIFUL Puerto Rican girl.

10 of us in class, professor asks we all introduce ourselves to each other.

She comes up to me, hair parted to one side, introduces herself, I butcher her name. Lost my chance.

5 days later, we have class again.

End of class heading out, I catch her in the elevator. I ask her her name again and apologize for butchering it. I ask her if she is Latina. She tells me she's Puerto Rican.

I tell her my mom is from the Caribbean. She asks if I speak Spanish, I say 'no.'

We walk out of the building, she goes one way, I the other, we say goodbye.

2 days later, we have class again.

I figure "let me act comfortable around her, just be myself, see what happens."

We are in a research group together, so sitting next to each other.

I realize that basically EVERYTHING I say she giggles at or laughs at. At one point as she is talking to me, I stare her right in the eyes. Neither one of us bats our eyes. Staring for 5 seconds.

After class, we walk with each other again and are talking. As we get out of the building, I say goodbye. She heads the same direction as me.

Me: "I thought that you go that way?"
Her: "Yeah, I could, but I'll walk this way today. I should stop by my apartment."

3 minutes later, I tell her I have to go in a different direction, say goodbye, we go our separate ways.

I don't know. I got the sense that she's digging me, but I've definitely gotten this "sense" before and have been wrong.

What y'all think?
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Old 14th September 2017, 3:50 AM   #2
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Hi OP, why not just try and be friendly without expecting too much. Let Nature take it's course and if she really likes you, you will get to know in time. I would suggest that you not aggressively chase her but let things flow naturally. Hope this helps. Warm wishes.
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Old 14th September 2017, 9:55 AM   #3
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Hi OP, why not just try and be friendly without expecting too much. Let Nature take it's course and if she really likes you, you will get to know in time. I would suggest that you not aggressively chase her but let things flow naturally. Hope this helps. Warm wishes.
With all due respect, that sounds like the nice guy recipe of never getting the girl.

IME (and basically everything you read online), you DO have to put in work. No, that doesn't mean follow her around, but it DOES mean making the move/asking for her number when the time is right because her burning desire for you will turn into apathy REAL quick if she doesn't think you're interested.

That's just my experience though (and, again, apparently most guy's).
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Old 14th September 2017, 4:11 PM   #4
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Hi OP, why not just try and be friendly without expecting too much. Let Nature take it's course and if she really likes you, you will get to know in time. I would suggest that you not aggressively chase her but let things flow naturally. Hope this helps. Warm wishes.
I think that this is a good approach when you have a class together.
You're guaranteed to see her regularly, and it's better than being aggressive and having to spend all semester together uncomfortably if she isn't into you.
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Old 14th September 2017, 5:05 PM   #5
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After the next class ask if she wants to grab a cup of coffee with you.
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Old 18th September 2017, 6:09 PM   #6
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So, we had class today.

I was the first one in. This other guy sat down next to me.

She came in as I was heading to the bathroom. We exchanged a 'hey!' and that was essentially it for the entire class. She was looking really cute.

She sat next to the guy that was sitting next to me, and I did notice that a couple of guys (at least the one) kept looking over at her.

At the end of class, I went to pack my bags so, hopefully, I could walk out with her. Guy next to me started talking to me (and he talks slowly and ON and ON and ON). She slipped out, and I missed all opportunity to talk with her.

Now, I am listing this as an overall 'loss,' but I don't think it was a negative interaction. We just didn't get to speak with each other.

Next class is our lab, and we are in the same group. Should have more interaction with her then. Hopefully something of substance.
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Old 27th September 2017, 1:26 PM   #7
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Next class is our lab, and we are in the same group. Should have more interaction with her then. Hopefully something of substance.
' Hopefully something of substance. ' Dude. That's not good enough. Don't 'hope' something will happen.

I agree on not being too aggressive, but women (well men too really) like it when you see what you want and go get it.

You are squandering your initial good rapport with her by not being honest. Just ask her out to coffee, it's easy. Even if she says no, it lets her know you're interested, and I don't see why it would make class uncomfortable.

Best Wishes,
Sunlight

P.S. I see your last post is over a week old - I hope you have already made something happen
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Old 30th September 2017, 12:13 AM   #8
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' Hopefully something of substance. ' Dude. That's not good enough. Don't 'hope' something will happen.

I agree on not being too aggressive, but women (well men too really) like it when you see what you want and go get it.

You are squandering your initial good rapport with her by not being honest. Just ask her out to coffee, it's easy. Even if she says no, it lets her know you're interested, and I don't see why it would make class uncomfortable.

Best Wishes,
Sunlight

P.S. I see your last post is over a week old - I hope you have already made something happen
....unfortunately no. Well, not really.

We have been texting on and off though.

I don't know. Mixed signals galore.
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Old 30th September 2017, 10:55 AM   #9
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Texting is meaningless. Until you get up the nerve to ask her to do something with you -- like I suggested coffee after class or even to study -- this is mostly in your head. Turn it into reality by taking action.
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Old 30th September 2017, 12:24 PM   #10
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Sounds like a classic case of every guy in class after the hottest girl, in which case you'd need to be the hottest guy to get her.
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Old 1st October 2017, 12:14 AM   #11
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Sounds like a classic case of every guy in class after the hottest girl, in which case you'd need to be the hottest guy to get her.
I honestly don't think that's the case.

And, to be honest, I am one of the better looking guys in the entire program. I'm not saying that to be douchey, I just kind of know I am.

ALSO, I think women (especially those that are trying to get their master's or doctorate degree) really look for more than good looks.
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Old 1st October 2017, 12:33 AM   #12
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IME (and basically everything you read online), you DO have to put in work. No, that doesn't mean follow her around, but it DOES mean making the move/asking for her number when the time is right because her burning desire for you will turn into apathy REAL quick if she doesn't think you're interested.
I'm a woman.

The flaw with this argument is thinking that

a) a woman's "burning desire" is so fickle. Many of us can burn for someone for quite some time as it so happens. Not endlessly of course, but it really doesn't switch off that easily.

b) that a guy being in the friendzone is because he didn't show his interest early enough. If he ends up in the friendzone, odds are that she has only ever seen him as a friend.
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Old 1st October 2017, 11:53 AM   #13
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I'm a woman.

The flaw with this argument is thinking that

a) a woman's "burning desire" is so fickle. Many of us can burn for someone for quite some time as it so happens. Not endlessly of course, but it really doesn't switch off that easily.

b) that a guy being in the friendzone is because he didn't show his interest early enough. If he ends up in the friendzone, odds are that she has only ever seen him as a friend.
So...you're saying she still probably has a thing for me?
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Old 1st October 2017, 12:13 PM   #14
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It's been over two weeks since you wrote this and everyone told you to ask her out. The clock is ticking. Go up, say, "Can I speak to you for a minute," lead her a few feet away to someplace more private and say, "Sorry, didn't want to do that in front of your friends, but would you like to go out Friday?" Stop putting it off. Fear is not attractive.

While I agree with Basil all the way that if a woman is real interested in you, it can go on for years, even without you returning attention, that isn't the case here. The case here is she may or may not be interested in you. If she was real real interested in you, she'd be talking more and creating opportunities to talk to you and sitting by you or different things. So you're dealing with someone who may have some mild interest that may or may not get more if you ask her out. But she's not trying to develop anything, so you better ask her out and get it over with.

Last edited by preraph; 1st October 2017 at 12:17 PM..
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Old 1st October 2017, 10:20 PM   #15
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It's been over two weeks since you wrote this and everyone told you to ask her out. The clock is ticking. Go up, say, "Can I speak to you for a minute," lead her a few feet away to someplace more private and say, "Sorry, didn't want to do that in front of your friends, but would you like to go out Friday?" Stop putting it off. Fear is not attractive.

While I agree with Basil all the way that if a woman is real interested in you, it can go on for years, even without you returning attention, that isn't the case here. The case here is she may or may not be interested in you. If she was real real interested in you, she'd be talking more and creating opportunities to talk to you and sitting by you or different things. So you're dealing with someone who may have some mild interest that may or may not get more if you ask her out. But she's not trying to develop anything, so you better ask her out and get it over with.
Yeah I know, I know.

I am going to do it, really, I will. It just has to do with timing.

And I know that 'no time will be right,' BUT I haven't been able to catch her at an appropriate time to ask, honestly. I have class with her Monday and Wednesday. I know her Mondays are CRAZY because she RUNS out of class at the end. Wednesdays she seems more leisurely moving.

I want to catch her in the elevator after class on Wednesday. This seems to be the best time to get her. SOMETIMES I see her in the morning when we arrive at the same time, but if I don't catch her, it probably won't happen (me asking her for coffee).

More recent findings that make me think "maybe:"

-We are on a research team together. It's us 2 and 2 other ladies. It's a bit confusing, so she asked for all of our numbers. It MAY have been a slick way to get mine, but it could have also been legitimately because she may have had questions on the assignment.

-We came in together one day. I was looking REAL sharp that day. I stopped by the water fountain to fill my bottle. I noticed in the corner of my eye that she was having almost a battle with herself -- "do I go with him to the water fountain, or do I go in class?" Ummm.....I'm going to go to class." "See you there."

-In our research group, I don't talk much, but when I do, I do notice that she smiles at me. She is very sweet.

-Once in our research group, I was telling a story to another one of the ladies. I caught her smiling while looking away.

-Same day, I told the other lady a joke, she laughed. Crush asked, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" trying to get in on the joke.

-She answers my texts. Sometimes hours in between, but she answers, and they usually are full paragraphs.

-When we group text (within the research group) I do notice that she seems to respond to my questions (today, calling me by name via text).

-Last Tuesday, she was coming from a meeting (she isn't usually in the building where I study). I was filling my water bottle on second floor (she was coming from 4th -- got off the wrong floor). She proceeded to talk to me about where she was going afterwards "I'm heading north now" even though I didn't ask nor said ANYTHING that would have caused her to bring that up (trying to make convo?)

-I picked up a Bible handout from some Christian group on campus. I gave it to my friend (who was sitting next to her) as a joke. I said aloud, "I'm a socialist, agno-atheistic taoist, and I picked it up b/c I figured I'd make the man's day instead of prove some lame point about my disinterest in Christianity." Crush giggled and then told me how she couldn't believe that people were allowed to hand those things out on campus.

She generally seems happy/smiley around me, but sometimes, I do get the vibe that she "ignores" me on purpose to come off as "don't want to seem TOO interested."

Again, she's SUPER sweet and kind, so some things I worry that she's just being nice. If she threw me a bone and was a little LESS subtle, we'd be cooking.
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