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feelings for a friend


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

Old 12th September 2017, 7:24 PM   #1
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feelings for a friend

So my best friend turned, ex turned friend (yea it's complicated) and I reconnected after 7 years, and we started hanging out a month ago. When we were around our friends and his family they assumed we were together because he would do things like slap me on the ass, hug me from behind, go out of his way for me, and never corrected any one when they said I was his girl. But during one of our conversations he told me, that he didn't want to lead me on because he is in a situation with the mother of his child and didn't want to drag me into any drama, and I'm the only female best friend he has and can talk to me about anything. He even made plans to spend the week at my house and be with me, and wanted to take me on a date. But now he's back with the BM and she's on social media, throwing shade about how he only wanted sex and nothing more, and everything that happened before they got back together was the past and is irrelevant.

I started to ask him about it, but against my better judgement I left it alone. But a part of me feels like something I should speak up and tell him how I really feel, and another part feels like I should leave it alone. What should I do?
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Old 12th September 2017, 7:32 PM   #2
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I wouldn't right away but you should ask him how it's going with her from time to time. Of course, he will always have a relationship of some kind with her. At least he was up front about that they're still involved. I think you'd be better off finding another man to fall in love with because he wouldn't have said he was still entangled if he felt like he was going to leave her anytime soon.
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Old 13th September 2017, 11:39 AM   #3
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if they are together then you must be careful, she doesnt sound like someone who wouldnt hesitate to resorting to more a physical means if she felt threatened by you even more than she does already!

but despite all of this if you are so crazy for him then maybe you should just tell him anyway and be damned!

just be honest with how you feel and see if you can still be friends or not.

the bottom line is you are on dangerous ground in that he is spoken for!!! however, maybe there is no harm asking for his version of the truth connecting his partners recent face book rants.

i cant guarantee this will work out, but you will know more if you speak to him quietly and discreetly about the subject and find out how he feels.

i suspect by not at speaking to him and telling him before how you felt at the time you may have fed a lot of the gossip and drama unknowingly and made things difficult without even realising it.people are willing to put 2 and 2 together, but sometimes 4 isn't what they want to find! and then you get more confusion and it lets the truth get lost in lies, gossip or people taking sides about people and situations they dont actually know anything about; and so you get more negative gossip and more people willing to join in an do someone's character down again when no facts exist!!!

however, people that gossip on fb (especially grown adults!!!!!) are just sad individuals really, this girl he is with not only sounds rather sad in that if she's with him then anyway, then surely she should just enjoy being with him!!!!!

but she also sounds pretty aggressive too; and that is the part that can make people do some really dangerous stuff.

all i can say is that if you do decide to tell him and he says NO...then leave them to it, if she is that immature and aggressive then he may end up leaving her anyway (and in which case he will at least know the truth).bu again, that doesn't mean he'll come running to you if he doesn't want drama.

its a messy situation youve got yourself into, but i guess thats what happens sometimes when you dont talk to people directly, discretely, honestly and openly, you leave the door open for gossip, drama, regret etc...

well thats my take on it, maybe the others will give you thier thoughts.

but im not sure all the comments will be in your favour if people do respond to this (either on line or off it!) but as long as you know what your getting into, then you can let fate or your decisions take you to where they will.

good luck....you may need it! maxi.
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Old 13th September 2017, 2:41 PM   #4
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Thanks so much for your response. He knows that I like him, and he likes me, from what he had told me and what others have told me as well. But he chose not to act on it, because he was not officially over his GF. Which I found out they broke up a few weeks before he and I reconnected. I believe the reason why she is so aggressive was because people were probably telling her that we were hanging out and things and she felt insecure about the situation. But I also fell back when I notice that he was giving someone else his attention, because he was using my phone to go on his Facebook, and my recent emojis were all flirty/lovey-Dovey type emojis I never used, and his body language told me otherwise when she stopped by to visit him and they had a short conversation. I was mad at him and he knew it, he tried talking to me, but I was too upset to say anything, so when I turned in for the night, he decided to cuddle with me and fall asleep in my arms 🙄. The next day I was still upset with him and didn't have much to say to him, but I know that I do still have some sort of feelings for him. But I know it's a dangerous game and a very risky one if I were to speak up and tell him how I feel.
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