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Are these eye contact "moments"?


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 10th September 2017, 4:24 PM   #1
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Are these eye contact "moments"?

Be kind here. I'm a late bloomer, not very much dating/men experience at all. These situations probably sound lame and I don't intend them to. I'm just really trying to figure out if these situations mean anything or if I'm overthinking them for nothing. These are all about the same man.

Situation 1: I have to set this up. I was speaking to him and I basically unloaded some personal problems and asked him for help. He was very eager to help. After we spoke, I left for an hour or so, but returned to see him again before I had to head for home. During this 2nd conversation he looked at me in a way that he'd never done before. His eyes were very soft and relaxed (like he was really sleepy), he was blinking very slowly, and he had a huge smile on his face. I felt that there was something extra in this look, but I'm not very well versed in men or body language. What would you think about this? I realize he could've just been tired and that it could mean nothing. Also, just to point it out, I know with 100% certainty that he was not high or drunk so please don't suggest that as an explanation.

Situation 2: When we speak he normally wears sunglasses which drives me crazy! He has gorgeous eyes and I love seeing them, plus I just think it should be common courtesy to remove sunglasses during conversation. The last few times however he's been removing them without me asking. Would this likely be his way of making more direct eye contact?

Situation 3: We recently saw each other, but were about 20-30' away at the time. I was watching him and then noticed that he looked up and was watching me. Neither one of us looked away quickly as if we were embarrassed to be caught, yet neither one of us acknowledged the other either. We just looked... no smiling, no waving, nothing... just looking at each other. A few minutes later we did meet up and spoke as if nothing had happened. We laughed and joked as normal. It was just really weird and I can't get it out of my head. I keep wondering if there was something there.

I can say for sure that I'm head over heels for him. I want way more than friendship with him. I believe based on other things he's done and said that he has feelings for me too, but neither one is acting on it yet. I will say that our friendship is very intense. I can feel tension around him. I don't know if it's just from my side or if it's mutual, but I do feel something is there.
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Old 10th September 2017, 5:14 PM   #2
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Well, he seemed happy that you asked him for help. i'm not going by any of the "looking" stuff because it seems normal to me to look over at someone you know, however slightly. I'm going by the smile, which isn't exactly a hieroglyphic and plainly means someone is happy to see you. Okay, I was making fun a little there.

You are overthinking and obsessing a lot. Try to keep this in mind: While you're picking apart his every move, he is most likely just thinking what he's going to pick up for dinner except for when you're right in front of him. Do NOT assume there is hidden meaning in anything he does. He smiled at you after you asked him to help you, so he liked helping you okay. That's where it is. Now the ball is kind of in his court because you've made it clear you know he exists and want attention from him, so we'll see if he asks you out or if he is already taken. Why not ask him next time you talk what he did over the weekend (or what he's going to do over the weekend) and see if you can find out if he has a girlfriend that way.

Now, here is the exception to what I said above: If this is a teacher or a workmate, it's a whole different answer, because both teachers and workmates are paid to be helpful and friendly to other employees, so it means little.
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Old 10th September 2017, 5:20 PM   #3
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Have you verified his marital status? I ask because married guys often will take interest in and flirt with single ladies for fun or to have affairs.

Since you 'unloaded' some personal problems on him and he seemed 'eager' to help, I'll presume the tone of those problems indicated you're single. Now, have you taken an interest in his personal life and/or remembered stuff about it, and him? How did that go? If not done, try it and see.

Usually, if a guy senses a woman is 'head over heels' and he feels likewise and knows she's not married, he'll ask her on a date. Even shy men.

Eye contact is fun and reading eye, facial and body expressions is often interesting but it's clear communication that wins out in the dating game. If you aren't a lady to ask a guy you like on a date, now isn't the time to start. It's not your style. Dating is also about compatible styles. If you want to try something different, ask him out to a decidedly social interaction and see what happens.

FWIW, I used to get this all the time from women who turned out to be married. They were just having fun or validating their attractiveness without any costs. Normal stuff. In the early years I assigned some personal meaning to the interactions but over time came to understand them for what they were, a bit of fun in the moment. No need to evaluate or devine some deeper meaning.
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Old 10th September 2017, 6:22 PM   #4
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Is this the same coworker you were smitten with before, the one with the gf and kids? or is this a different one?
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Old 10th September 2017, 6:38 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by preraph View Post
Well, he seemed happy that you asked him for help. i'm not going by any of the "looking" stuff because it seems normal to me to look over at someone you know, however slightly. I'm going by the smile, which isn't exactly a hieroglyphic and plainly means someone is happy to see you. Okay, I was making fun a little there.

You are overthinking and obsessing a lot. Try to keep this in mind: While you're picking apart his every move, he is most likely just thinking what he's going to pick up for dinner except for when you're right in front of him. Do NOT assume there is hidden meaning in anything he does. He smiled at you after you asked him to help you, so he liked helping you okay. That's where it is. Now the ball is kind of in his court because you've made it clear you know he exists and want attention from him, so we'll see if he asks you out or if he is already taken. Why not ask him next time you talk what he did over the weekend (or what he's going to do over the weekend) and see if you can find out if he has a girlfriend that way.

Now, here is the exception to what I said above: If this is a teacher or a workmate, it's a whole different answer, because both teachers and workmates are paid to be helpful and friendly to other employees, so it means little.
We definitely have a lot of fun interacting. There's always a lot of joking around, laughing, etc. Smiling is constant too. I think we enjoy each other's company and feel as though there's something there, but who knows. I guess only he does for sure.

I figured as much about over obsessing over things. I don't know how to stop it. It just happens. I've always been like this. I'm introverted and keep a LOT of things inside. I over think everything. I hate that about myself, but it's part of who I am.

Also, he's a friend, not a coworker or teacher.

Quote:
Originally Posted by carhill View Post
Have you verified his marital status? I ask because married guys often will take interest in and flirt with single ladies for fun or to have affairs.

Since you 'unloaded' some personal problems on him and he seemed 'eager' to help, I'll presume the tone of those problems indicated you're single. Now, have you taken an interest in his personal life and/or remembered stuff about it, and him? How did that go? If not done, try it and see.

Usually, if a guy senses a woman is 'head over heels' and he feels likewise and knows she's not married, he'll ask her on a date. Even shy men.

Eye contact is fun and reading eye, facial and body expressions is often interesting but it's clear communication that wins out in the dating game. If you aren't a lady to ask a guy you like on a date, now isn't the time to start. It's not your style. Dating is also about compatible styles. If you want to try something different, ask him out to a decidedly social interaction and see what happens.

FWIW, I used to get this all the time from women who turned out to be married. They were just having fun or validating their attractiveness without any costs. Normal stuff. In the early years I assigned some personal meaning to the interactions but over time came to understand them for what they were, a bit of fun in the moment. No need to evaluate or devine some deeper meaning.
We've actually been friends for a couple of years now. We're not very close (as in hanging out alone, etc), but we are friends and enjoy each others company. We clicked with each other very quickly and have great chemistry. We're both single as far as I know. He's very reserved and doesn't really speak much about his love life.

I remember literally everything that he says and dose. I remember everything he's told me about his personal life. He remembers everything I tell him about my personal life as well. I know for me I value our friendship a lot and I would be afraid of ruining it. Aside from being very shy and introverted that's why I'm so hesitant to be honest about my feelings for him. It's getting harder and harder to hide it though.

I've read many of those body language articles online and he shows just about every sign I've ever read to show he has interest. I know those articles are most likely junk and not really accurate to go by, but it's all I've got for now. I have friends who've also hinted that there's interest on his part. As far as being compatible, I think we're VERY compatible. We have a LOT of similar interests and hobbies. I do think we'd make a great couple, but again it would put our friendship at risk which is scary to me. Maybe to him too?

I wish I could stop over evaluating everything. I've always been a worry wart and an over thinker. I just can't seem to stop.

Quote:
Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
Is this the same coworker you were smitten with before, the one with the gf and kids? or is this a different one?
Different guy.
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Old 10th September 2017, 6:52 PM   #6
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We're both single as far as I know. He's very reserved and doesn't really speak much about his love life.

I would make doubly sure before you get in too deep, as it will be you that comes off the loser and you that will get very hurt too.
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Old 10th September 2017, 7:38 PM   #7
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Why don't you just run an online simple background check on him to be sure he's not married or gets in any trouble? Doesn't cost too much.
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Old 11th September 2017, 11:11 AM   #8
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I would be careful in this situation. Make sure he is single if you are interested, and let it evolve naturally.


I have a coworker that this happens with.

We get on really well, there is obvious chemistry and it has escalated over the last month or so.

We would have lunch together once a week, which would last hours, and with both of us reluctant to end it.

Then she started asking me out in mid week social group engagements and eventually one on one after work dinners or drinks.

She eventually spoke to me about our mutual attraction (this has happened several times now), and how she really likes me, but alas, she is currently seeing someone else!

The issue is, the chemistry is very strong, and I find it hard to resist and it has started getting frustrating hanging out with her, so I am starting to withdraw gracefully from the situation.

Good luck!
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